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Am I doing something wrong?(11 Posts)
My 15 week old baby won’t let me put her down. She won’t go to anyone else (will occasionally let her Dad bounce her), she won’t go on a play mat, in her Sleepyhead, In her pram, in her car seat, In a sling in the house. She barely naps and at night is only going down for an hour at a time (sometimes 2).
She may have silent reflux (one Dr thought so, one didn’t) and suffers with bad wind. She was medicated with Ranitidine when a few weeks old, but I took her off it as it didn’t make a difference and I don’t think medication is the answer here. Dr agreed. She’s also seen a cranial osteopath etc. Symptoms seem a lot better than when she was v little and she will lie down if I’m playing with her, so I don’t think she’s in pain. She had colic too and screamed for weeks but that has gone now, thank god.
Apparently you can’t spoil a baby. I’m happy to cuddle her but I feel that others think I’m spoiling her/ being some sort of neurotic mum for giving her what she wants, which is to be in my arms 24/7. I find it hard to get anything done and I’m shattered. She won’t go in a sling in the house but will go in one on a walk. It’s also unsociable because people want to hold her (relatives) and she just screams in their face.
Mums in my nct and baby classes have content babies who sleep in their prams. Am I doing something wrong? I feed (ebf) and cuddle on demand. I don’t want to consider controlled crying. I regularly try to encourage her to go down but she gets so upset v quickly and stops as soon as I pick her up.
I’m normally a laid back, confident, optimistic person. But I’m starting to think I’m doing something wrong and doubts are creeping in.
The ‘4th trimester’ has passed now. So does anyone have any tips or words of wisdom on how I can gently get her to go down a bit more?
Apologies for the long post x
Personally I think all babies are very different. Unfortunately I also had a baby who barely seemed to sleep until he was about 8 months old. When he turned 1 he became an awesome sleep monster almost overnight, so it may still come good at some point. 15 weeks is very very young still. You are not doing anything wrong but sleep deprivation is the total pits
I know you’ve said you took her off ranitidine but it does take a few days to work into their system, it’s made a huge difference to my DS and friends babies that only found comfort in mums arms previously. Have you tried putting her down with something soft that smells like you?
Just a thought but when you feed is DD coming off the breast of her own accord? Making feeds a little longer and ensuring baby is full up might make her more relaxed about not being held by you?
Thank you for your comments so far
Dd was on Ranitidine for about 5 weeks. I know some people find it amazing but we didn’t see a difference sadly. Now she’s a bit older, she still gets a bad taste in her mouth but she’s not unhappy (she was very unhappy in the beginning) as long as I’m holding her.
I’ve seen a lactation consultant and been to bf groups as I thought that milk transfer could be shite and making her grumpy. I’ve recently been told about the nipple thing, which I’ve just started implementing, thank you. Now you mention it, she’s been happier with her Dad since then!
Naps - Have you tried feeding lying down in your bed? If so, could you try to have at least one in bed nap so that you can lie and rest a bit too? I know you can think of a hundred things you could be doing but you need to recuperate as well.
My DD refused to sleep in any ‘baby’ bed products so cot, Moses basket and co-sleeper we’re out. She refused the pram until she was in the seat rather than the carrycot. She wasn’t keen on the sling inside after about 8 weeks. She has always slept in the car or with a boob in her mouth though!
With DS I decided not to fight it. I lie with him whenever possible to get as much sleep for both of us! You really can’t spoilt them. Your DD is still tiny, she’s out of the 4th trimester but her world is still very much about her needs rather than her wants. You’ll get through it though!
Some babies are just a lot more difficult than other babies. I know how hard it is to see other mums with babies that just drop off and sleep for two hours etc but you are not doing anything wrong.
And I know it's hard to believe now, but it will get easier.
If you haven't got one, get a wrap or ring sling, it will free up your hands to get on with stuff. Try and ease your baby into a bit of a routine, there are lots you can try, the EASY one is straightforward enough. I found that having a routine with feeding and sleeping helped calm my very difficult first baby.
In two months you'll be at 6 months and a lot of the gastric type problems start to clear up and you'll be weaning etc. Life will be much better, I promise.
Sounds very similar to DS2, I often felt I should apologise to people when he would cry when they held him but looking back it was just his way, he just wanted me. As long as I'd managed to brush my teeth and have a shower I was happy to hold him/feed him/cuddle him/whatever he needed. We didn't go many places when he was small as all he wanted was to be held and feed.
As he's got older, he's 2 now, he's got easier and easier. More willing to play with his dad, loves going to his grandparents, always smiley and chatty. He still likes a cuddle and a bf before bed and a small part of me misses all the time we spent snuggled up while he was little.
Thank you ladies. Such helpful comments and nice to hear your experiences. I’m very grateful x
Its very natural for a baby to be comforted by they mother holding them & for a mother to pick her child up when they crying you are doing nothing wrong,
Oc we would all love nothing more than to be able to sit all day with baby but it just isn't possible sometimes I have 3 dd's one is currently 3 months & she only started settling around 8 weeks but if something is bothering her its still me she wants nothing else will do,
My best advice is prioritise what u need to get done each day (eat,wash,bath baby,make beds,dishes) ironing & such can wait, & talk/sing to her whenever you put her down or whenever your busy doing something else, if she's tired have a soothing voice, of she's awake & alert a happy excited voice, your dd is at the age where she is fascinated by sound & fascinated by the sounds she can make, have convocations with her, say something & wait for a reply etc its reassuring to her your there, keeps her stimulated & she's learning all rolled into one while you can get done what needs to be done also don't try squeezing doing everything at once, try placing her in bouncer in bathroom while you have a bath talk to her then spend a hour with her put her in pram & take her out the kitchen while you cook, just put her down for short periods & don't always leave her until she is crying until you pick her up, hope it helps as I swear by it
Oh & as for the not sleeping, try wrapping her very carefully in one of your own dressing gowns only in the day where you can keep a eye on her in it, let her go to sleep holding her & then try putting her down, I know its not a solution long term & just tricking her into thinking shes still in your arms because your smell is all over it but hopefully in time as she gets older she will grow outta it
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