Is there such a thing as a parenting course to help become a better parent?

[pinkcarpet]

I'm looking for advice on parenting courses or some way of learning how to parent better. I have DD 3.5 and another on the way and am terrified of not being able to cope with 2. I have read lots of books e.g. Toddlercalm, how to talk so kids will listen but nothing works consistently and I feel like a failure. I can just about cope with DD most days but I know I need help because I have problems controlling my anger when DD misbehaves and problems controlling stress/panic when she doesn't cooperate with what I ask. I work full time Mon to fri so only see her at weekends and briefly during the week and would really like to enjoy the time we do have together, not just have constant battles or feel angry/stressed and on the edge of coping and then wish I was still at work to get away from it all.

Can anyone recommend a course or guide that's helped them?

[MonkeyJumping]

In our area there are courses run by the local children's centre and by one of the churches. Have you tried googling for courses near you? I'm not sure an online course would be as useful as one where you can talk things through.

[user1493413286]

I would phone your health visitors office; there are lots of courses and some organisations do it one on one for people who can’t get to the groups
Triple p is the name of one in my local area.

[rcit]

I don't know about a course or a guide but toddlers are absoutely exhausting and can be infuriating. I think your situation is normal. My kids are now older (10-12) but have a cousin who is a toddler. My kids came to me and calmly and politely asked whether we could meet up with the toddler outside of our own house because the toddler will not cooperate with instructions and is a bit of a one child wrecking ball . They also have a baby cousin and one of my kids said, the baby is so cute but I really am dreading him turning into a toddler.

NB - when mine were toddlers, they were just the same. They do grow out of it and turn into nice beings!

[SleepingStandingUp]

I can't but would suggest talking to your midwife or health visitor. When is baby due and how long do you plan on having off? Will you be going back full time?
The first battle is admitting you need help so well done on that

[MrsJayy]

Contact your health visitor or nursery and ask them there certainly is parenting courses but you need to find out where and when they are run.

[MrsJayy]

I am hopeless at links but google Triple p parenting courses they run classes and online courses. I would highly recommend triple p

[pinkcarpet]

Thanks for the suggestions. I don't have a health visitor contact but I'll ask the midwife next time I see her. I don't know how long I'll have for mat leave. Last time I had a year but the last 6 months of it were awful. I wanted to go back to work at 6 months but DD was still so helpless and tiny at that point (not crawling, still breastfeeding and still waking multiple times a night) I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her with anyone else and spent the whole time feeling torn between working and parenting. Still do to be honest and don't want to make the same mistakes again plus I'm really worried DD will react badly to a sibling and be even more demanding than she already is and behave even worse.

[DoItAgainBob]

I was also going to recommend triple P. Speak to your HV as they usual run them

[Love51]

There are lots of different ones available -most of the ideas are similar but they are organised for different lengths of time. Some organisers offer childcare, others don't. Google parenting programmes and the name of to your council area.

[MrsJayy]

Is your Dd at nursery? They would be able to help you with her at home behaviour or direct you to a course.

[pinkcarpet]

Yes DD is at nursery 3 days a week and with a nanny 2 days. She doesn't like nursery and it's always a painful drop off but they are trying to help. Now I think about it they did send something home about a Triple P session but it's an hr in the middle of the morning so I can't get to it without taking a day of annual leave.

[SleepingStandingUp]

How is she for the Nanny behaviour wise?

[pinkcarpet]

She has a good bond with the nanny and generally behaves ok as far as I know, but will often not want to go to or leave places e.g. Nanny will take her to the park but she'll say she doesn't want to go. They get there and then she won't want to leave! If myself and the nanny are both around she will want me to do everything though and will refuse Nanny's help. I once made the mistake of going to help out at DD usual playgroup with nanny because I had a day off work and it was awful. DD had meltdown and refused to do anything other than cling to me for 2hrs. Apparently she was fine later in the day after I'd left to go to my hospital appt.

[SleepingStandingUp]

That sounds normal for 2 x

What kind of stuff do you do together at the weekend?
Is Dad around?

[MrsJayy]

She is missing you I am not saying that to make you feel guilty or anything.
. She is clingy because she wants your attention but because she is 3 she can't articulate, so she clings on and acts out because she is getting attention and negative attention is as good as anything.

you need to try and turn negative behaviour into positive I think if you can you should maybe try and go to the nursery session if not sign up online because thisis stressing you and your daughter out.

[pinkcarpet]

MrsJayy she is pretty articulate and will tell me she doesn't want me to go to work and wants me to stay at home so I'm not sure the bad behaviour is about lack of communication although I agree it's not ideal and she is missing me. The problem is that when I'm actually at home and offer to do stuff she is totally uncooperative or just defiantly badly behaved. At weekends I give her my full attention e.g. Saturday I was home with her all day and offered loads of different activities but she wasn't interested in them. As soon as she woke up she just wanted to watch tv (which is banned at the moment due to making her hyper and tantrum) and refused to get dressed. I offered to go to the park with her, play in the garden, read stories, do jigsaws, do Lego, play with her teddies or paint with her. She refused all of those options and just wanted to watch something on tv called numberjacks that she'd seen at nursery. I kept saying no it's playtime and that i wanted to play because it was the first day all week we had time to play together but it just deteriorated into a shouting battle about putting clothes on and no tv until DH got home at midday and then he managed to persuade her to get dressed and have lunch. most weekends are like this and nothing seems to interest her yet she doesn't want me to be away from her. I don't know what to do differently but really want things to get better

[SleepingStandingUp]

It soubda like you're trying to make the weekend significant because you see her so little into the week. I would try and ease off. If she doesn't want to play, what happens if you say ok, mommy will sit here and read for a bit, come and get me of you want me? Then if she plays by herself just be aware, comment on how lovely she is playing, join in if she asks but take the pressure off of mommy wants you to play with her.
We don't use tally as discipline so have less battles over it but a little bit of tally watched together - especially something educational like numberjacks sounds- is still something to help you bond.
It soubda like you're trying so very very hard and I thiol your daughter - who misses you and feels insecure - is playing that x

[pinkcarpet]

Thanks Sleeping I'll try to be a bit more low key about it. Tv is going to have to stay banned because it's contributing to major tantrums but I'll ease off the enforced play and see what happens. I am not very good without structure but it woukd he so nice to just have fun with DD without stress or pressure

[SleepingStandingUp]

I reckon if you are there and available but let her lead she'll want to play x

[tostaky]

One of my child is « difficult » so I did all the parenting course in my local area and nothing changed...
One evening after all hell broke loose in my house, I said to my husband we need some help. Real help. So I found a child psychotherapist through the British foundation of psychoanalysis (BFp)and that was the best thing we have done!!

We had an initial meeting with the therapist, one with my child then three on his own for an assessment. Then we did treatment-via-the parent so every two weeks DH and I would meet the therapist and discuss issues and how to handle them best.
It took a few months to improve a bit and then after 6 months we saw a sudden change. We no longer go but everyone is commenting on how behaviour has improved and what a good boy he is now. So much we have decided to send our second son to her for the things that bothered us and she is great again!
At the very least it is super useful to talk with a professional of child mental health.

[corythatwas]

Of course it is impossible to gauge from a post on a forum if your dd is unusually difficult, OP- it's about things like intensity and frequency.

But going merely by what you are telling us, it does sound a bit like you are taking normal toddler behaviour as a sign that somehow you are failing, that you're not getting it right. Not wanting to start a new activity, not wanting to stop what she is doing isn't naughty behaviour she needs to be trained out of: it's a normal developmental stage. You need to distract her and chivvy her on enough to keep her going and making life bearable for yourself. But you haven't failed in anything.

At this stage dd used to refuse to come home from her childminder, despite having made a terrible fuss about going in the first place. Dh, who was the one who picked her up, devised a game where they were chasing wildebeest down the street (Chaaaaarge!!!) Many years later he found himself at a civic function next to his local MP. "Oh, I remember you," says local MP, "you were the wildebeest."

I used to sing a lot in those days, not because I particularly felt like singing, but to drown out my own murderous thoughts.

If your dd misses the television, how about including times curled up on the sofa when you read or sing together? That will still give you time together but less demanding and stressful. You can still take her out and exercise her at other times.