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Concerned about nothing?

(9 Posts)
Nikstar Thu 30-Nov-17 20:34:15

My nephew who is 9 came to stay over last Saturday night with my 9 year old son.
Everything was going normally, riotous shreiking jumping around fighting etc etc however... My husband said early Sunday morning he heard my son giggling but sounded annoyed at the same time and kept saying stop it leave me alone. Later my husband asked my son what had happened and my son said after a lot of persuasion that his cousin was tickling his penis and balls. I am shocked!
My son didn't like it and said he knew it didn't feel right.
I have a horrible feeling about this because my nephew also watched 18 horror movies at times and plays 18 games. My hubby is suspicious of my brother in law and has always felt he has a secret. I spoke to my sister who didn't seem too bothered and said they all do it to which I replied no they don't! But is this normal or am I worrying myself sick my nephew is being groomed by his dad and his friends!? Crazy I know but something's not right?
Help please is this a normal 9 year old boy behaviour?

CheapSausagesAndSpam Thu 30-Nov-17 23:12:03

They don't "all do it" at all and certainly not at 9. A 4 year old having an experiment is perhaps less worrying.

I would tell my sister of my concerns and stop my son from being alone with anyone in that family.

tiktok Fri 01-Dec-17 00:47:28

Not normal. And horrible for your ds. Sounds at the very least that boundaries are very poor indeed in that family. You can’t let this go, imo.

Nikstar Fri 01-Dec-17 16:04:22

I had a text from her but I think my brother in law wrote it. Saying they have listened to my nephew's version of events and they are satisfied with his replies. Bull shit basically. My sister's head well and truly in the sand. My son will be having no more sleep overs there or be unsupervised with them. It's needs must. They brought this to my door and are denying it.... Thing is they don't know my husband heard my DS saying don't touch me there so they are implying he is lying.... Big mistake. I feel sorry for my sister's kids. They are not being brought up the way I would but that's their mistake and they have to deal with the consequences. My children will now not be allowed anywhere near my brother bin law unsupervised. Thanks

mindutopia Fri 01-Dec-17 17:20:39

It's perfectly normal for children that age to be curious about their bodies and to show each other their bodies and sometimes to engage in some touching. But it isn't normal for it to not be consensual (usually it's in the midst of just normal play and out of curiosity). This doesn't sound like it was a mutual consensual thing that they both wanted to do, and that would raise concerns for me. At 9 years old, kids are old enough to know those boundaries and it does raise red flags that someone is mimicking that same sort of boundary crossing with him at home (or somewhere else). I think unfortunately you are very wise to limit unsupervised contact between them (the child and also your BIL) in the future.

mindutopia Fri 01-Dec-17 17:21:59

Out of curiosity though, what has made you suspicious of your BIL in the past? Is it anything that would be serious enough that you might think of reporting it?

Nikstar Fri 01-Dec-17 17:42:56

He has sent pornography to my husband which my husband said was extreme and he found very unpleasant. My bill couldn't understand why my hubby didn't like it. I think my bill has been groomed as a child and is now sexually needs extremes to get pleasure from it. His dad was a footballer and he was around them a lot too. He also we suspect had a bit of a dabble with a male friend who was gay. They had a big fight and no longer talk. All red flags for us.

booboobutt Fri 01-Dec-17 18:08:42

How awful for your son. You must all be in shock.

Have you thought about what you'll do regarding the safety of your nephew?

Nikstar Fri 01-Dec-17 18:54:17

I have told my sister exactly my theory why he has done it and not minced my words on how serious it is. If I hear any more I will tell her I have to report it for my nephew's sake. She I think is being gas lighted by my bil and he has normalised all this behaviour and disempowered her in terms of parenting. it is so obvious. Her kids don't listen to a word she says and she always threatens them with I will tell your dad to which they respond very quickly indeed 😥

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