Loneliness

[feelinglost1]

I am so lonely it’s becoming impossible to deal with.

I have a 10 year old, 1.5 year Old and 13 day Old and they are they only people I see and usually talk to each day.

Separated from their dad, he comes around but makes me feel worse. He wants to be with me but it’s just not going to happen. Reasons such as me crying on the floor with afterpains and him asking if I need a doctor then just falling asleep when I say no. He doesn’t care about me, just want the perfect family. Spends the whole time on his phone when visiting the kids.

I have one good friend who has moved pretty far. She has no kids and a busy work life so I see her every couple of months. That relationship is starting to fail.

Ok relationship with mum and two sisters. Mum visits very infrequently. Two sisters haven’t even met the baby yet or been to my new place (been here 5 months)

Very close to Nan and Grandad - practically my parents but they live 100 miles away.

Breastfeeding a fussy baby also means I am trapped at home.

I just can’t cope with having no one care, no one to open up to, Just no one.

I’ll walk around with a smile but in reality all I do is cry, a lot.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this, just needed to get it out somehow.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

Oh feeling you sound like you have a lot to cope with at the moment. Could you tell your MW or HV how you feel? Are there any local Bfing Support Groups you can get to? If you can manage it, they can be good just to have a cuppa, a bit of adult vompany and maybe show off the new baby 🙂

Do you think if you called your Mum, she would come around and give you a hand?

The first few weeks with a newborn are tough, but you’ve done it before and it sounds like you are doing a great job. Congratulations on your new LO

[MessyBun247]

Poor you OP

Is there a Homestart near you?

[MessyBun247]

Also would you considering giving the baby some formula if it meant you could get out and about more? For the sake of your mental health.

[feelinglost1]

Thanks for the reply’s.

My mum isn’t one for helping, my kids don’t really know her well enough to be left alone with her, plus she would view me being in this state as weakness and call me silly.

There are some support groups around and I have a good health visitor, I just have this really stupid tendency to be fake and paint a picture of perfection to everybody.

My 20 month old has made going out pretty horrible, he just cries and moans at the moment. I’m guessing he’s picking up on my miserable vibes. And the baby just hates being in the pram and will scream after 10 minutes. All of my centres are at least a half an hour walk away and I just can’t gather up the courage to leave the house.

I know I need to speak to someone, I just don’t know how to get out the words. I feel like my life has taken over me and I can’t work out how I’m here if that makes any kind of sense.

[feelinglost1]

Giving up breastfeeding might have to be an option. I just don’t know if I can deal with failing that as well

[bcngran]

What about your grandparents? Have you been in touch with them since the baby arrived? Even though they live so far away would they, or at least your nan, be able to come and stay for a week or two? I'm a gran, and if I knew my granddaughter was in the situation you describe I'd be there in a shot. Can you talk to them on the phone at least?

[feelinglost1]

I’d love to have my Nan stay, sadly they both work. If I call her I can’t see it helping. I love her but she’s one of those people that if you have a problem she has it too but a hundred times worse.

I’m sure once the baby settles and I make it outside to baby groups I’ll feel better, it’s just getting through this part which is hard. The lack of friends and family in my life has also come as a shock, I don’t know how I didn’t see it sooner

[bcngran]

Maybe if you can manage to get out of the house at all just having a bit of an extended chat to people working in shops can help? Almost everybody likes to coo at a new baby, and even a five minute chat with a friendly and totally anonymous stranger helps to make you feel there is still an adult word out there and you are still a part of it after you have just had a baby. 'Passing the time of day' with someone might help you to feel a little bit more connected again. And they are not going to judge your standards of perfection or not! Smaller local shops are a good idea, where there's more chance there might be someone with time to have a natter... you can just talk in clichés about the weather, general stuff about babies, etc... And what about the school run? Even if your 10 year old can go on their own to or from school it might be worth trying to get up there with them morning or afternoon just for the sake of spending a little bit of time with some other adults at the school gate...

[Partyof7]

I have no answers, but I do know how you feel. I have found being a parent has brought some of the lonliest times. I have often felt, and still feel isolated and alone xx

[MessyBun247]

Please don't look at stopping breast feeding as 'failing'. You aren't failing. You will be taking a positive step to protect your mental health and in turn be a happier parent for your children. Breast feeding isn't the be all and end all.

Do talk to someone. Write down exactly what you want to say then call someone supportive (HV Etc).

It's really fucking hard

[Namechanger2015]

Your baby is still very young. This could be a sign of post-natal depression? You need to let your HV know how you are feeling.

[feelinglost1]

Could be a touch of post natal depression, although I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’m medically depressed. Maybe extended baby blues.

Moving to formula is my first step. Choking the baby with an overactive letdown and him fighting me on the breast is one thing I can change.

Hopefully after that I’ll feel more confident going out. Feeding for an hour almost every other hour today, there’s no way I could manage going out with him and the toddler. Plus the milk goes everywhere and it’s a just so much hassle.

Tomorrow I’m going to Asda. I won’t worry about how I look or the behaviour of my children. I’m going and I’m getting a latte

[feelinglost1]

Thank you for the advice, especially regarding breastfeeding. It’s not the most important thing in the world. My kids are and unhappy mum means unhappy babies.

Nice to know I’m not alone in this