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Feeling guilty

(10 Posts)
ChipShopGherkin Mon 06-Nov-17 12:36:53

Sorry if this turns into a long one..

I currently have a 5 week old baby, he's my first. As I'm on maternity leave, I spend a lot of time at home alone as my husband is working and I don't have any friends who have babies and are working/at uni ect. I'm EBF as well so I have to feed on demand. I keep the house tidy and prepare dinner in the morning (mostly slow cooker) but then spend most of the day sat on the sofa watching tv/reading with baby on my lap.

I do go out for walks with him but it's getting too cold lately and my joints play up (I have hypermobility). Since he's so young still, he spends a lot of the day asleep but when he's awake he's just sitting with me having cuddles. I can't shake the feeling that I should be doing something with him but there's not many groups suitable for a baby so young and I struggle to make small talk with other people ect.

I've also begun to feel overwhelmed with panic for no real reason when I'm out in public with him alone, like I'll feel everyone is looking at me if he begins to cry. I know I'm being ridiculous because babies cry and nobody cares but I can't stop.

I'm not even sure why I posted this. blush

Wolfiefan Mon 06-Nov-17 12:39:44

At 5 weeks old your baby won't benefit from baby groups. But it won't do you any good to just sit in the house. Wrap up and get out. Find new baby groups if you can. BF support groups?
And seek help for the anxiety and feeling of being overwhelmed.

Thiswitcheshatisnotmine Mon 06-Nov-17 12:49:03

Normal, all of it! Enjoy spending time in the house but don't forget that baby groups are also for you. Even local stay and play/playgroups etc are welcoming to tiny babies. Have a cup of tea, a chat, wonder at how the toddlers can manage to move so fast. I am hopeless at talking with people I dont know but when you have a baby it just comes naturally as you talk about your children. But really don't feel bad about days cuddling in the house. I have a dd who is nearly three and a dd who is six months and I cherish the quiet time alone with the baby as a lot of the time she is plonked in a bouncy chair while I chase after a toddler.

Thiswitcheshatisnotmine Mon 06-Nov-17 12:51:33

But keep track of the anxiety. It is to be expected to a point while you are still finding your feet but post natal anxiety is a thing so if it carries on or gets worse talk to your GP.

hollowtree Mon 06-Nov-17 12:51:51

Oh gosh! I love it! Don't feel guilty... we spend all day hiding in the house in our pyjamas! If your house is clean with dinner on the table every night then you're winning... only go out if you actually want to! Not because you feel as though you should.

We never get this time back so cuddle away!

lornathewizzard Mon 06-Nov-17 12:52:03

Exactly what Wolfie said.

Baby’s of this age need food, sleep and love. Nothing more complicated unless there are health issues.

Get yourself out and about every few days. It’ll help you feel better

ChipShopGherkin Mon 06-Nov-17 12:54:34

I do go to a BF support group once a week so that's something I suppose.

I've got my 6 week postnatal check in a week so will mention the anxiety then.

Wolfiefan Mon 06-Nov-17 13:00:40

Do what you feel you can. It's very early days. You are still physically recovering and mentally adjusting. That's fine. But yes do mention it.
I used to find excuses to go to the nearest shop! Just to get out of the house. Built my confidence and lifted my mood.

corrianderisthedevil Mon 06-Nov-17 13:30:18

Don't ever feel that all these new feelings are abnormal, because they aren't. I can guarantee you that women up and down the country with 5 week old babies will have had thoughts like yours. I know I did when I had my first. Don't put any pressure on yourself to do anything. Take each day as it comes and do whatever you like. If that means snuggling on the sofa all day then so be it. Youre still establishing breastfeeding and doing that in public is tough for the first time so just sit and do it at home and plan any visits around that.

I used to just go on little trips to the shops if I needed to get out and about. Somewhere with good baby changing/feeding facilities and somewhere reasonably close to home should I need to get back in a hurry. You'll feel up to baby groups at some point so don't worry about that right now.

I've just had my third, and believe me - I would love nothing more than to sit and cuddle my baby all day. Sadly, I have to do the school run, play groups and nursery runs so the new baby just has to tag along everywhere. Enjoy these precious days as you will look back on them one day and smile at how lovely they were.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 06-Nov-17 13:36:44

Sounds just right to me OP, apart from the anxiety. Please don’t worry about what you ‘should’ be doing - sitting cuddling and feeding are just what baby wants! As PP said get out and about when you feel able, even just for a quick walk around the block.

@wolfiefan whenever I see your username on a thread you have said something compassionate, gentle, sensible and generally lovely. Just thought I’d mention it as it really strikes me!

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