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AIBU - to really dislike the newborn bit?

(56 Posts)
Toonewtobehaving2 Mon 13-Nov-17 02:24:28

Please don't think I mean I dislike my newborn. I don't. I already love him unconditionally. It's more I just hate this part of our lives.

My new DS is almost 4 weeks old and those weeks have been spent, not sleeping, trying to get him asleep, feeding him (constantly!) and wondering what to do with with him for the 5/10 minutes at a time he's awake and not crying. Not to mention trying to juggle looking after my Dd who is just about to turn two.

My relationship with DH is understandably strained as we are both tired and feeling new parent guilt over DS and wondering if DD is getting enough attention.

I'm still recovering from a C-sec and large hematoma that followed the surgery and DH is about to go back to work 12hr shifts in a very stressful job on little sleep.

My friend circle has closed down from being quite active with work colleagues - to just my 'Baby mum friends' (and im only seeing those that are willing to spend time with our toddlers and my colicky screamy newborn!) as I'm usually a shift worker and live quite far away from work and my colleagues, it's difficult for them to visit: plus hardly any of them have children. So I'm probably a bit more lonely than usual too.

I know I knew all this was coming and it's not like I didn't want to have two children. It's just this newborn bit is a bit boring, a bit hard and oh so tiring!

Wondered if anyone else was up for admitting they feel like this too??

Or maybe it's just me and I'm not cut out for this bit?

tiptopteepe Mon 13-Nov-17 02:30:30

Awwwww I feel for you. Im pregnant with my second and im not looking forward to this bit at all. I hated the newborn phase with my first and now im going to have it again on top of trying to look after a toddler at the same time! Just remind yourself that it does pass quicker than you think its going to.
Theres loads of pressure to love it isnt there? Everyone seems to expect you to be over the moon even with the serious injuries and the lack of sleep and a baby glued to your breast like you are a giant cow.
People say things like 'Oh enjoy it while its lasts!' and 'youll miss it when hes older!'
Well I can tell you that I certainly dont miss it. Ive loved being a mother so much more as my son has got older and more able to express himself and interact with me.

Jellybean2017 Mon 13-Nov-17 02:33:04

You're definitely not alone! There's lots of us who chat on the Still awake with a newborn thread, come and join us 😊

Toonewtobehaving2 Mon 13-Nov-17 03:01:52

Ive been laying here for the last 30 mins listening to him grunt, snore, heavy breath, whistle, cough etc..... he'll be awake again in an hour and I can't fall asleep even though I'm knackered!!
Oh tiptop- I wish I could tell you it's easier the second time around. But it's not, it's much worse!
I totally get you on enjoying them more when they can interact!

Threenme Mon 13-Nov-17 03:10:32

I'm loving it this time as I know he's my last and I'm all gooey and sentimental, but I'm very lucky to have a very good sleeper if I'm honest. I absolutely do not think you are mean!!! Various stages drive you insane as much as you love them! Newborn stage fine!! 18 months to 2 and 1/2 fills me with morbid dread! I want them to stay tiny then just be 3!! It's literally like inviting a burgler to live with you! "Please come in and smash up my home, break my possessions daily"!grin

HashtagTired Mon 13-Nov-17 03:11:11

What JB said. Join us on the newborn thread in the sleep topic. There are a few of us there chatting during the night feeds. Can help sometimes.

Cupcakegirl13 Mon 13-Nov-17 04:37:00

I hear you ! I'm sat here feeding DD3 who is 10 weeks. This time round it's much easier , but going from one to two children when I had DD2 was hell on earth for the first 6 months. It dies get easier , the guilt goes away and life takes on a new normal with you just learning to do things differently with two. But at 4 weeks in that's not much help now I appreciate that. Don't feel guilty about popping DD in front of CBeebies and having a cuppa. DS isn't really at the entertaining stage yet so pop him in his bouncer chair or on a baby mat whenever you can for five mins. Try to go out every day even for 30 mins for a stroll it does help. Easy meals like fresh pasta and a sauce that take five mins were my lifesaver. Keep going , little changes for the better if tens happen without you realising with babies brew and cake for you are a must too !

camdentown17 Mon 13-Nov-17 05:21:31

I'm glad it wasn't just me who felt this way! I couldn't admit it to anyone for fear of judgement. I hated it...the lack of sleep, the boredom, the constant crying (was reflux and ended up trying to give him gaviscon which as he was breastfed was a nightmare. I never had chance to get housework done or do my makeup. It changed in the last month (he's now 6 mths and although I still find the boredom hard to cope with is so much better). flowers

Toonewtobehaving2 Mon 13-Nov-17 05:45:37

Camdentown17 - it is boring! Bloody boring! Spending the entire day with someone that can't communicate back other than cry their head off! Such an awful noise!!
Even with my fantastic DD (feeling sentimental due to newborn guilt) it's still a tad boring. She's two atvthe end of the month and her speech is very good. So you can have a bit of a conversation with her and she understands pretty much all you say, but it still gets boring. I try to keep my days as busy as possible, seeing other Baby mums and taking her to clubs and parks. However thts much much harder now I have DS. If he's not asleep he's pretty much crying it eating!

glow1984 Mon 13-Nov-17 05:53:06

100% agree with you. I've said it to so many of my friends (not worried about being judged here lol), babies are boring. It's when they start becoming a little person that you start enjoying spending time with them.

Allhallowseve Mon 13-Nov-17 05:56:23

Yanbu its hard work ! Ds2 is now 1 though and I forgot how hard this stage is when they are walking and into everything .
Ds1 is 3 and an absolute dream.... Don't get me wrong he has his moments but it's nothing like those early days . That's what makes me think .maybe one more the fact that it does get easier.
Don't feel guilty my two have a great relationship now , wait til your ds is running around they will have fun together.

GingerHanna Mon 13-Nov-17 06:15:37

Holy crap I am glad it’s not just me. DS is 15 days old and driving me to distraction with boredom, tiredness and monotony.

He was born at 37+2 and we have had a few issues with him being so small and weak. (Birth weight was 2.8kg). So now I have to top up with expressed milk after every feed followed by a pumping session on the hospital grade pump I have hired. Joy. He is nearly able to regulate his temperature so hoping to go out with him for the first time on Friday - his due date.

But I am just so fricking tired and fed up. Hardly leaving the bedroom as lounge is cold due to no curtains - had planned to make them whilst on mat leave but he had to come early.

When does it start to change? I really hope some longer sleep stretches come soon alongside heading outdoors!

Phillipa12 Mon 13-Nov-17 06:24:50

Everybody has times when their dc are little they dont like but it dosent mean you hate your dc. I loved my 4 when they were newborn as i didnt get the tiredness thing and its not because they were good and slept its just im good at the 30 min power snooze and can sleep anywhere ( yes age 18 sat upright on a backless pub barstool in a nightclub 😂). I though absolutely hate weaning stage, from 5 months to being able to give them a sandwich, its so fucking tedious and messy and time consuming!

camdentown17 Mon 13-Nov-17 06:32:45

Toonew....i find myself visiting three different supermarkets in one day sometimes...not because I need to buy anything but just to get out of the bloody house!!

LadyGAgain Mon 13-Nov-17 06:35:06

Totally with you. Dislike the first 6 months immensely. Even more so after the first time. Gets so much better after that. Always loved my child/ren. Keep going!

Boredboredboredboredbored Mon 13-Nov-17 06:47:07

Yanbu at all they are fucking tough times! I had 15 months between my 2 dc and could have wept for the first 8 weeks. Once their sleep pattern settled it got so so much better. It does put a strain on you and your oh no doubt but remember these days are short lived.

Mumsiemummy1 Mon 13-Nov-17 06:54:00

I'm totally with you op. My dd who is now 9 months is infinitely more enjoyable now than she ever was as a newborn. my second is due at the very beginning of April (14 months apart...I know 🤪) and whilst I'm looking forward to meeting my little boy, I am dreading the hard, slow first few months. I was only saying to dh the other day that I wish I could give birth to another 9 month old.

Toonewtobehaving2 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:40:38

Well, I'd love to tell you it's not that bad but.....
I'm sure it will get better?

Rainbowandraindrops67 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:49:09

Is he actually grunting? Or just generally noisy? I only ask as newborns shouldn’t grunt! It’s a red flag for serious illness...

Anyway assuming he’s not! And back to the original question then yes of course yanbu - the newborn bit is crap and just a phase to get through!

Rainbowandraindrops67 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:51:42

Anyway take him straight to the hospital if he is....

Ttbb Mon 13-Nov-17 08:51:46

I love that bit! But I hate, absolutely hate the toddler stage. I don't hate my toddlers obviously but I am still not the happiest of people at the moment.

Rainbowandraindrops67 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:56:46

i Don’t think a 4 week old should be coughing either - combined with crying a lot I would take him straight to doctor today personally to rule out any health issues

Rainbowandraindrops67 Mon 13-Nov-17 09:00:02

Silent acid reflux can cause a cough and crying too

Mumsiemummy1 Mon 13-Nov-17 09:01:52

@rainbowandraindrops that's not necessarily true, whilst not all grunting is normal, some babies can have grunting baby syndrome which is normal. My dd grunted in her sleep ALL NIGHT LONG for 12 long weeks, then as predicted by all others who have had babies like this, it stopped all of a sudden.

A friend of mine also had a baby like this.

Rainbowandraindrops67 Mon 13-Nov-17 09:05:02

Mumsie - grunting is listed as a sign of serious illness. Sometimes it can be ok I’m sure. In my lo grunting was a sign of sepsis. The gp we saw also dismissed it as ‘normal’ resulting in a delay to her treatment - that’s why I’m keen to raise awareness it can be a sign of something more.

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