How to balance family life

[Mumof1Mandy]

Hi everyone
So....i have 1 child a daughter who is 5 and im trying to be a good mum, also i have been with my husband for 10 years and are trying to be a good wife. I also work 40 hours a week and trying to do well with my career.
I know this is no different to a lot of families out there but i am struggling to do all 3. I constantly feel like i am failing as a wife and mum.
My husband doesmt do much round the house so i feel like its always me tidying and food shopping. I always get up with our daughter to make her breakfast and packed lunch and i take her to school (husband picks her up from school) when i get home from work i make tea bath little one put her to bed.
Problems i have is i feel like i rarely spend time with my daughter and feel like im letting her down.
Plus i feel like im not a good wife as as soon as i put my daughter to ned i go to bed cos im shattered so dont spend time with my husband.
And i get really bad mum guilt so hate letting family look after my daughter while me and the hubby go out.

How do people balance family life?

Any help appreciated x

[help1978]

It sounds to me that your husband needs to step up and be more of a team player! X

[Mumof1Mandy]

I think the same, however when we speak about it he says he hovers sometimes and washes up some times and he is suffering from exhaustion ( on meds from docs) which im sympathetic with but before long il be the same! X

[ZigZagandDustin]

Sounds like you have the wrong idea of what being a good wife means.....

[ZigZagandDustin]

From what you've said 'good wife' = 'house slave'.

[Mumof1Mandy]

Please elaborate ZigZagandDustin x

[help1978]

Can you get a cleaner? Cut work down by half a day? Delegate chores to husband? Do online shop?

[Mumof1Mandy]

Yes i see what you mean. My husbands point is we dont spend anytime together on our own but i have the view that we have a child now so we do things as a family but he says we still need just us time.
Any views on this? X

[help1978]

I understand that but it’s difficult to want to spend time with a person who doesn’t pull their weight surely?

[Mumof1Mandy]

Thanks help1978 yes i could give them all a try x

[SparklingSnowfall]

If he pulled his finger out and helped yes I appreciate he has exhaustion but surely he could do something then there would be a lot more time available

[Mumof1M]

Correct help1978 and i dont want to feel like that.
True sparklingsnowfall i think from talking about this its made it more clear what the problem is x

[ZigZagandDustin]

I think he's right about spending time on your own. Having a child doesn't mean you cease to exist as individuals or as a couple. The child stage will only be for a few years and then it's you two again. Also it's good and healthy for kids to see you both prioritising each other sometimes. Of course children are very central to everything for now but that doesn't mean they can't enjoy being minded by someone while you both go out.

Your OP is about being pulled in every direction. I would say that while you are at work, work is your priority. While at home, your child and your DH are your priority. Housework is NOT synonymous with looking after your DH as if he's another child so that was my point about misunderstanding what being a good wife entailes. To be a good wife I think you need

• to show love and support
  
• to listen and be open to their opinion
  
• to make time for them
  
• to treat them like you want them to treat you
  
• to do little things to show you care
  
• to do YOUR SHARE of running the home and child care
  

And his list to be a good husband is EXACTLY the same.

[Chaosofcalm]

I would write down a list of everything that needs doing daily, weekly, monthly, occasionally and how long they take eg making packed lunch (10 mins), food shopping (25 mins). Ask your husband if there is anything in the list missing and then together divide the tasks up equally. This works for us.

Definitely look at what can be ‘out sourced’, cleaning, ironing, school lunches. What can you just stop doing or do less of eg ironing. And finally what can you do in bulk to make easier buying gifts for children’s parties or making and freezing sandwhiches.

If you don’t already do your food shopping online.

[wowbutter]

Why can't your husband make tea and packed lunches when he gets home with her from school?
THen you wouldn't have to Nd could spend time with dd, then you and DH could both clean up the kitchen etc, before spending some time together in the evening.
Or, one of you does bath and bed, the other cleans, meet on the sofa for a special programme and a cuddle.
Then if there is more cleaning to do, you both have thirty minutes to get as much done as you can in separate rooms before sitting down together again.

[Mumof1M]

Great thank you for the advice, sounds very good and obvious too. I guess im just in the middle of it all and was overwhelmed but from your advice things have been put in perspective. Thank you x

[Brokenbiscuit]

How many hours a week does he work? It doesn't sound very fair at the moment, so if he wants time for the two of you, he needs to step up. Actually, he needs to step up regardless!