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Over reaction or Out of order ?

(38 Posts)
MiaD13 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:42:15

I need help gauging something that happened recently as I've no idea how to handle it

I'm a 20 year old new mum to a beautiful 2 month old boy who I love to bits. Me and my boyfriend are a strong unit with lots of support. I have unfortunately had a lot of mental health issues since having my little boy and as I care for him 24/7 my mum or DPs Dad sometimes offer to take him once a week maximum.

This week my stepmother made a comment (my son was away because we are moving house so I was getting time to pack etc without having to worry about him)
that my son is never effing home. It was very out of the blue and caught me off guard - she then went into a full blown rant about how
"You wanted him he should be with you" and how
"I'm not going to bond with him"

She told me she managed fine (she was 36 when she had her first) and that I need to sort myself out because it's ridiculous how much he gets "shipped about"

I also am away for a weekend in January when my boy will be 5months and she also referred to this

I burst into tears and haven't spoke to her since. I feel horrible and just don't know if she's right or if I should just never let my son away with other people sad
Just don't want to be a bad mum - help?

Haggisfish Sat 04-Nov-17 10:43:55

She's a twat.

hesterton Sat 04-Nov-17 10:46:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiaD13 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:46:41

Thanks haggisfish
Just been playing on my mind and dunno how to approach it as her and my dad now want to "have a chat" with me and DP about how we parent him

Slartybartfast Sat 04-Nov-17 10:48:33

why does your dad want to have a Chat? this is on her instigation probably?
they should be supportive not judgmental

MiaD13 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:48:43


That's what my boyfriend is saying to it as well

MiaD13 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:49:18


Because they are "concerned" apparently

Slartybartfast Sat 04-Nov-17 10:49:27

he is only 2 months? it is early days.

Catalufa Sat 04-Nov-17 10:50:01

She sounds like the kind of person who thinks she’s right about everything. She doesn’t like your parenting methods (which sound absolutely fine, by the way) because they are different from hers.

Say no to the chat. Keep saying ‘I’m happy with my parenting methods thanks’. Could you maybe talk to your dad and say you’re managing fine and don’t want the chat?

Slartybartfast Sat 04-Nov-17 10:50:21

if your mum wants to have him once a week it is good for all concerned.

MiaD13 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:52:08

My boyfriend wants to talk to them because he wants to explain why we are doing why we are doing
My biological mum (as opposed to my step mum) doesn't think we should explain ourselves at all

My brains scrambled as it is and this has honestly made me feel 10 times worse

weebarra Sat 04-Nov-17 10:52:43

She is a twat. My DD was “shipped about” because I was diagnosed with cancer when she was 2 months old. She is now 4 and we have a very strong bond.
Don’t worry about it.

Slartybartfast Sat 04-Nov-17 10:53:57

are you getting help with your mental health issues?

Justbookedasummmerholiday Sat 04-Nov-17 10:54:53

Please don't explain anything to them.How you parent your ds is your business.
Sounds like you have everything under control. flowers

MiaD13 Sat 04-Nov-17 10:55:13

Wee Barra
Thank you that's reassuring and I hope your health has improved biscuit


Yeah I'm speaking to a mental health person smile

LuckyinOctober Sat 04-Nov-17 10:56:24

It’s a strength to know when you need suppport and accept it on your own terms, your mum helping out sounds like it works for you. You also have a right to say what support you don’t find helpful and the ‘chat’ sounds like it would undermine your confidence and be unhelpful so I’d say no too.

BexleyRae Sat 04-Nov-17 10:56:36

Don't bloody explain yourself to anyone. Your stepmother is a first class bitch and needs to keep her vile opinions to herself

whyareusernamessodifficult Sat 04-Nov-17 10:59:09

As long as you’re not asking them to look after him, it’s none of their business and you’re under no obligation to explain yourself to them.

You’re doing great and the only way going to stay at his grandparents once a week is going to affect him as that he’ll have a close bond with them as well as you and your dp.

Hooplaaaa Sat 04-Nov-17 11:01:05

Don't bloody explain yourself to anyone. Your stepmother is a first class bitch and needs to keep her vile opinions to herself

Too bloody right! Once a week with your mum? My first born went to my mums every Friday from six weeks old and he's now 17 and we have a great bond. She's talking out of her arse and should keep her beak out.

Spadequeen Sat 04-Nov-17 11:02:13

You do not need to explain yourself to them. They are treating you like a child and I can’t see how they are helping your mental health.

Ipitythescale Sat 04-Nov-17 11:04:16

You do not have to explain your parenting decisions to anyone. As long as everyone involved is happy with the arrangements then it’s no one else’s business. For what it’s worth my sister in law often looked after my dd and so did my mother in law from each on. (My own parents have passed away but they would have wanted to do this too). My little girl and I are very close but she also has a wonderfully close relationship with her auntie and grandparents. If your dad and stepmum don’t want to be part of that then that’s their lookout but your baby is not their baby so they don’t get a vote.

Ipitythescale Sat 04-Nov-17 11:04:46

*early on

RUthereGod Sat 04-Nov-17 11:05:24

Stepmother should keep her nose out - its nothing to do with her. Your baby - you are entitled to leave him with your mum if you want to. She's just jealous by the sounds of it. Don't explain yourself to her or your dad.

WellThisIsShit Sat 04-Nov-17 11:09:03

Well what exactly does your step mother think is going to happen regarding your mental health?!

Just like when you have a physical illness, a mental illness doesn’t just disappear, in fact it tends to get a lot worse if you ignore it and force yourself to do more than you actually can.

Is this what she wants to happen?!

Honestly, she’s not being very caring or supportive is she?

If she or your dad do keep pushing the issue, I’d limit what you say and try not to get caught up in it too much.

Your mum has the baby for one day out of 7. You and your boyfriend look after your baby 24hrs a day apart from that. You are being a good mum. Your baby is well looked after, and well bonded to his mummy and daddy. And his grandma, which can only be a positive.

You are being a good mum by looking after your mental health by the way.

MiaD13 Sat 04-Nov-17 11:11:55

Thanks everyone for your responses I feel so much better

But where do I go from here ? Me and my dad are close and I'm hurt , is this forgivable? I'm scared it will be awkward I don't know what to do knowing they think I'm doing the wrong thing ,

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