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Made to feel guilty because sometimes daddy does the school runs!

(42 Posts)
JKCR2017 Tue 23-Jan-18 15:14:49

So.. I am a stay at home Mum to my DC and I do the school runs whilst OH works but often because of his hours he will do the school run whilst he’s home and I will stay at here at home - the school is a 5-10 minute walk away. Truthfully, I love it and look forward to when OH does the school run. I suffer from anxiety and sometimes the schools runs get me down. Particularly because DS has special needs and other parents don’t really understand... and his behaviour on the school run can be unpredictable.

Anyway, didn’t think much of it. But my Mother and Mother in law disapprove of this claiming it’s the women’s job or at very least we should both go.. surely this is an old fashioned view to have? My Oh likes being able to do this and enjoys it. He’s great and doesn’t give a c**p what other people think unlike me..

It’s not like I avoid the school run altogether. I do it at least three times a week!

Sirzy Tue 23-Jan-18 15:16:43

Just ignore then.

As long as the children are collected from school it doesn’t really matter who does it. Many parents never get the chance to do it at all but it’s no reflection of them as a parent

happymummy12345 Tue 23-Jan-18 15:31:01

Honestly op, do your mum and mil not realise it's 2018? It makes no difference at all if your partner does it.
My ds was with a childminder, and while I took him most of the time, when dh had his days off, he liked to take him and pick him up.
He has recently started nursery, and again I take him mostly, but dh does if he's off on the days ds goes to nursery.
When he starts school in a few years, I'm sure dh will take him and pick him up when he can. I don't see any problem with it at all.

tigercub50 Tue 23-Jan-18 15:38:27

I too find that I get quite anxious on the school run ( better now DD is older & can be dropped/collected just outside) so I’m always happy when DH can do it. It most certainly isn’t for Mums only! There are lots of Dads at DD’s school doing it.

feesh Tue 23-Jan-18 15:40:26

My husband does drop-off and I’m a SAHM. I give not one shiny shit what anyone else thinks!

RB68 Tue 23-Jan-18 15:42:58

Just tell them its great for your Son to have one on one Dad time and see him doing something at home. Also means Dad gets to see Son in daylight as well!!!

I think you are right about a generational thing but don't let that make you feel guilty - its all about balance and if you are picking slack up elsewhere then don't worry about it

NataliaOsipova Tue 23-Jan-18 15:47:46

If my DH is at home he takes our DC to school. He enjoys that time on his own with them and makes him feel a bit more "connected" to where they are and what they're doing. Daft for you both to go!

Bossbaby12 Tue 23-Jan-18 15:50:39

Completely ignore them!! It is not 'the women's job'. Do not feel guilty because your children's other parent is taking them to school. Enjoy the morning off!

Chienrouge Tue 23-Jan-18 15:54:25

I’m a SAHM, DH mainly works from home. If he hasn’t got a conference call/something that needs doing urgently, he’ll do the pre school run.
I don’t feel a single ounce of guilt about this, wouldn’t even have occurred to me!

wowbutter Tue 23-Jan-18 15:55:36

My father in law is currently doing the school run as I'm too pregnant to do it.
Failing on two counts of being a woman in their eyes I bet!
Don't let them bother you, it's half your husbands job as they're his children.

Hissy Tue 23-Jan-18 15:56:16

Hmm... with DM/MIL like that, no wonder you're anxious my love! How dare they, it's none of their business how you and your H choose to do things!

Your DH enjoys doing the school run, and actually, it's REALLY important to the kids that he does participate and do it.

I used to have agoraphobia and found the school run absolutely excruciating!

Do what suits your family best and bugger your DM/MIL. Tell them to button it and stop being so unsupportive.

Brakebackcyclebot Tue 23-Jan-18 15:56:47

Your DM and MIL are nuts!

StealthPolarBear Tue 23-Jan-18 15:57:21

That would drive me mad!

AssassinatedBeauty Tue 23-Jan-18 15:58:30

Of course they're wrong. Their beliefs are sexist and like something from another era. It's actually laughable that they not only believe this, but think it's ok to tell you.

BertrandRussell Tue 23-Jan-18 15:59:21

Did they actually say tgt in so many words, or are you possibly reading to much into something they said? If they did say that they are both utterly ridiculous and should be completely ignored.

user1474652148 Tue 23-Jan-18 16:00:12

Your dm and mil are undermining you, I have never heard of anything so ridiculous.
Lots of dads do the school run, it is most definitely not a mothers job!!!!
You really need to stop listening to them and their out of date opinions.

Notasperfectasallothermners Tue 23-Jan-18 16:02:29

My dh took his redundancy offer so he could be at the school gate for ds!! His df never ever entered his school as a dc and he feels he wants to be around more for his ds.

TheFaerieQueene Tue 23-Jan-18 16:04:42

1950 called and wanted their martyrs back.

redexpat Tue 23-Jan-18 16:05:06

When my mum comes out with shit like that I shout hashtag everday sexism!

Oly5 Tue 23-Jan-18 16:05:32

My DH does every school run! FFS, it’s 2018!!
Ignore them

SheepyFun Tue 23-Jan-18 17:22:55

You might be less anxious if you stopped discussing your domestic arrangements with your DM/MiL. My parents are blissfully ignorant of things like this, so they can't have an opinion!

GoulashSoup Tue 23-Jan-18 17:32:42

I’m sorry but why is a vagina required to pick a child up from school?

I know that is a bit coarse but it is essentials what they are saying.

I’m massively failing as a mother as DH does 95% + of the school runs. Fair enough he is the SAHP and I go to work, but I don’t really see how our sex is relevant to how we work our family dynamics/logistics out.

Glad I live in the 21st century, you might like to invite your DM and MIL to join us, they might find it a refreshing change from the 50s.

And seriously, how is having a dig about something so trivial supposed to support someone they care about who clearly could do with TLC.

BuzzKillington Tue 23-Jan-18 17:35:39

Ignore the silly old fashioned twits.

My dh does the school run every day and always has done. I find it a bore.

grasspigeons Tue 23-Jan-18 17:40:59

just say you listened to men of their generation who all said how they wished they spent more time with their family and wanted to facilitate that for your DH

windchimesabotage Tue 23-Jan-18 17:45:38

mother and MIL should wind their necks in it has nothing to do with them. You do what works best for you and your husband and kids and that is the end of that!!

My MIL is the same... she was praising my DH for the amount of nappies he changed like he was jesus christ himself!!
and once asked why my husband ever had to put the child to bed seeing as i was a stay at home mum, that was my job surely!? Did not occur to her that he might wish to take an active part in his childrens lives or that him doing so was beneficial to the children.

Fathers should do some childcare whether they work and you dont, or whatever the situation is, simply because they are also parents of the children!! They arent solely a job they have employed someone to take care of!!

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