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Anyone else not going to baby groups?

(122 Posts)
pemberleypearl Sat 16-Dec-17 22:52:37

I have a 6 month old DD. I don't go to any groups. I'm quite introverted and have absolutely no desire to make small talk with a bunch of women who I'd only be talking to because they also have a baby. My mum though thinks I should go because DD will enjoy being with other babies. I do worry about that but can't seem to get over my feelings. Anyone else feel this way?

PotatoesGunnaPotate Sat 16-Dec-17 23:03:33

My baby is 2 month. I will start going to baby groups so my baby can interact with others. I may also make some new friends myself.

user1471495191 Sat 16-Dec-17 23:05:14

It's not essential to go to groups. It depends entirely on you and your baby. My DC did seem to benefit from being with other babies and different toys and I felt happier because it took a bit of pressure off me trying to entertain them. Not all groups are the same and I found it can be possible at some to go and just keep yourself to yourself and focus on playing with your baby in a different environment. If it's really not your thing though, then it's perfectly fine not to go.

WhatWouldGenghisDo Sat 16-Dec-17 23:12:30

6 month olds don't interact with each other much. The real reason for going to a baby group when they're that age is for mum's benefit. If you don't fancy it don't sweat it, it won't do your DD any harm brew

Lindy2 Sat 16-Dec-17 23:18:05

Baby groups give you the chance to meet other mums and children. They are also great for children to learn to socialise and interact with others. Pretty much every child I know loves and benefits from going to some kind of playgroup.
They aren't compulsory though but if you aren't going to any what are you doing? You say you are an intovert. Does that mean it is just you and baby staying home together every day or are you getting out and about elsewhere?

GummyGoddess Sat 16-Dec-17 23:22:24

Not all groups are the same, if you go to classes then it's all structured so your baby gets the benefit of socialising but you don't have to talk because you're busy singing or shaking bells at your baby. The only class where it's not so structured seemed to be his art class which was usually total chaos but very fun grin

Even introverted people can make friends without small talk, surprisingly I have made so many friends and I'm one of the shyest people you'll ever meet!

If you're planning on going back to work and sending baby to nursery, it would be nice to take your baby to groups so they're used to other children and the noise in a group setting. DC went to nursery at 13 months and the staff said that it's often easiest for those that have gone to a lot of groups.

After DC started crawling, he pretty much crawled off as soon as I put him down at groups and was exploring and playing on his own and he has done the same at nursery.

Cagliostro Sat 16-Dec-17 23:32:38

I have DC3 who is 7 weeks old and I won't be going to groups, apart from sometimes baby rhyme at the library but that's partly because I used to work there and it's a good excuse to catch up with colleagues.

I just don't feel I need to - I home ed my older two (10 & 8) and have a great group of friends through that, children all different ages. It also means we don't have time as they do lots of classes and meet ups so baby has just fit right in with all that.

I had PND with both the other two and was always pushed to go to groups. In all honesty it made me feel worse because I just felt like an outsider no matter how hard I tried. I have since been diagnosed with autism so I understand myself better and no longer beat myself up over that (I felt like such a failure for it before). So I'm not going to make myself do it. I may go to the odd thing with friends and if I happen to click with anyone then great, I'm much more social and confident now, but I'm not going to look for it. smile

pemberleypearl Sat 16-Dec-17 23:33:19

I live with family and I take the baby out every day for walks or to the shops. Me and DD play together and spend a lot of time cuddling. These groups just aren't appealing. A few weeks ago at the baby clinic one of the helpers ran out after me to say "ooh do you know about our under-1s group?". I just shouted back that I wasn't interested but I do wonder why on earth she felt the need to run after me.

Snog Sat 16-Dec-17 23:36:47

I found baby groups boring but once my dd was at school I met a really great bunch of parents who became my friends.

ForeverBubblegum Sat 16-Dec-17 23:39:24

Once baby is mobile it’s quit nice for them to rampage explore different environment, and you can just follow DC’s lead without getting trapped in small talk.

Before that it’s hell sitting on a mat next to an assortment of randoms trying to force conversation whilst waving toys in the faces of your respective babies, non of whom give two hoots.

Mermaid36 Sat 16-Dec-17 23:43:28

I only went to structured type groups with my twins - baby massage, baby yoga etc and a sing and rhyme class at the library.
There is minimal chit-chat at those kind of groups usually.

I found that having very premature twins on home oxygen, who had spent the first 4 months of their lives in hospital meant I had absolutely nothing in common/to talk about with other mums

ProseccoMamam Sat 16-Dec-17 23:43:57

I never went to one. HV told me endlessly that I had to go to them to make mum friends and help my DS develop 'properly'. Even stated that I'd halt his social development if I didn't let him interact with kids his age, and also told me I would get PND if I didn't make mum friend who could 'understand what I was going through'. It's all bullshit, just a big room filled with plastic crap and cushions where kids sneeze on each other and make everyone ill while the mums chat about how wonderful their little darlings are and compare development stages. They can obviously be beneficial for parents who want to gain friends in the same situation as them, but you (and your child) will cope fine if you choose not to go. The amount of people who looked down on me for not taking my toddler to a group was hilarious, like if I went to a play group id get a fancy mumsy badge and become a proper mum. Nah, wasn't for me. But if you enjoy them, cool, I really don't care though grin

LesserSpottedLurker Sun 17-Dec-17 00:24:14

I've gone to both baby sensory and waterbabies, and have enjoyed both but can understand your concerns.

Waterbabies is very one on one with your baby, you will smile and nod to the other parents but no one will care in the slightest if you don't chit chat afterwards etc. I would highly recommend it, as swimming is a great life skill and a huge amount of fun. I can pop my 10month old into the shower at home and have no tears at water on the head etc as well, which is a bonus!

Baby sensory is definitely more chit chat focused, but saying that there are an awful lot of parents who go, say hello etc and then head off and skip the coffee's after etc. I do think however that each of these groups will vary widely based on your town, teachers etc.

They do some great activities for the babies which would be hard to recreate at home, all the lights and bubbles etc, and it really is great to see them with the other babies as they start getting mobile.

The main thing is to not put any pressure on yourself, if you feel like giving a class a try, fab go for it! If not, then your baby will not care in the slightest. fsmile

ijustwannadance Sun 17-Dec-17 00:38:59

You don't have to go if you don't want to. Your baby won't give a monkeys.

I never went to any with my first and I won't go with DC2 either.

My idea of hell.

Janetjanetjanet Sun 17-Dec-17 00:44:57

Total waste of time IMHO.

Your baby will not give a shit either way and it'll just be like pulling teeth for you. Don't bother hen.

RestingGrinchFace Sun 17-Dec-17 00:48:41

I never go to these things. I really loathe them. I have zero interest in socialising with the women and I don't see why my children can't wait until nursery to social with other children-they okay along side one another for the first two years anyway so it's really not going to benefit them anyway.

ConjugalHoliday Sun 17-Dec-17 00:53:38

I'm with you, OP. Maybe we could start a baby group ourselves. Keep it quite exclusive, just us and our DDs. We could meet in a cafe but sit really far apart and not interact, maybe just a brief nod to acknowledge each other. Then we can tell people that we are, in fact, going to a baby group.

SaturndayNight Sun 17-Dec-17 00:53:56

I loved all this stuff with my first, Gymboree, sign and sign, water babies, baby massage - everything! It was all new and fun and I liked meeting other new mums.

Fast forward to the second child and we started doing the odd music thing after he'd turned 1.

Fast even further to my third who is already 18 months and I haven't done a single thing. She is carted about to school and nursery and in between we play and dance and have a lovely time just the two of us. She has all the stimulation she needs just watching her siblings.

Baby groups are brilliant for first-timers. But they are really for the mums - please don't kid yourself the babies are interacting or socialising - they're not!

isittheholidaysyet Sun 17-Dec-17 00:56:52

Most if these things are for the parent/carer. Especially at baby age. If you are happy with the level of social interaction you are having, then that is great, don't go.

They are also good if you have worries, concerns, questions about child rearing to get informal help and support. You may not need that.

When your child is about 2 years old they will need to start to branch out and interact with other children, they can do this perfectly well at nursery without you. Or you may find that is a good time to look out the local toddler group.

Lana1234 Sun 17-Dec-17 01:01:54

Nope not for me. Health visitor mentions every time I've spoke to her about taking nearly 4 month ds to them as it'll be great for me to meet other mums. Always tell her I'll think about it. Little does she know this is my idea of absolute hell and won't be happening fgrin we have lots of playtime, go out every day and see friends and family. Quite happy as we are fsmile

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis Sun 17-Dec-17 01:03:24

I tried SO hard with my first DD to do the whole mummy scene.

At 3 months we were doing baby sensory, she didn't have a clue where we were and often slept through the class. At 6 months she was having swimming lessons.....swimming lessons!!! At 9 months we were doing sing and sign, art classes and music classes..... By the end of my maternity leave I'd spent a fortune on classes.

With my second DD the only class we do is baby/toddler sensory.

I've tried baby groups but really struggled with them because everyone seems to be in pairs/groups of friends, and I'm a naturally very out going, friendly and happy to approach people kinda person so I can imagine it would be really nerve wracking if you're more of an introvert.

Providing you get out for walks and spend time playing together I wouldn't worry your baby is still very young and wouldn't play with other children anyway. Maybe revisit the idea when your baby turns one and look at classes because their structured nature means it doesn't matter if you go on your own because you normally have to pay attention to the person who's running the class rather than chat to other mums.

happymummy12345 Sun 17-Dec-17 01:10:22

I never ever went to any. Not my thing at all.

Janetjanetjanet Sun 17-Dec-17 01:13:31

I did baby yoga with my first. Not sure what I was actually thinking really, I hate yoga?

What a waste of time and money - just lay the kid on a mat and let it roll around at home instead.

thefourgp Sun 17-Dec-17 01:16:16

I forced myself to go to a few when my first was born and hated every minute. They’re so clique. I don’t think it benefittted my dc at all. I just waited until they were older and went to soft play and music classes where they could interact without me having to make two hours of small talk with strangers.

BertieBotts Sun 17-Dec-17 01:18:11

Until about 2yo babies don't care about other babies, they are just baffled by them.

They love watching interaction between adults and interacting with adults and older children. But peer-to-peer it's just side by side play, they will act as though the other baby/child isn't even there.

From about 2-3 they start to look for interaction with children of their own age.

Do baby groups if you want to do them for you, and you can always pick a playgroup or nursery later if you want your baby to socialise. There are some baby groups which are more aimed towards the mum side of things like buggyfit, baby yoga, sing and sign, breastfeeding support groups or slingmeet. Those can be worth going to if you feel like those skills or activities would be something fun or useful to you, other than that just don't bother!

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