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How do I manage this the best way?

(5 Posts)
FGSholdthedoor Fri 03-Nov-17 15:41:42

I have a toddler DS and I usually visit my DM and DF once a week with him, sometimes once a fortnight.

Up to now he would spend a lot more time with my PILs as they live up the road and would have him in between mine and DHs shifts (I work PT evenings and DH FT) so on average 1-2hrs per day 5 days a week.

I think due to the fact he'd see my DM and DF less frequently he loves it when he does see them which is great however it usually poses and issue when it comes to going home.
He just refuses to go or throws little strops. He won't put his coat on or will ignore me and carry on playing. He's quite happy to wave me off if I pretend to leave.

It generally ends up with me taking the bags to the car and then DF and/or DM taking DS out once I'm ready and often there are tears involved.
Last visit was absolute chaos as my DF climbed into the drivers seat to "pretend" he was the one DS was going with, whilst my DM climbed into the back to try and placate a screaming DS as I was wrestling him into the seat I was confused.
Ha calmed down within 1 min of us setting off as I told him we are going home to see his dad and gave him his comforter.
He's generally happy to leave if we're anywhere else (apart from play-centres).

What's the best way to get him to leave happily with me?

clarabellski Fri 03-Nov-17 16:21:51

I find what works for us (my toddler is 20months) is to just leave with a clear 'we're going now say goodbye' and with a brief 'bye bye' and kiss from gran/granddad. The protracted goodbyes are always more painful.

Sure he'll cry for a minute when we drive away but then he'll calm down. I try to talk to him on the way back to explain how he's feeling like ' you enjoyed spending time with gran today didn't you? You didn't want to leave?' to give him the words to accompany his feelings.

Crying is not the enemy! Until they can talk properly it is their main way of expressing their emotions.

Bubblysqueak Fri 03-Nov-17 16:25:58

I always give a 5min warning and set a timer on my phone. This gives dc chance to finish what they are doing and prepares them to leave. I then show them the phone as the timer is going off then we put toys away then leave. I usually pack the car while the timer is counting down.

Dc are now 5 and 4 and will ask for the timer to be used before leaving the park etc and will often be tidying up as soon as they hear the timer without me asking.

FGSholdthedoor Fri 03-Nov-17 17:22:09

Thank you for the replies.

The only problem is he will either ignore me or just say "no home" and keep saying no.
I've tried the brief 'we are going say bye' and also tried giving him warnings but usually I just get 'no no no' and he will run off or flop on the floor.

Bubblysqueak Sat 04-Nov-17 12:25:59

When that happens you scoop him up plonk him in the car and go. No attention from anyone. He will get used to it, it won't happen first time you have to be very consistent. It will take about 6 weeks of doing the same routine religiously when you leave each place before it becomes an automatic habit.

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