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So unhappy

(48 Posts)
Mamma2010 Tue 09-Jan-18 07:54:00

Hi all,
I suppose I'm writing this just for support!
My daughter is six months old and has a cows milk protein allergy, she also has silent reflux which she has ranitidine and gaviscon for.
Since the medicated milk was introduced things have improved slightly but by no means significantly.
She is so clingy, she won't go to my husband, mum or friends. She basically clings to me 24/7!
I don't get a break ever unless she's asleep and I go for a bath.
She's co sleeping just so I can get some rest!
She won't take more than 3oz at a time and I've been weaning for about 3 weeks.
She is harder work than any child I've ever know (my first was a dream)!
I feel so alone and low, I'm already being treated for PND but this has me at breaking point!
I'm so resentful because my husband doesn't have to deal with any of this! The burden is 100% mine!
Please don't judge or give unhelpful comments such as "you've spoilt her" I really don't need to hear that I'm failing since my subconscious tells me that hourly!sad

beckyyyy Tue 09-Jan-18 08:49:24

Your defiantly not failing! I don't think there is such a thing as spoiling your baby (I know some people disagree).

It's only natural as your baby probably spends most of her time with you? You know how to settle and comfort her best as your around her the most. My LO is much more aware of her surroundings now ( 4months) that she gets upset when with someone else and she can't see me. Admittedly I am too quick to rush over as I hate seeing her getting upset.

What I've recently started to do is putting her down at night but if she wakes me and OH take it in turns to go and settle her so she comes to realise she can't have me all the time and this has started to work. A friend suggested leaving LO with a trusted family member for a few hours a week and gradually up this to nearly a full day so they get used to you being away. I haven't been brave enough to do this yet! But please don't feel your spoiling her, but remember to try and take some time for yourself even if you just pop out for a couple of hours while she's with your OH. smile

Mamma2010 Tue 09-Jan-18 09:08:28

Thank you lovely,
I have done this, she goes to my mums house for a few hours each week but so far she just screams herself to sleep!
I also try to go out and leave her with my OH even just to nip the shop but it never ends well!
I know she will naturally prefer me but it's literally me doing all the leg work with no let up!
I am mentally and physically exhausted!
I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and it's terrifying!
I adore my little girl but I am not enjoying this time because I'm utterly burnt out!
I take her to I'm and baby groups and baby massage but 9 times out of 10 it's an epic battle because she hates her pram and will scream bloody murder!
People look at me like I'm a monster because she gets so hysterical! It makes me not want to leave the house!

londonfeather Tue 09-Jan-18 09:12:40

Have you tried a baby carrier if she hates her pram? Might help you be a bit more mobile? Most areas have a sling library where you can try a few out to see what baby likes.

laurzj82 Tue 09-Jan-18 09:15:19

My DD was like that. flowers What milk has she been moved on to? Only reason I ask is because we firstly tried Nutramigen which helped a bit but when we moved to Neocate she was like a new baby. She is not having any soya is she? It's very common to be allergic to both

QueenAmongstMen Tue 09-Jan-18 09:44:44

Oh OP - sympathies.

My 5 month old has got CMPI mad because he's breast fed I've been on a dairy free diet for about 9 weeks now and it's hard work sad

I am absolutely dreading the weaning process.....I really can't face the thought of it because it must be so difficult and stressful.

My first son was very, very clingy with me and we co-slept until he was 10 months old because it was he only way either of us, but especially me, got any sleep!

It is obviously difficult for you when you leave her with other people but please don't feel guilty because it's so important that you get time to yourself otherwise you will burn out!!

I second the recommendation to try another milk and also look at perhaps altering her anti-reflux meds?

And it may be controversial but have you tried cranial Osteopathy? I went to one with my baby and she worked wonders. They have a lot of demand for babies who are high needs and in general people who use them report a significant improvement!!

Mamma2010 Tue 09-Jan-18 10:54:01

Hi all,
I have a baby carrier which is awesome but when it's cold/raining it's a no go!

She's on aptamil pepti! I have wondered if she needs a different milk but HV keeps dismissing me sad

Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond, sometimes it's great just knowing someone is listening xx

laurzj82 Wed 10-Jan-18 07:27:03

Keep fighting, you can push for a referral to a dietician, especially since you are now weaning. Hang on in there, it does get easier flowers

Mamma2010 Wed 10-Jan-18 08:00:33

Thank you lovely, we are going back to the doctor today x

Zippyboo2 Wed 10-Jan-18 08:07:19

I've been here and it is the most stressful thing I have had to do (and there are plenty of worthy contenders!). It sounds like her pain isn't under control with the silent reflux. Ask for Lanzoprazole. My DS was like a different baby once he had that medication from the hospital. Hope it gets better soon.

laurzj82 Wed 10-Jan-18 09:32:32

Great stuff, good luck x

Mamma2010 Wed 10-Jan-18 14:38:17

Bit of an update:
Doctor has prescribed... wait for it.... infacol 😡
Apparently at six months old it's colic!
I am beyond angry! I am at a loss as to what his thought process is!
Does he honestly think I haven't already tried this 1000000 times!

I am going to beg HV to refer us to a specialist!

laurzj82 Thu 11-Jan-18 07:54:44

Oh you're kidding! What a joke! Yes, go back to hv. If it helps, we had a similar problem. Eventually got our referral when the hv came to our house for a visit I had forgotten about and DD was SCREAMING the house down when I was trying to feed her. Can you take a video to show them?

Leilaniiii Thu 11-Jan-18 07:59:27

Does she eat food? I am assuming Aptamil Pepti does not contain cow's milk protein?

museumum Thu 11-Jan-18 07:59:58

At 6mo old and hating the pram have you tried a sitting up buggy/pushchair? It might help her if she’s having reflux lying down.

Also, I strongly recommend getting a regular Pilates or yoga class and just leaving your lo with her dad for an hour a week. At first she won’t be happy but she and he will get used to it if you’re out the house and it’ll be good for them as well as you in the long run.

Mamma2010 Thu 11-Jan-18 08:38:55

I have spoken to HV who has pushed the book back onto GP, I'm going back today to ask for a milk review, pepti does have CMP but it's coated apparently! It's not working, she's still so unhappy!
I am going to demand a referral and I won't be leaving until I get satisfaction!
I'm taking my mum for support lol she's a tough cookie and will fight my corner!
I have started leaving her with OH for short bursts and it's working to a degree!
I have the forward facing buggy on her pram she just hates being restrainedsad
God I need a win today!

Mamma2010 Thu 11-Jan-18 12:20:50

Update:
We have a specialist referral and Nutramigen
🙌🏻👯‍♀️

twotired Thu 11-Jan-18 12:32:30

Hi OP.

You sound like me 6 months ago, it was really awful. My baby wouldn't sleep for more than an hour at a time, rarely napped, cried all day and never went to the toilet (like one in 10 days and it was like pebbles - sorry TMI) he had all of the signs and I was constantly dismissed as it being colic and constipation by the GP. Turns out my instinct was right and it is CMPA. He is now 13m.

The medications didn't help him much in all fairness, so I stopped them, but the GP swapped him to Neocate milk powder which is amino acid based for extra sensitive tummies. He's been a dream since then and so much better. Also, and I didn't know this for a while, soya has a very similar effect on babies to CMP (HV said something about the protein being similar). I cut this out of his diet too and the improvement was amazing. Took about 3 weeks but it cleared. He now has oat milk in his porridge and I use that when cooking (and nobody notices the difference).

It's so hard, especially with another DC and the exhaustion. I have another child and I felt guilty all the time that the baby was so poorly and he didn't get enough of my time. Sending strength and hugs to you, I know how you feel.

You are doing a fantastic job, and it does get easier. Push for your dietician referral, and try again to get them to change the milk.

Best of luck to you thanks

twotired Thu 11-Jan-18 12:33:37

Sorry it took me so long to draft my last message that I missed your update!

Fab news and well done. I hope the milk works and that the referral goes through quickly x

Zippyboo2 Thu 11-Jan-18 14:58:25

You got the referral! I'm very glad!

laurzj82 Thu 11-Jan-18 16:59:37

Hooray! Hope it does the trick. You may have to wean her on to it because it is ick! Crossing all my fingers and toes that it helps x

Grumblepants Thu 11-Jan-18 17:06:21

I could have written your post OP. We had exactly the same but we're lucky enough to have a great doctor. Didn't stop me from breaking down in tears on the phone to the surgery and again in the chemist! Ds is on neocate and it's improved him so much. He also has regular reviews with dietician. He is still a very moany baby and I'm in tears most days but it's better than it was. I got really annoyed when they tried to tell me I had pnd and asking if I wanted anti depressants. I pointed out I wasn't depressed I was just tired and emotionally exhausted at having a baby that doesn't stop crying and anyone in that position would feel the same. Good luck

Tobebythesea Thu 11-Jan-18 18:07:52

If your child was on Peptide 1 it still has protein in it so it’s useless. Glad you got the new milk (which is protein free) and referral. I have everything crossed for you. It will get better x

Tobebythesea Thu 11-Jan-18 18:08:45

*pepti

MagicAlwaysLeadsToTrouble Thu 11-Jan-18 18:16:24

My second born was just like this.

She didn’t have the milk issues but she wouldn’t go to anyone else and refused the buggy totally until she was about 9 months old. Her Dad hardly even held her as 10 seconds in she would be screaming for me.

It is truly exhausting.

She did get better, I used the sling plus a waterproof cover or massive golf umbrella until she started to tolerate it for brief periods around 9 months.

But for bedtime I had to physically leave the house. For some reason if she knew I was downstairs she would wail until I would come up. But if she thought I wasn’t an option, ie actually out of the house, she would let my husband put her to bed.

I used to do a dramatic “I’m going out now baby, bye bye” routine each bedtime, put my coat and shoes on, waved bye and left. Shut the door and then would wait on the doorstep until they had gone upstairs and then creep back in.

But it worked! So we did it for a while until she chilled out a bit!

Don’t know if that will help you or not but I thought worth sharing.

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