End of my tether with 7 year old wetting himself

[Wellhellothere1]

Hi. I'm hoping someone can help with some advice on how I can deal with this. My 7 year old DS has had a problem with wetting himself for years and I just don't know what to do now. He goes for weeks and months with no accidents at all but then he goes through phases of wetting himself on a daily basis (sometimes multiple times) and this lasts for a few weeks. This current phase has lasted now for about 4 weeks and I could cry with frustration. My parental instincts tell me it's not a medical issue as it doesn't happen all the time. I think it's behavioural-he's having too good a time to stop what he's doing and go to the toilet.
I've tried everything to deal with this-
Saying nothing and quietly help him get changed. Didn't work
Giving him an incentive to stay dry-play date/day trip with friends. Didn't work
Make him put his clothes in the washing machine and go upstairs to get changed. Doesn't work
I called the ERIC helpline and they were a great help and advised me to help him increase his fluid intake. Doesn't work.
I've dipped his urine and there's no infection. He's usually dry in bed and only has a couple of accidents a year.
Tonight when he came home from school his pants were soaking wet, he smelled of urine and he has a rash in between his legs.
I said tonight he had a few days to try and help himself. If he doesn't he will be grounded which is his worst fear! I've never grounded him before but I can't believe he's 7 and still regularly wetting himself so I feel I need to try something drastic. I don't want him to be picked on at school because of this. Plus I need to turn down playdates after school as I don't know if he'll be wet or dry when his friends' mums pick him up. Has anyone else gone through this and have any words of wisdom?

[Wellhellothere1]

Anyone? Sob!

[Etarip]

My DS isn't as old as yours but we still get the occasional 'accident' - which is clearly not an accident but shear laziness as he cant be bothered to stop what he's doing. Like yours it seems to go in phases. I think part of it is when he's run down with a cold - it seems to correlate anyway. I really have no advice though I'm so sorry. Mine has just turned 5 but I think at 7 I would be inclined to take him to the GP even though you feel it's not medical. Good luck

[RagamuffinCat]

What does your GP think?

[nightshade]

I really don't know....can he rationalise talk through or understand what he is doing?

[iwouldgoouttonight]

So sorry you're going through this, my DS is 11 and still wetting himself, and it's such a horrible thing to deal with. Embarrassing, frustrating, tiring, and something that people tend not to speak about so it feels difficult to get support. It's so difficult to know whether it's a behavioural thing or a medical problem.

Has your DS been checked to see if he's constipated? He can still be constipated even if he seems to be pooing normally. This makes the bowel put pressure on the bladder and makes it harder to hold wee in.

[Sittinonthefloor]

Take him to gp, we had a similar issue and trip to gp seemed to help - although we didn't do anything else!

[Cabininthewoods69]

Gp or school nurse can help.

[MegBusset]

Hello, you have my sympathy - been there and got the T shirt with DS2! Same reasons (not wanting to stop what he was doing), same pattern (dry for ages then a spate of accidents), GP said no medical issues although he is hypermobile which doesn't help.

For us the only thing that made a difference was... Time. He's now eight and a half and a lot more reliable although still less so than many of his peers. It's just something that has taken him longer than a lot of kids. Otoh there are lots of other things he's good at!

Although it's frustrating, I wouldn't punish him or stop him going on playdate s etc. It's not something he's doing deliberately, just that he's not quite there yet. If he goes on a playdate, send him with a bag with dry clothes to change into if necessary. Ds2 went on his first Cub Camp in the summer and went through every change of clothing I sent him with, but he still had a great time and I wouldn't have wanted him to miss that.

[QuiteLikely5]

Going through similar. Time is the only thing. I wouldn’t punish him for it either. I have found sympathy works best.

It’s phases here too. I’m hoping once he is much older it stops. I literally can not control him or his bladder and have decided getting angry or upset neither helps him or me.

[Wellhellothere1]

The GP thought he had balanitis a while ago and prescribed an antifungal cream with no effect. I last took him to the GP when he was about 4 or 5 and I've avoided taking him again as I think all they will do is possibly prescribe desmopressin which I feel is a temporary fix. I guess another trip may be warranted as he may have constipation although he never seems to have a problem there. I feel it isn't constipation that causes the problem as he's fine for ages then he wets himself for weeks on end. I also feel he would be so embarrassed going to the GP and it may make him feel ashamed and as if he's in trouble. Poor kid! I really don't know how to help him.

[CAAKE]

My ds hates stopping what he's doing to do to the toilet. Is that what's happening to your ds, do you think?

Mine doesn't wet himself completely any more, but most days it's clear that he's left it too late to go because he's damp and he smells. We told him at the end of last week that if it continues he's going to be wearing pull ups to school because it's got to stop - he was horrified by this threat and was dry after school today. Could something like that work for your ds?

[CAAKE]

*I should say that I obviously don't think the problem is solved after just one dry day!

[Wellhellothere1]

Oh and my DH had just reminded me that he took him to the GP about six weeks ago as my DS had a tight foreskin (TMI I know) and discussed the wetting with the GP. The GP checked his urine-it was clear and said he will grow out of it. He put it down to laziness.

[brapbrapbrap]

*MegBusset
*
Can I ask how hypermobility affects it? Just wondering because my DS has it.

[NoStraightEdges]

What out a watch with an alarm function?

Set it for break time and lunch time and when it goes off he has to go to the loo? Or when he's at home set it for whatever time works with what's going on that day.

What about those kids pant liners? Help with the smell and possibly help that when he feels it coming he knows it's time to get to the loo?

sound tough for you both

[Crumbs1]

In short term speak to teacher and ask if the TA can remind him to go regularly throughout the day until he gets in the habit.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

I am not sure why you are so anti- desmopressin. It is replacing a hormone that they cannot produce and is temporary until such time as they can produce that which may be as late as 15/16.

My Ds had similar issues and again would go through dry patches followed by spates of wetting (again sometimes twice a night). he was under the enuresis clinic from 7 to 15 and it is hopefully sorted (although the odd occasional late night party may mean a wet bed - even now without medication and at the age of 16).

Yes it is tiring washing and drying bedding, duvets, waterproof sheeting.

However you should not be punishing your child. He should be helping with the stripping of the bed etc but never punished. Please get an enuresis referral and help your child through it. It is as distressing for him as it is for you but there are techniques that can help him.

Eg. if having a sleepover have a glass of water by the side of his bed so that he can "spill" it to save any embarrassment in front of friends.

My son has been on sleepovers (with parents fully aware so they too can help cover up accidents), school trips (who have told me that you'd be amazed how many kids have the same medication and put in place ways of alerting staff to accidents in order that beds can be changed without drawing it to the attention of other kids etc.

You are doing your DS a disservice by not treating it as medical and under no circumstances should he be being punished.

[Hawkmoth]

Sensory Processing disorder?

My children genuinely don't recognise the signals.

[Wellhellothere1]

CAAKE yes I think my son has exactly the same problem as yours. He just doesn't want to stop what he's doing. He finds it difficult to explain to me and I find this strange too as he's normally very articulate and can make himself understood easily. He's a great kid and this is his only issue!

I think an alarm might help nostraightedges I think he avoids going to the loo at playtime and lunchtime as he's having too much fun then is scared to ask the teacher to leave the class to go to the toilet when he gets in. He's a bit scared of his new teacher who I think quite rightly restricts how often her pupils leave the class. And I think the pant liners might help too. I'll look into that.
Thanks all for your replies. I haven't mentioned this to any of my friend in RL.

[semideponent]

We used a Malem bedwetting alarm with DD (at nights) and it did the trick. I really recommend it: it's not clear from your post if your DS has trouble at nights when he has a phase like this. If he does, then I think it's worth trying it out. Not the kind of thing he could use in the day however.

[Wellhellothere1]

Thanks semi and allthebest He doesn't have a problem with bed wetting at night. He's dry at night so that's the only reason I don't think desmopressin would work. My understanding is it stops urine production for 8 hours but my son's problem is during the day so stopping urine production for 8 hours wouldn't really work.

[EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck]

My 2 youngest seem to have very weak full bladder signals, and can only feel it when they need to go RIGHT NOW! DS2 still needs Dry Nites, DD stopped needing them when she was 8.

[Wellhellothere1]

hawkmoth I googled SPD and he definitely doesn't match any of these signs. Thanks anyway.

[haba]

My son was like this, and is just grown out of it in Y4 (weeps).
He has no medical issue (well, he has HF ASD, but not physical medical issue) he just doesn't want to stop what he's doing for something as boring as going to the loo!
His teacher in Y3 was v understanding, and he was allowed a loo pass, so he could go during lessons. It helped tremendously- he really managed to stop 99% of the time. The only time he wets now is when he is constipated/needs a poo (he holds poo in, for similar reasons), and I think it's too much for him sometimes to hold both
No amount of telling him stops him from trying to avoid the loo... only sanctions for wetting himself seem to work.
He gets very cross with us telling him to go to the loo, even though it's completely obvious he needs it.

[Eeeeek2]

I didn’t want to stop what I was doing to go to the loo. What worked for me was my parents telling me to go to the loo between activities
and also talking to my teacher and making sure I was directed to the toilet on the way out to break and lunch.

This meant that I didn’t have to stop playing to go but it became ingrained in the routine.