The thought of having a second child fills me with dread. Do I have a problem?

[RoseannaLingLing]

Hi,
This is the first time I have ever done something like this, so natrually I am bit shy. Some quick background info. I am a english stay at home mum living in Brazil with my 18 month old daughter & my husband. We have no family here it is just us (although my husband is Brazilian). I am so happy with my daughter & trying to start up a business around being a full time mum & taking care of our home. My husband helps as much as he can but he works 3 days a week in another city so I am mostly alone. Unlike England we don't have any mothers clubs here where mums can meet & intergrate. I have one play area close but I am lucky if there is another mum there at the same time. I had a easy pregnancy & birth, my daughter has been always been happy & content suffering no colic, reactions from injections or problems with feeding. Now she is 18 months & I feel a bit pressured to have another baby (not from my husband but from society, I am still in my early 30's but there is 14 years between me & my husband). The thought of gonig through sleepless nights, breast feeding & caring for 2 children makes me feel sick. I know my husband want to have more children but my gut just says no. Am I being selfish? I don't want to give up my life just to have children I want to be more independent again. Help?

[amys14]

No! You’re not being selfish! It’s up to you and your husband, no one else. We’ve just had baby number two and sometimes I wonder what we’ve let ourselves in for as we have the sleepless nights and crying all over again and out older child sleeps so well so it’s a big shock to the system. Can totally understand why some people only want one child.

[mindutopia]

Your little one is only 18 months. I think you just need to be more patient and give it some time. Mine is about to turn 5 and I'm now pregnant with #2 (I'm also 37). I was definitely not ready that soon to have another. I really did feel like I needed time with my daughter and I needed to build my career more and have adult time again for a bit before I was ready to do it again. When she was about 3.5/4, I felt ready again, but definitely not before. If your husband is happy as things are, then I would just carry on and think about it in another year or so. There really is no rush.

[RoseannaLingLing]

Thank you, here it seems everyone has their babies on after the other but I'm just not ready for sleepless nights and being a cow again!

[RoseannaLingLing]

Thank you Mindutopia your right maybe when A. is about 3-4 I will be ready. I want to be an adult again and work on my career. My husband understands, we will do it in our time. Until then I just want to enjoy my time with A. just the two of us before trying to introduce a new addition. Thank you both for your kind words, it really helps when your so far away from home & don't want to talk about this with family member as they panic & want you to move back to England!

[LinoleumBlownapart]

Single child families are becoming the norm in Brazil, I know plenty of one child families and they are more than happy, two of my best friends and a large number of my colleagues have only one child. Being a sahm in a foreign country can be very lonely, but are you sure there's no baby groups near you? If you're in a big city find out about ex-pat meet ups, there are certainly ones in Rio and São Paulo, pretty sure Belo too. They are not only made of diplomats, plenty of permanent people and foreigners in Brazilian marriages too, I am still friends with a lot of people that I met in those days when mine were little. But it's true that Brazil is easier when you're working and have school aged children.
Feel free to pm me if you ever feel like just venting, there are loads of things that people back in England might not understand. I vent to my teenagers, but they're Brazilian and don't always get it

[RoseannaLingLing]

Hi thank you for your message. I am living in Santos which is does not have many ex-pats here, but yesterday I decided I needed to make a change. I am a double bass player but since coming here music has been on the back bruner. So yesterday I went to a music school and asked about any local orchesteras to play & on Tuesday Joao the music teacher is taking me to a music school to introduce me to a double bass player here. I think the problem is more I feel like I am trapped with a young child as she is not ready for school & I don't want her in school until 3 but I need to make more adult time for me. Husband has agreeded so I think the best thing for me is to get back into music. I love being a mum but I don't want it to be my life. But I agree with you once she is in school life will get much easier. We do go to Sece 3 times a week here, as they have a play group but a lot of the times its just me & baba. Anyway things will get better but I need to make the change! Thank you so much for offering to vent! Bjs, Roseanna.

[Nicecuppatea21]

Well done, I hope you enjoy it and meet some nice people. Don't have another baby if you don't want to. Enjoy life when you can. Forget about society's expectations.

[LinoleumBlownapart]

Great, I hope you enjoy it, adult time is vital. Santos probably doesn't have a big ex-pat network true, nice though. I'm in a small city in Minas. Bjs

[RoseannaLingLing]

Thank you all ladies you have really helped me! Kiss kiss