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Stress level overdrive!

8 replies

Yorkshirelass16 · 21/01/2018 22:29

Hello everyone first of all i am sorry for the massive thread but i am really struggling lately. Let me begin! In April 2017 my DD was diagnosed with leukemia! We spent over 6 weeks in ICU and then 4 months on a hospital ward. She is finally at home and we deal with meds from there which stresses me out due to the dosage timings and generally getting it right. I spent the entire time at the hospital with her apart from 1 night a week my DH slept over. We slept on chairs to plastic sofa beds. Finally there was a light at the end of the tunnel and she has come home. Hospital trips at least weekly sometimes every 2 days for blood tests etc.

Then in November my DS started sleep walking! Big time! He sleep walks and has night terrors about 6/7 times a night. It is exhausting! I always get up with him and often get told go to sleep you will now when he wakes up (I cannot do that for worrying i will sleep through) After an emotional breakdown yesterday my DH said he would do the night with him! Needless to say he is still in bed sleeping! (Must be nice!)

On top of that i have a Mother in law who is currently on 2 weekly chemo and struggling to get things done. Which means of course i have to help. (DH works full time) I also work full time from home! But this does not seem to be recognized as i am at home! (I have the easy life they say)

We also got a puppy as a promise to my DD the pup is amazing but it is just another job for me and no one seems to acknowledge all that needs doing is done and it is all me doing it. I am exhausted in every single way.

I am so tired i cannot function anymore. All the stress is really mounting up and i cannot sleep one for DS and simply due to stress. I do not know what to do anymore but feel like i am having a breakdown! I am exhausted in every single way. Would be great to know i am not as alone as i feel sometimes.

Thanks all.
Sorry for the long rant

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Froggyonaplate · 21/01/2018 22:36

Oh gosh absolutely no advice but sending hugs and this sounds like an unbelievably hard phase of your life. The only thing I can say is that it will pass, one day this will all be a memory, until then take care and keep ranting if you need to!

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Yorkshirelass16 · 22/01/2018 08:05

Thank you so much. Think I need to stop with the self pity and suck it up! As they say. Just have days that are overwhelming...

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DirtyDancing · 22/01/2018 08:52

Yorkshire I am so sorry to hear everything you are going through. That's an incredible amount for you to cope with. My friend's little girl is currently in remission from cancer, I know second hand how absolutely emotionally and physically draining it can be. You are completely aloud to be pissed off, tired, angry, sorry for yourself...

Do you get any time for yourself at all? I think it's so important to have an outlet. So my friend is someone I know through Choir (we sing Choir pop songs ) and that was her weekly 1.5 hours for her. It really helped her being part of something. Please feel free to post as much as you like on here, you need an outlet xx

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Yorkshirelass16 · 22/01/2018 09:33

No not a single thing for myself. I don't really get the time or anyone i can spend time with. I have no family on my side around me at all. Only the in laws which through no fault of their own bring in work for me. My FIL is in remission and my MIL is on her 3rd round of chemo the cancer now in her lungs. My DD is doing great and my DS is amazing during the day but the nights are draining me down a lot. That and all the appointments and school runs, washing and cleaning! Wow it gets to me a lot. Seeking light at the end of the tunnel. My DS has been offered a psychologist but then i feel like a total failure as a parent. He should be able to come to me and talk. We have been very honest and open since all this started we have hidden nothing from the children and tried to explain to them both in a way suitable for their age. But i feel i have failed here. My DS just will not open up to me at all just says everything is fine!
Thank you for your response i keep telling myself it can only get better! (Right?)

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Seeline · 22/01/2018 09:45

I am sorry for the situation you are in. Of course you are stressed. It does sound as though everything is falling on you.
I think you need to sit your DH down and have a serious talk - he needs to take more on board, full time job or not.

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Yorkshirelass16 · 22/01/2018 10:10

I think you are right. He just does not understand at all. He has been off this weekend and i have talked him through every little thing i am doing. Made a point of it and woke him every single time DS has got out of bed. Think it is time he saw more of what was going on. In fairness he has been great this weekend but it never lasts long term.

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Smurfy23 · 22/01/2018 12:05

Lots and lots of love to you OP.

Dont beat yourself up about DS seeing a psychologist- it is completely not a failure on your part. He needs help processing everything thats going on around him and you are doing a brilliant job in caring for him and getting that help.

Is there anything you can outsource to free you up? Cleaner? Dog walker? Can you speak to DH about helping out the IL's- is there any external help you can get in for them again to make things easier?

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Yorkshirelass16 · 24/01/2018 09:15

No there is nothing that i can do. I am not in the UK and there is nothing on offer in terms of help here financial or otherwise. I work 7 days a week the DH 5 days a week. Money is something that is a constant struggle. We have tried to get help but as DD can walk unaided and got to the bathroom she is entitled to nothing. The IL'S are on pension only which is measly so often means we have to help them to pay their bills. There is no relief and this is one of the reasons i find it so difficult just now.