First time mum

[Henrys26mummy]

Hello,

I'm new to this and this is my first post - so be kind.

I've seen a few ruthless responses on here to other posts which has made me put off posting for a while. But I'm at a weak point, currently my beautiful baby is not sleeping that well 😫 which obviously means neither am I.

I suppose we all need brutal honesty sometimes and this platform can provide us with the confidence to tell someone straight.

So here goes; I've not long had a baby who I absolutely adore as does my husband. However I am really struggling with one totally ridiculous feeling. I have gone from being quite a selfish person who only really ever did what I wanted, when I wanted. Who also demanded that her husband gave her a lot of fussing - 'needy' as he would say. But who doesn't love a cuddle on the sofa........so what if it's when some really
important sporting event is at its critical peak. I want a cuddle NOW!!

However since my baby has arrived ALL the attention is on him. I struggle with no one wanting to see me, no one wanting to talk to me about anything apart from him, my husband doesn't appear to want to spend time with me or give me fussing ( needy cow again ).

I just want to know from others whether I am alone here and a total selfish cow or if others struggled going from the precious pregnant angel who everyone fussed over to, a fat oaf with tits by her belly button sat in the corner, that no one makes eye contact with for fear of unleashing the hormonal psychopath.

Feedback welcomed - be nice it is Christmas after all

[Battleax]

You posted when you were pregnant, anticipating this, didn't you?

I can't say I've ever been a "precious pregnant angel" TBH with you so it's quite hard to relate.

Maybe parenthood is just naturally the time at which one learns that someone else matters more than you, and if you've been "needy" or indulged up to that point it's more of a jolt?

[Callamia]

I empathise with the feeling of being ‘bottom of the pile’ sometimes. Yesterday, both of my children have colds, are tired,and the four month old is having some kind of evening meltdown. Yesterday, I felt like it was pointless having any feelings because they just weren’t important - but this isn’t a permanent state, it’s just sometimes true when the children’s needs far outweigh mine.

It’s not always like this, and there are people who still love you for you, it’s just hard to get that feeling when you’re in charge of the baby for so much of your time. It gets better as they get older.

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

In the nicest way possible, yes, you are being very selfish. Get used to the focus being on your child. It’s as it should be. For the next few years your sole responsibility is to create a nice childhood and raise a good person who feels loved. Then back to being selfish if you want.

There is still opportunity to spoil yourself so do that when you can, but seriously, if you have more kids, or like me, twins, there will never be a second for you. Ever.

Readjust your focus and unless you can learn to cope just stop at one baby.

[DarthMaiden]

You sound very childish if I'm honest.

I want, I need etc

Truth is when you become a parent your needs and wants are secondary.

You made a choice to bring this child into the world and that means you need to be the adult.

That means accepting that you are no longer the "princess needy" of the house.

So being blunt I think you need to grow up and enjoy a very special time with a newborn - I hate to say it but look at the threads of many women trying to conceive on MN who would give up far more than hugs on a sofa on demand, not being the centre of attention, to be be in the position you are right now.

You are very fortunate - you have a loving DH and a healthy baby. Embrace that, don't shit on it because of your ego.