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Am I over sensitive or is my MIL being a cow

(29 Posts)
Mariegrace92 Sat 02-Dec-17 22:15:50

Hey guys I really need to know if I am just over reacting.. I recently went to my sisters baby shower and decided to invite my MIL to get to know the family, as soon as she walked through the door she freaked out that I gave her the wrong door number , I gave her No.12 instead of no.20, only a few doors difference  please bare in mind this was a total accident ! She made a big thing about it infront of my whole family and it made me feel like I was stupid for giving her the wrong number when it was a simple mistake.. And I did apologise although she put her arms out and insisted on holding my 3 month old baby. as I was walking out I heard her say "let's hope you get nanny's brain and not mummy's "
It's really upset me, or am I just being over sensitive , it didn't sound like she was joking and I know how she can act.. please someone help me understand if I'm overreacting or not as my boyfriend just thinks I'm a bitch for even mentioning and tells me to man up

What's your thoughts guys xx

IrregularCommentary Sat 02-Dec-17 22:22:10

Unless there's a backstory, it does sound like you're overreacting tbh. She probably feels like she's just embarrassed herself at number 20 when she presumably went and knocked on their door and is a little flustered.

The brain comment seems fairly innocuous. Dh and I say stuff like that to dd all the time.

Having said that, you have a young baby. I'm sure I wasn't at my most rational when dd was that age either.

IrregularCommentary Sat 02-Dec-17 22:22:44

12, not 20.

Mariegrace92 Sat 02-Dec-17 22:31:38

Wow I wouldn't know where to start with the back story, I would be here all night typing hehe.
Thanks for your comment, I probably am over reacting I think it's a build up of all the times she's undermined me for the last 5 years, when ever I see her she has to change my baby, dress her and feed her, I understand she loves her dearly however I do miss my DD when we have been round there all day lol, she didn't even end up knocking on the wrong door as she saw my car so seemed very over the top how she reacted

Mariegrace92 Sat 02-Dec-17 22:33:27

For the last 5 years she has told me how I need to train my brain before I end up with memory problems etc.

( I am quite a clumsy person, always have been that's just me)
So I think it hit a soft spot for me when she said it to my baby infront of everyone x

JediStoleMyBike Sat 02-Dec-17 22:34:53

I know how you feel. I have received digs and nasty comments from PIL since my DD was born some 9 months ago. It has settled down now, to a certain extent, and I still find my defences are up. If they say anything to me now, I catch myself wondering what they actually meant by it, because ordinarily it wouldn't have been nice. I may be assuming but I think you can be kicked enough times to see bad in everything after that. Try not to take it to heart though; she won't care, the bad feeling will only rest with you.

FaFoutis Sat 02-Dec-17 22:36:01

With the back story I'm voting cow.

Tinselistacky Sat 02-Dec-17 22:36:02

As she is your mil you friends /family would automatically take your side anyway!!
She was a just embarrassed that's likely all!
Next time she digs about brains be sure to say ah but dm's beauty!

glitterbiscuits Sat 02-Dec-17 22:41:19

It was really nice of you to invite her.

She’s sounds a bit overwhelming. My late mother in law was similar. Luckily she lived a long way from us but she still filled her house with baby things and never bought a pushchair so she could take our our DC - we were a 3 hour drive from her!

I was complimented her Ona dress she had on, she said, ‘ you can have it, when you can fit into it!’

Do you need to spend a whole day with her? I’d back off from her a bit.

anothernetter Sat 02-Dec-17 22:42:15

Yep she sounds like she's a cow. My mil was the same to me during the last 20 years of my relationship with my DH and I got fed up of it in the end and stopped seeing her and her awful partner. They don't get to see as much of my children as they would like but they brought that on themselves. They have gone out of their way to be nasty to me over the years and yet tommorow they will be going to church (total hypocrites)

Mariegrace92 Sat 02-Dec-17 22:58:54

Ah thanks guys that does make me feel abit better, sorry to hear about your MIL’s anothernetter , glitter biscuits and Jedistole my bike , it’s so hard especially when your partner won’t listen and turns the picture on my Dear Mother instead like it’s a competitionhmm
My mum had made some bad decisions in life but she has never been nasty to my partner when on the other hand my MIL has literally made comments to me like " Your making yourself look like a piece of s..t"
To which she realised she had done wrong so she was extra nice for the evening, she put pressure on me for years to make sure me and my partner saw her weekly/fortnightly forgetting that I also need to make time for my massive family.. we didn't see them once for 4 weeks and she fell out my with my partner over this, normally I would totally avoid anyone who makes me feel like this but how can I if she's my mother in law sad

Sorry for the long message but it actually really helps typing my thoughts haha smilebiscuit

Movablefeast Sat 02-Dec-17 23:01:01

I am amazed at the amount of in-laws that are so disinterested or actively unkind to their DIL who still assume they'll get full access and a wonderful relationship with their grandchildren.

My own PIL just treat me as an incubator and my FIL actively ignored me for years until our third child was a boy. They still know almost nothing about me and never ask but then are surprised that DH and I make little effort to see them.

Mariegrace92 Sat 02-Dec-17 23:03:04

Moveablefeast that's quite sad really, I'm sorry to hear that; if I ever have i son I will make sure to not be like these MILS!

JediStoleMyBike Sat 02-Dec-17 23:03:45

If it helps to rant, go for it. My DH was very much in their camp for a while but he picked up on it and has been hot on stopping it for me. That was the changing point for us.
It's funny really - you are only forced together with these people because you all have an invested interest, which is your OH. I wouldn't hang out with my DH's family by choice, we have nothing in common whatsoever apart from him and our DD. I think it's easier to cut them a small sliver of slack when I consider that chances are they find me hard to take as well. I didn't deserve any of it, but it's just who they are and how they deal with stuff. Them, not me.

Mariegrace92 Sat 02-Dec-17 23:09:01

Thank you x
Glad things are better for you now, and yes it really is quite funny I am in the same boat really haha although my OH was actually really supportive to begin with but I think he is fed up of hearing it now, he wants me to tell her how I feel although I would not know where to start and I'm not sure she has ever really said sorry much in her life so I'm scared she will deny it all and try to turn my OH against me , she has been seen to be a very manipulative woman confused

Movablefeast Sat 02-Dec-17 23:10:54

I didn't realise that my PILs divorce was very recent to when DH and I met. His dad left for another woman. So DH had a strained relationship with his dad which I was actually unaware of. Basically I was blamed for it and his dad ignored me when we were first married (He did not cone to our wedding). I asked SIL about it a few years ago and she acknowledged his behavior. She told me her dad had said when we married "If DH won't accept my wife than I won't accept his". Very mature.

We have been married 21 years smile

LH2016 Sat 02-Dec-17 23:13:32

I thought over sensitive now I read back story I think cow

Movablefeast Sat 02-Dec-17 23:14:48

I don't think your MIL will change but don't let her ignore your boundaries or rule the roost in your own home. If she constantly takes the baby meet her out somewhere for coffee so there is a definite beginning and end to your time together. Don't allow her to dominate you.

Mariegrace92 Sat 02-Dec-17 23:15:25

Oh wow that does seem very bitter of your FIL he mustn't be very happy with life , that really isn't fair but congratulations on your 21 years that's lovely star

Mariegrace92 Sat 02-Dec-17 23:16:13

That's a good idea thank you moveablefeast x

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Sat 02-Dec-17 23:17:25

OP, as we say around these parts, you haven't got a mil problem, you got a dh problem. If he takes her side over you and won't stand up for his family, then my dear, you is fucked.

Mariegrace92 Sat 02-Dec-17 23:18:48

Yep you are right, if he chooses to take their side then yeah it's pretty sad.. but I'm not sure I have it in me to make him choose? Maybe I should just distance myself from the MIL lol

Movablefeast Sat 02-Dec-17 23:19:10

He had actually never met me when he accused me of disliking his wife, who I had also never met. Very bizarre. In fact I didn"t know anything about them, DH barely mentioned them. I think he just couldn't face the reality of the fact that his own behavior had caused problems with DH.

Mariegrace92 Sat 02-Dec-17 23:20:23

Yes that sounds about right, makes sense x maybe one day he will realise and apologise ? X

Movablefeast Sat 02-Dec-17 23:35:00

I just have a polite civil relationship with him. Neither DHs dad or mum are big into apologies. In fact I had to teach DH to apologize because noone ever apologized to him so he literally wasn't practiced. He is a lovely man and can say sorry. I think his mum and dad see apologizing as a sign of weakness and that the other person has 'won' and got one over on you. Strange.

My DH would look sad and "hangdog" but not seem to understand that he could resolve the situation easily by apologizing. I would apologize to him and he didn't know what to say in response grin it was a new experience!

He and his sister were taught to put their parents feelings before their own and to ignore anything uncomfortable or, dare I say, disfunctional.

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