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Just need a bit of a rant(12 Posts)
Just that really.
Had a baby in the summer after a very difficult pregnancy with lots of scares ended up having a C section. Literally within 2 hours of baby being delivered my mum, dad, grandma, sister and nephew all showed up at the hospital. My DH had to leave the room as there was not enough room for everyone. I had told my mum that she and my dad could come past to see me and that was it but to my surprise everyone showed up with balloons, presents etc which was obviously lovely of them to bring gifts but I was still in my hospital gown attached to catheter and couldn't even move. I was still struggling trying to breastfeed as a new and first time mum.
My husband took the two weeks off work and then my mum had always planned to take a few weeks off following his two weeks to help me out (I had a planned c section due to complicated pregnancy). I feel like a struggled at the beginning to bond with DD as I could hardly move due to CS and I was also very emotional for a few weeks (no one tells you before hand to expect the tears lol). My sister had my mum look after her son for 3 weeks of the summer holidays and of course that fell on the weeks my mum was to be helping me. I just really feel like since my sis knew I was needing the extra help from my mum (lifting, driving etc) she wouldn't have dumped her son in my house for all this time basically ending in me having to entertain him in my house. It feels like when she found out my mum took those weeks off to help me she thought oh Well she's off anyway so she can look after him too. No one asked me if I was ok to essentially be responsible for another persons child for 3 weeks when I'm trying to get to grips with being a new first time mum as well. I also have a dog who is very boisterous when wound up which my nephew does so I always feel like I'm on eggshells having to watch out for the dog too.
Bearing in mind that when my sis gave birth she had EMCS and I took a week off work to help her round the house.
Then there is Xmas coming up, (and I know I'm about to sound pathetic when I say this) but usually we all went to my parents for Xmas day every year but the year my sister had her son she asked if we could all go to her house since she had a small baby it would be easier for them. Obviously we all went to her house as would want to make it easier for them with the new baby. Last year we all decided to go out for a change and stay over at a hotel. I was pregnant last year and said I didn't want to do it the next year again with the new baby as would have to go up to the room early whole everyone else stayed in bar and would prefer to have it at our house where we could feel comfortable with baby being in bed and we could set
Up the monitor and stay downstairs and socialise with everyone. Well my whole family decided to go go out and stay at hotel again. So me DH and new baby staying home on our own and I really thought thy would have wanted to spend her first Xmas with her so i think my feelings are just a bit hurt here.
Sorry just wanted a rant about it and I am totally prepared for people to tell me I'm being childish and selfish!
Honestly, by the sounds of things having Xmas just the three of you sounds really lovely.
Do you think I'm justified to be upset about it all or do you think I'm being over sensitive? My DH got annoyed at me for not telling them how I feel but I'm not into confrontation
I think you are justified in being a bit miffed and if you feel that strongly you should say something. If you are anything like my DD and SIL after having their first baby they were so sleep deprived Christmas due to baby being upset by change in routine that they would have been pleased to have a quiet Christmas. It may turn out to be a blessing in disguise to have a quiet one this year. Nothing prepares you for those early years of parenthood.
You need to tell them outright if you're not happy about something. They all turn up at hospital? Sorry but I can't manage more than a couple of visitors. Please arrange who is staying and who will wait outside. (No point complaining about it now.)
Do you mean your mum looked after your nephew at your house just after you've had a baby? Say sorry it's too much. Don't wait to be asked if it is ok. Say sorry it's not.
Christmas? I would be glad of the quiet one TBH. All sounds a bit fraught to me.
Wolfie- yes he was looked after at my house all day - probably spent more of his summer holidays at mine than his own house
Did end up saying not to come to help a few of the days as I just couldn't cope wth it all and was too overwhelming. But the fact is that I really did need my mums help - just didn't want to be opening my house up to other kids too
I'd also be happy to have a quiet Christmas
Yes your sister was cheeky but so was your mum assuming it was ok - i would've sent them both packing
Same for the hospital - where was your DH? He should've told them to go home and it's rude not to arrange a visit first, check all s well etc it shouldn't have been down to you!'
What's DHs family doing at Christmas
You need to start saying what you mean! No point saying I don't need help don't come. When what you actually mean is I need you to help me and not look after my nephew who I don't want here right now.
Ok you could be a bit more polite. But you can't expect people to be mind readers.
Tell them. Ask them why they did it for sis but not You? Why they thought put was ok to dump nephew. You say it was all lovely of them but it really wasn't as you had said you didn't want that.
Be assertive woman! Teach your baby not to put up with other people's white!
All said with the best of luck and congratulations. And obviously I know babies can't learn assertion lol just a further incentive.
You are all right!! I need to get a grip and tell people more how I feel!!
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