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Help me deal with exh

(12 Posts)
pullingmyhairout1 Wed 06-Dec-17 10:07:59

Back story - Dd moved in with her Dad in September which was meant to be for a month or so whilst I started a new job and moved house. Two days before he thought dd was coming down to live with me he put a PSO in place and a Child arrangement order. Dd7 told me she wanted to stay (albeit her Dad was in the background) so I didn't challenge it, and now she lives with her Dad. This is incredibly hard emotionally. I swing between being ok, being upset, and wanting to rip his head off for the way he went about it (he could have picked up the phone ffs).

Anyway. Now he has started to be difficult about phone calls and I find it very hard to get hold of my dd. The court order has just been put in place so I can see dd this weekend, and inbetween Christmas and New Year.

He has already been messaging me saying he can't cope financially, time-wise, with his life practically begging me to have dd more than once per month but they live 190 miles away and due to the amount I have to pay in child support I can't afford to see her more often (which is another killer).

In the order he states that it would be emotionally distressing for dd to move, and that everything will remain the same for her, but he has changed her after school care arrangements, clubs, stopped her playing with her best friends because they aren't the 'right sort of people'. Plus he stated that he didn't want dd around my partner, even though I have been with him over a year and known him for 30. Yet my friend has advised that he has moved his girlfriend in after meeting her 6 months ago.

This week he became very abusive over whatsapp and text because he has had his legal bill and his solicitor has charged him for my emails to her (I did not get legal rep). It has escalated to the point that I told him he is going to have to contact me via email and I have had to change my number. I told him that in emergencies he will have to contact my parents who are 5 minutes drive from him.

I can't cope with it. He is making me feel ill with the stress of it. I feel like he is doing everything he can to get me out of her life. She's my baby girl.

I don't know why I'm posting this, suppose because I feel bullied, frightened, betrayed.

Someone tell me it'll be ok.

Rainbowqueeen Wed 06-Dec-17 10:13:49

I think you need to speak to women's aid as he sounds abusive. They will be able to help you more than I can

Handholding though, it sounds really stressful

pullingmyhairout1 Wed 06-Dec-17 13:12:05

Rainbow it really is. Such an emotional rollercoaster as well.

I'll try womens aid, see what they say.

pullingmyhairout1 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:17:29

I have emailed them. I can't be this up and down.

Rainbowqueeen Wed 06-Dec-17 22:52:05

Well done.

While you are waiting for a response can you do a time line of events with dates etc, get together court documents etc so that it is easier for them to get the full picture of what is happening so they can advise you properly.

Good luck

pullingmyhairout1 Thu 07-Dec-17 07:08:38

Its all on email, so its fine. Ffs now I can't get her her main Christmas present because she's not able to keep her earrings in for swimming at school. I know its petty but I'm not sure I can take much more of this. His need for control is breaking me.

pullingmyhairout1 Thu 07-Dec-17 15:25:29

Womens Aid have emailed me back. They have asked me to call them.

Rainbowqueeen Fri 08-Dec-17 09:47:02

Well that's great.

I hope you are able to do it soon.

pullingmyhairout1 Fri 08-Dec-17 10:17:50

Tried last night. They must have been busy because I got the answer machine. He has now been awkward about my daughters friends mum bringing her down for Christmas. How can I do the next 11 years of this?

user1475317873 Fri 08-Dec-17 11:01:07

I don't understand; he wants you to have your daughter more often but he still wants full custody? do you want full custudy of your child? Can't you not get custody of your child again?

It seems a mess; hope you can get it sorted and women aids can help you

pullingmyhairout1 Fri 08-Dec-17 12:13:49

I do want full residence of my dd but Cafcass have said because there are no safeguarding issues on either side and we can both offer her the same standard of living with my dd also telling me she wants to stay with him it will be very hard to challenge.

I cannot afford legal rep. He knows that, and that is why I have had to roll over effectively. I feel like I am letting my dd down, but she does tell me it's what she wants. Whether that is coerced or not, well there is nothing I can do.

She is coming down this weekend, and her Dad and I are currently trying to negotiate Christmas because he put yet another obstacle in my way. It seems he is using the opportunity to metaphorically beat me with a stick at every turn.

pullingmyhairout1 Sat 09-Dec-17 15:14:36

Oh god she says she wants to stay. This is going to break me!

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