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Does anyone feel like they made a mistake having children?

(9 Posts)
Dancer123456 Sun 05-Nov-17 19:42:46

I have three kids, all under the age of 6.

I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew. My husband works long hours and so I take on the majority of the childcare/stuff around the house, although he does his fair share at the weekends/evenings when he is home.

I work part time, but I am feeling resentful and would rather work full time. This is even though I know that one of us being at home part of the time is important for the kids, and is whats best for them.

I feel like I didn't really understand what I was getting into and that I'm not the right personality to cope with three children and all that parenting entails.

It's causing arguments with my husband because I'm not really coping and just want to go back to work (I'm on maternity).

We have help in terms of school/pre-school and a nanny who we have kept on in preparation for my return to work. So it's not like I don't get a break from some of the kids every day.

Have I made a mistake becoming a parent? I feel like I shouldn't have, and that my kids are going to suffer because I feel the way I do.

Catalufa Sun 05-Nov-17 22:24:55

Three kids under six is HARD and I’m not surprised you’re finding it tough. Things should be much easier for you in a couple of years.

If you want to work full time, and have a good nanny, I’d say go for it!

Chosenbyyou Mon 06-Nov-17 09:25:45

How old is your youngest?

I feel very similar to you on much of what you said. I have two children - just 3 and almost 7 months. Finding it really hard.

Husband a doctor - not here much, works lots of long shifts and nights.

Can't go back to work yet as youngest isn't sleeping so got to wait it out!

Feel like I'm not a very good parent, wife, friend or employee!

Hope it gets better as pp said, need some life back xx

Metalhead Mon 06-Nov-17 09:54:19

I also work part time, and right now going back to full time seems very appealing as my youngest is hitting the terrible twos early!

Things will get easier once they’re at school, but I totally understand how you’re feeling, sometimes I too think I can’t cope with all the responsibility of parenting anymore.

uhoh2016 Mon 06-Nov-17 11:41:22

In my own experience it was the arrival of dc3 that also made me feel the same . Everything is so much harder with 3 . I love him to bits and wouldn't be without him but if I knew then what I know now id of stuck at 2 dc. I'm also counting down the days until he's at full time school so I can increase my hours at work. Unfortunately the costs of childcare for 3 children far out way any extra money I'd get being full time now.

RNBrie Mon 06-Nov-17 11:47:40

I have three under 6 and it's hard. Youngest is 16 months now and it's getting better.

I work part time (3 days) and it's good to be working but I feel very stressed about what I'm missing when I'm not there. Its not ideal.

My dh would support me if I wanted to go back full time (we'd have more money, I earn more than childcare costs - just).

If you can make it work and it's what you really want then go back to work. Honestly, do what makes sense for your family (all of the family, you included!!) not what people tell you is "best".

Dancer123456 Mon 06-Nov-17 12:17:42

It’s good to know it gets a bit easier the older they get.

DC3 is 8 months now. DC2 goes to school next year so I’m hoping that takes some pressure off.

I know going back to work when my maternity finishes will help, but I feel guilty wishing the next few months away!

Oly5 Mon 06-Nov-17 12:23:52

I’m about to have three under 6.. terrified and excited! Why not go back full time if you want to? I will be

mindutopia Mon 06-Nov-17 14:14:28

Definitely go back to work if it makes you happier. I only have one (#2 on the way) who is school age now and though I love her, I could not have been home with her most of the time and still maintained my sanity until then. I was home for maternity and then part-time until she was 2.5, but after that I was back full time. I also have a dh who is very hands on, works flexible hours, shares the school runs, is home to see us off to school and home to help with housework and dinner most afternoons, does bathtime every night, makes it easy for me to have a weekend away or an evening off, etc. And I still would have been pretty batty if I hadn't gone back to work. I love my daughter, but working re-charges me so I'm a better parent for her when I am home. My own mum went back to work when I was 3 months old (out of financial necessity) and it did me no harm, in fact, I think it was really good for me and for our family life. If you have a nanny, I would make the most of what time you have left on mat leave, plan in periods of time each week when you get a break for yourself and some head space, and ease back in to work when you're ready. Being a SAHP isn't for everyone and some people are just happier having a full professional life and there's nothing wrong with that.

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