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I don't want to be home alone with my baby

(40 Posts)
KimchiLaLa Thu 30-Nov-17 19:33:55

I love my baby but I don't really want to be home alone with her. I don't feel like I can't cope with her - although the feeding/napping is monotonous - it's more the feeling of being bored and wanting someone else to be there. I just feel a bit low when I am just at home alone. I do also feel like after I've had a break, I appreciate her more.

I dread the 5-6 pm period not as she is fussy but because I know the evening and the night feeds are coming, and love Fridays even more as DH can then help with the late nights. For example, tomorrow I have no plans with friends so I'm going to my mum's so I'm not alone at home with her and I get to be around my family & take a break.

Is this normal? Or does it sound like a mild form of PND?

Nottalotta Thu 30-Nov-17 20:01:50

I think it sounds pretty normal tbh. Having a baby is a huge change in your life. You spend your time being slowly busy. I felt likeep I was always doing something but never getting anything done. Everything takes longer. It's a big adjustment especially if you were a busyear person beforehand.

I didn't notice it quite so much with my first but now I have two (2 and 9 months) I really do. I get bored.

How old is she? It does get better as they get older (as long as you don't have another one like I did....... I'm joking but I did feel like life had got easier with dc1 only for me to f**know it up by getting pregnant again......)

Ecureuil Thu 30-Nov-17 20:03:21

I never spent a full day at home with mine as babies! It was so boring. We got out and about every day. I don’t think I had PND, I just preferred having people around.

Quartz2208 Thu 30-Nov-17 20:04:43

Normal I remember with DD I hated not having any plans for the day and had to fill it with at least something! It does get easier - and was far easier with DS as DD was at preschool then I had more to do

ApplesTheHare Thu 30-Nov-17 20:08:35

I used to dread days alone with DD. It's definitely easier when other people are around! There's more to engage baby sp they're generally not as miserable, plus extra pairs of hands to help you out. Honestly they get more fun and less soul destroying after 6 months when they can sit up by themselves and play with a few toys. It's tough being a mum to a young baby, be kind to yourself I'm sure you're a great mum flowers

Winifredgoose10 Thu 30-Nov-17 20:08:51

I think it is normal to feel like this with a newborn. I know lots of women who felt this way. I loved my babies, but there is no way i could have spent all day at home with them, without feeling bored/lonely. I made sure we filled our days.

GandTforme Thu 30-Nov-17 20:09:53

Might be pnd but I think it sounds pretty normal! Unless you love the baby stage looking after one at home can be monotonous and lonely. I remember the empty day stretching ahead of me sometimes and feeling very down. How old is your baby? Do you go to any baby groups? Even if you're not a group person just getting out the house breaks up the day and you get some social interaction.

Celticlassie Thu 30-Nov-17 20:11:40

This is why there are baby groups - the two of you can get up and out. It gives your day / week a bit of routine and means it's not the two of you all the time. It's made a world of difference to me.

newmum7369 Thu 30-Nov-17 20:22:44

Sounds normal to me OP, I have often felt the same and don't think I have PND.

We go to a few baby and toddler groups each week. DS is 4 months so he can't do much and I find they are mainly attended by toddlers rather than babies, but it gets me out of the house, I chat to other mums and it gives a bit of structure to the week.

I love the bones of DS, but it is monotonous and can be very lonely. I can't speak from experience but I imagine this is alleviated a little as they grow, although I'm sure there are new challenges as they get older!

KimchiLaLa Thu 30-Nov-17 20:31:06

She's 9 weeks and people keep telling me, oh at 6 it will be different. And now it's oh at 12 weeks you will feel better. So I keep waiting for the next stage. I have another mum friend also on mat leave who I meet regularly for coffee but my baby is so small, I want to wait until new year for groups, but do plan on getting out to some...

Pseudousername Thu 30-Nov-17 20:37:07

You might have PND (I did) or you might not - key is keeping your partner or HV or friend or even just MN etc. in the loop as to how you're feeling.
It's such hard work at home with a baby - god love them they are a bit boring.
You're def doing a fab job just by reaching out.

ColonelJackONeil Thu 30-Nov-17 20:45:16

One thing I like to do when feeling a bit lonely at home is listening to audio books and podcasts. It entertains you and gives you a feeling of having some company but you can do things while listening.

user1493413286 Thu 30-Nov-17 21:01:28

That feeling really is normal; my DD is 7 months and it’s lovely because she can play and interact which makes it massively different to 9 weeks but I still very rarely go a day without seeing other adults etc. I have a weekly routine of a couple of groups, seeing other mums and then I find things to do on any other days.
I also used to dread the evenings with the night feeds but once you start getting longer periods of sleep that changes a lot so just try to remember that everything passes.

Ellieboolou27 Thu 30-Nov-17 21:08:16

I feel like this and mine are 5 and 2 grin
It's normal, sometimes I drive to my mums which is an hours drive each way just so I can have some adult company!
I'm lucky that I do have a friend close by, but staying at home with the kids can be tough and lonely, it does get easier but having kids really does restrict you from what you used to do, that takes time to come to terms with. Your not alone.

Waterdropsdown Thu 30-Nov-17 21:17:36

Did you do Nct or similar? It helps so much to have other new mums about to moan/go for coffee/walk in park. Going to a class or 2 might help you meet some local mums who all share the same problems that the monotony of it brings.

It is boring and I felt the days so long at your stage but it passes so fast! I’m into the last few weeks of Mat leave and I’m really sad, not even fussed about seeing anyone I just want to play with my babies (well I guess technically they are toddlers).

prismWitch Thu 30-Nov-17 21:25:52

I think is normal, at least I remember hating my life to the core at that stage. I don't have any family here and all of my friends are working full time. There were months at a time that the only person I spoke was my DH. I even started to count days in bottles. I knew that if I am on 3rd one he will be home soon...

Go out as much as you can, go to your mum. There is no shame in needing company of another grown up. You have luck to have somebody to break the dull day, use it! Seriously, do it for all of us that had cats for company...

Other thing I noticed is that everytime I went out with my baby, she would behave like an angel. When at home I felt like she drove my nuts.

6 months is the charm. Since my DD turned 6 months she became much more fun and intreactive. Started to show her personality and life is not so bad anymore. She is now 16 months and she is so much fun.

RachelRosie Thu 30-Nov-17 21:39:01

OP, I could have written this myself. My little girl was born at April and I have probably spend 3 full days home alone with her. I had a bit of anxiety and a touch of the baby blues at 5 weeks and really struggled to stay at home. It was much easier to occupy both of us out of the house, either going for walks/town.
I made the most of having a portable, sleepy baby by visiting garden centres, galleries, museums I'd been meaning to get to. Try and enjoy it and don't feel guilty.
Honestly, it does get easier. I found our local children's centre groups a life saver. I didn't know many other mums at first but my HV put in touch with a couple of new mums in the same position and we meet up each week. The library also do lovely groups.
As months got on and we got to know each better it was easier to stay at home. As you get in to routine, especially once weaning starts, staying at home is less scary. My LG is so much easier to entertain at home now she can sit up. Be kind to yourself OP, what your feeling is very normal xx

KimchiLaLa Thu 30-Nov-17 21:41:27

I think what doesn't help is that she is small (only 7 pounds but gaining weight well) and can't take much at each feed (I've posted about it in other threads) so I don't see her sleeping at night anytime soon. I keep getting told it will come but until she takes at least 4 ounces (and she's only on two) im not sure it will!

ApplesTheHare Thu 30-Nov-17 21:47:40

Kimchi tbh I think you're given a lot of unrealistic expectations about sleeping through while you're pregnant. They often don't sleep well until after 1 when all teeth have come through, etc. They often have regressions due to colds, weaning, etc., basically anything. It's brutal but it really DOES get better eventually.

KimchiLaLa Fri 01-Dec-17 03:24:56

Apples then who are all these women online that have mythical creatures who sleep through?!

Foggymist Fri 01-Dec-17 04:00:35

I agree with Apples, my ds is 2.5 and has never slept more than 3 hours at a time, until he was at least 20+ months he woke every 1-2 hours, often still does. 9 weeks is still very very early/tiny! At that age you can still do things you want, as they get older it has to be more stuff that suits and entertains them. So get out for walks, shopping, lunch/coffee etc with her now, enjoy this time where she can't move or scramble away and doesn't wreck your house!

10FingersOnTheFender Fri 01-Dec-17 04:28:07

Sounds totally normal to me! I felt much the same way as you

IceniLacuna Fri 01-Dec-17 04:41:14

who are all these women online that have mythical creatures who sleep through A lot of the people claiming that their babies 'sleep through' are defining this as fulfilled if the baby sleeps from say 1am (a perfectly reasonable bedtime for an adult of course) and 5am (well it's normal for kidd to wake up early). Others are just determined optimists who define their best-ever night as "normal" and all the disrupted nights as "unusual" even if there are more of them. There are also exceptions of course, some are genuinely lucky and have a baby who actually sleeps. The annoying thing is when they attribute their luck to a particular technique or parenting philosophy and reckon that if everyone followed their example then all babies would sleep better. Untrue.

Mine didn't discover sleep as a desirable activity until about 15 months old, but every baby is different.

Be kind to yourself.

EssentialHummus Fri 01-Dec-17 04:41:44

12 week old DD here. Just get out every day. Go to Sainsbury’s and buy one tomato if need be. And if you didn’t do NCT or similar ask on your local FB group whether any other new mums are up for a coffee, or find something like a baby massage course to do. brew

BeerBaby Fri 01-Dec-17 05:26:03

It might be normal it might be the start of pnd. Sleep deprivation made me feel very depressed.

If you can go out even if just for a walk then do it. If you start to feel worse or not better shortly you need to talk to your GP

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