Helping DS11 with new school

[Frzzledmumof4]

We moved area a couple of months ago with 4 DCs. Three younger ones all doing fine and settled in really well at school. DS11 is really struggling with friendships and today told me he hasn't got any friends, all the kids have been mean to him all day and he wishes he was back at his old school. I have no idea how to help him. He wasn't all that happy at his previous school and struggled with friendships there for the last couple of years. I'd really hoped this would be a great fresh start. I do know that he can actually be quite irritating at home and always has to have the last word, makes little comments about everything and corrects people constantly. He's told me a couple of times he's told the teacher about something another child has done and I've said maybe it wasn't a good idea to say that in front of the whole class -mind your own business and no wonder everyone thinks you're bloody annoying- He can also be really lovely and has a lot going on at home with autistic siblings, he's very sweet and sensitive. I know his confidence needs a boost and feel awful that we've probably really dented his confidence by telling him off for all the little annoying comments all the fucking time. So what do we do now? We have 8 more months of year 6 and he's so unhappy. He's due to start secondary next year and I can't imagine him having the confidence to go and make friends.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

From my very limited experience, Y6 can be tough even with established friendships. Is there anyone he gets on better with? How would he feel about inviting a friend around for tea? They could eat pizza and maybe play minecraft?

Does he have any interests other than school?

[Frzzledmumof4]

I don't think there's even one child he would invite round :( He's into Lego and is quite sporty and has done karate for a while. I need to look outside school for new things for him to do.

[lorisparkle]

My ds1 struggled with friendships and found year 6 very tough. Whilst he had always been at the same school it certainly did not help. I was very worried about how he would cope at secondary as the only friends he did have were going to a different school. However he is loving secondary and has a new friend!!! He seems to be getting on socially with children that he never got on with at primary which I was amazed about. I know it does not help now but may reassure you for the future. One thing that has seemed to help is that he is in a scout group.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

It’s good that he likes Karate and I’d second trying Scout’s too. Our DS has made friends through Scouts that he is now in High School with and it has definitely helped.

Would he be interested in doing another sport as well as the karate? Is there a ski slope or climbing wall near to you?

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

And...have you found the MN preteens section yet? That’s usually pretty helpful 🙂

[Brandnewstart]

We moved when my son was about to start yr 2 and it was really hard.
I found girls to be more tolerant of my son (who has some social issues due to additional needs) at this age. Would that be a possibility to invite a girl rather than a boy round?
Do you think he may be somewhere on the spectrum too? Just a thought. Do they have a emotional literacy programme at the school? My son learnt communication skills in a group.
I also looked at making friends in years below. His best friend is two years younger but it suits his maturity.
He's is yr 9 and is doing ok now. He attends a nurture room which means he mixes with all ages but they are all a bit quirky. It's worth looking ahead to see what the secondary school can offer.
Sorry this is all a bit disjointed but I hope he starts to feel happier soon.

[Frzzledmumof4]

Thanks for all the suggestions. This parenthood thing just gets harder and harder, doesn't it?? He has 2 younger siblings on the spectrum and I don't think he has ASD, apart from his friendship issues and a newly formed phobia of stickers I'd say he's pretty neurotypical. There's no way he'd invite a girl round as apparently all girls are annoying. He did used to be friends with girls but it's obviously not the thing at his age.

[user1495451339]

Poor thing, my son is in year 6 and spends most of his break times/after school kicking a football around. If your son likes football I would really push this. Mine is part of a local team which consists of other boys from his school and they play every week and do social events. If you found a local team for him to join especially one that had boys from his school in it would be a great way to develop deeper friendships.

[Frzzledmumof4]

I mentioned to his teacher he was having friendship issues and she's told him to stop being so annoying. I have no idea how to help him. I get that some of his bloody irritating behaviour is defensive but how the hell do I coach him through this, short of yelling " stop being such an annoying little twat!" He can't seem to see he's irritating and that pointing things out in front of the whole class means everyone can see him being a pernickety little shit and they will avoid him. He seems to think if they aren't involved they won't get annoyed. I adore him and hate to see him so sad but I just feel like shaking him right now - we're trying to make friends!!

[Brandnewstart]

Have they got a communications group? It's also called the ELSA programme down here. It's all about emotional literacy.
You could also role play situations from different points of view to show him how other people may feel when he shouts out/corrects.
It's hard and my son has had some hard lessons in friendships because he can't reign in his behaviour x