Parenting without punishment

[pinkliquorice]

In general mumsnet seems quite punishment happy and this approach seems to be heavily criticised.
Just wanted to start a thread for other parents to share their tips and experiences with not punishing.

Anyone else against punishments?
Anyone wanting to try it?

[2014newme]

😂😂😂 we don't punish but there are consequences for actions

[pinkliquorice]

@2014newme
Lots of people on mumsnet do punish though?
My children have natural consequences for their actions too.

[2014newme]

Mine have access to technology removed

[Soubriquet]

Natural consequences are punishments

[pinkliquorice]

@2014newme

For doing what?
That is technically a punishment not a natural consequence for most bad behaviour.

[InDubiousBattle]

Can you define 'punishment' please.

[2014newme]

For example, if one pinched the other (twins) after being warned to stop.

[2014newme]

Then the pincher would not have access to screen time fir the rest if the day

[pinkliquorice]

@Soubriquet

Maybe sometimes a natural consequence can be seen as a punishment. What I mean is I do not punish my DC, I don’t hand out un natural consequences such as naughty step, confiscations, chores, being grounded or being shouted at.

[Passthecake30]

Mine have privileges taken away, mainly their IPads. Is that a punishment?

[LiquoricePickle]

A natural consequence would be removing the child to stop the other one getting hurt.

[2014newme]

So what would you do if one child hurt the other?

[LiquoricePickle]

Removing screen time would be considered an artificial punishment.

[Passthecake30]

What do you do if you dc is naughty?

[pinkliquorice]

@2014newme

Okay well that is a punishment, having technology taken away for pinching is not a natural consequence. It’s unnatural that you have imposed as a punishment

[2014newme]

What's a natural punishment then and why us it better as act removal of screen time works very well and

[EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck]

DS2 panics if I remind him of what the natural consequence will be, and his behaviour gets worse because he's panicking.

[pinkliquorice]

You can do what you want, punishment might work for you. I made this thread for people punishments don’t work for.

By punishments I mean unnatural consequences such as naughty step or being grounded or having items confiscated or events cancelled.

[Twofishfingers]

Pink, may I ask how old your children are?

[2014newme]

Are there any examples of natural consequences I see none on this thread
🤔 in our house the natural consequence of being mean to your sister us no WiFi

[pinkliquorice]

@Twofishfingers

3,4,7,9 and 22

[2014newme]

How us no food or drink upstairs different to no WiFi

[EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck]

Having an event cancelled can be a natural consequence. "If you're having tantrums, I can't take you out because I can't control you and you might get hurt."

[TittyGolightly]

Have never needed to punish DD (7). I don’t expect her to be compliant with everything, we focus on intrinsic motivation over extrinsic (ie pleasing me). Natural consequences are enough.

Eg if she messes around at meal times and takes an hour to eat she runs out of time to have pudding. Messing around at bedtime might mean she runs out of time to read. Not getting dressed in the morning on time means she’ll be late for breakfast club and won’t have a choice of breakfast. Not tidying her playroom means things might get broken if stood on, lost or hoovered up.

She’s not cheeky or rude.