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I feel like a failure of a mom

(1 Post)
Elsouth Thu 30-Nov-17 20:35:31

I feel like an awful mom. I have no patience at all. My 3 yo DS is becoming so naughty and defiant all the time. It's exhausting. And I have a 1yo DS who is also quite demanding as he's always been clingy to me and he's teething so is grumpy a lot. He's also being naughty and throws one heck of a tantrum for his age. I feel like all I do is shout and lose my cool. I'd never lay a finger on my kids but I'm scared I'm doing just as much harm by constantly shouting. My eldest just seems to ignore me when I ask him to stop throwing or to not bang his brothers head against the wall!!! Today I had DS2 in my arms and he kept running away from the car back into the house and I ended up slamming my car door probably the loudest I've ever done out of sheer frustration. He wasn't in the car at the time, I followed him back in the house and made him sit down and told him if he's naughty and runs away into the road he's going to end up hurt. It broke my heart an hour later when he told me he can't be naughty because if he runs off he will get hurt. He sounded so sad. I feel like I've turned into some monster and he's going to end up hating me.
But I'm just at my wits end and I feel like that in itself is a bad sign. I want to actually scream sometimes, this week has been difficult, my mom normally visits a couple times so I get chance to run errands and even do the shopping for some me time, but she hasn't been and I've had no break. And I know they are my kids to look after and I love them more than anything, I would never ever hurt them, but I really need a break sometimes. It's that time of the month and I'm always more emotional. Plus I'm waiting for an appt to be checked for signs of cervical cancer so I'm worried sick over that. I sit there thinking I'm terrified I'm going to die and leave my kids without a mom and then in another breathe I'm thinking my kids deserve a better mom than me and I'll end up making them hate me.
I just feel so defeated and I wish I knew how to stop shouting and find something that works. I don't want my kids to see me as this horrible person because I'm not my life revolves around them and their happiness.

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