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Sahm full time working dads

(19 Posts)
user1474320794 Thu 02-Nov-17 12:56:51

Just wondering how much you all do for your partners at home as in cooking, cleaning, making drinks, doing things for kids etc. Have this issue, think I always will just curious as in what is the 'normal' if there is a normal

2014newme Thu 02-Nov-17 12:59:33

?

mammyoftwo Thu 02-Nov-17 13:03:19

placemarking, will respond later when I get a chance

InDubiousBattle Thu 02-Nov-17 13:06:54

I'm a SAHM with 2 and 3 years old dc, dp works ft. I do all cooking (except his lunch), cleaning, washing, ironing, meal planning, shopping, finances and 'life admin' (not completely sure what this is but I see it in mn all of the time! If insurance needs renewing I do it). I don't make him drinks and he doesn't make me any. He gets up with the dc 5-6 days a week, although they aren't up at the cracks of dawn anymore (but he did it when they were too)so leaves me to have a bit of a lie in and get myself showered etc. When he's at home we are 50:50 parents, so one might get them dressed whilst the other gets a change bag ready. We do bath and bedtime together. I go out in the evening more frequently than him.

user1474320794 Thu 02-Nov-17 13:16:02

Yeah I think the cooking, cleaning, shopping jobs etc just goings without saying I would never expect partner to come home and cook tea for us all. But I find it highly amusing ( and also absolutely ridiculous ) how if I don't get up before he's goes to work and make him a cup of tea and/or his packed lunch he'll just go without! Won't make a cup of tea neither make some sandwiches!!!

lovelyjubilly Thu 02-Nov-17 13:25:20

I make him a cup of tea in the morning and do all cooking, laundry and cleaning. I also sort out all of the kid stuff (school things, medical appointments, party invites, extra-curricular stuff)
He does his own breakfast and lunch, often empties the dishwasher if he has time in the morning and always clears up after dinner. He also does all of our finances and house admin.

Cavender Thu 02-Nov-17 13:27:16

I’m not sure I’d personally find that amusing user. I find very little attractive about useless men.

I usually work full time but am currently a SAHM while we are living in the USA.

I do pretty much all the housework, laundry and cooking, but DH will happily Iron, put out bins, clean the kitchen, clean the floors, make a meal etc etc if it needs doing.

He certainly makes his own breakfast, drinks and lunches.

When I’m working we try to divide things 50:50.

InDubiousBattle Thu 02-Nov-17 13:52:49

Well, if he goes without then he goes without! I wouldn't make a point of making him sandwiches lest the poor mite go hungry. If dp wants sandwiches at lunch then he makes them, if he doesn't make the hem the he has the hem sort himself out with something else.

Ecureuil Thu 02-Nov-17 13:57:14

I’m a SAHM to be 3 and 2 year old, DH works full time.
If he’s here (sometimes works away), DH does the majority of the cooking. He also tends to make pre schoolers packed lunch in the morning. He stacks/unloads the dishwasher if he notices it needs doing, same with putting a load of washing on etc.
If he works from home he sorts his own lunch (and usually mine too).
I do the cleaning/hoovering/ironing/the majority of the washing. He does the bins/recycling. I walk the dog.
He doesn’t drink hot drinks but he would never expect me to make him a drink... he sorts himself out.

isittheholidaysyet Thu 02-Nov-17 14:18:15

I'm a sahm. Dh works full time, but he works based at home with lots of meetings, events outside the home with some flexibility in arranging his own timetable.
We home ed one child, rest in school.
Generally I do most of the home ed, he does one subject.

We get the kids ready in the morning together and I do school run, whist he gets himself showered/ready.

We get our own lunches, I mainly shop and cook evening and weekend meals.
I do laundry, (and ensuring children have enough clothes/shoes etc)
He does dishwasher and bins.

I usually do school runs, and school admin.
He does all financial and house paperwork.
Lots of things are shared ironing, tidying, cleaning, gardening etc.
I do bedtime because he's usually working, but he does it on the occasions he's here.

DH does a lot of bits of work in between other things, so he may drop child at scouts, go on to a meeting and pick child up on his way home, for instance.
We arrange a lot between us, 'if I get the kids from school and meet you at the leisure centre, you can take child 1 and 2 to swimming lessons, I'll drop 3 at his party, and take 4 to the supermarket, can you start dinner and I'll take over when I het back?'
It's all about working as a family team.

user1474320794 Thu 02-Nov-17 14:34:20

This morning he had a strop on because he woke up late for work and obviously this was my fault because it's my job to get him up and ready for work! What a joke...

InDubiousBattle Thu 02-Nov-17 14:50:07

That would be unacceptable to me. Stropping about because you didn't get him ready for work? He sounds like a spoilt child.

Ecureuil Thu 02-Nov-17 15:21:58

He wouldn’t last long in my house. I have never once got my husband up. I assume yours is an actual adult?

user1474320794 Thu 02-Nov-17 15:49:22

Yes a adult, A 28 year old man

MrsBonato Thu 02-Nov-17 15:50:39

DH works all over the country during the week and we rarely see him until Friday evening, so I do everything at home during the week.

He cooks Saturday and Sunday, does his own washing (entirely his choice, even did it when he was living with his parents) and he will clean up ds's toys and general mess on the days he's home.

His brother on the other hand works long hours and literally does everything in their house except the washing. Even when he gets in at 8pm he's expected to cook.

DesignedForLife Thu 02-Nov-17 15:51:38

He needs to pull up His pants.

I'm SAHM to two pre school age kids and DH works outside the home full time. I do 80% of cooking, cleaning and shopping, DH does nearly all the ironing, 50-50 laundry, and 50-50 childcare when he's home. It's shared responsibilities but I do more of some stuff as I'm here more.

mindutopia Thu 02-Nov-17 19:36:20

I'm not currently a sahm, but I have been at home for periods in the past. When I was, we didn't really do a whole lot differently than how we do it when we're both working full time, except I do the childcare during the day, do lunch, sometimes started dinner, got some basic household tasks done (like putting the washing on) and did the food shopping. It's not a whole lot different from what either of us does now if we work from home during the day (we both ocassionally work out of our home office). We'd still put the washing on or do the online grocery order for later in the week even if 'working.'

Not my job to wake anyone, make anyone a drink, or put in 16 hour days while my husband does only 8. So during the day it was mostly childcare things and running errands. In the morning before work and after, it's 50/50. I still do the cooking (though he does sometimes, mostly I do it because I like it) but he does the washing up. He does bathtime and I do bedtime. I do the washing and he folds and puts clothes away. We both clean and tidy up. He does more with our dd when he's home because he doesn't see her all day. If we're both home, no one is lying around in bed or sitting down watching tv if there is stuff to do.

skankingpiglet Thu 02-Nov-17 20:06:12

Currently SAHM with a 1 and 3yo.

DH makes his breakfast and lunch, plus will put on extra toast if we are ready for breakfast at the same time (rare). I do the rest of the cooking.
He does 80% of the washing up and dishwasher loading/unloading.

I do all the washing but he irons as it's only his stuff that needs it.

We have a cleaner who does a couple of hours a week, but the rest of the cleaning is around 75% me.
We both tidy the house each night of debris from the DCs.

DIY is all me, but I'm a carpenter so that's unsurprising! Gardening is 50:50.

I manage all the household admin and do most of it, but will allocate some jobs over to him such as sorting out the 3yo's funded hours. So I remember it needs doing, he does the logging on and form filling. The admin part seems massive and I can struggle with it without some help with implementation.

When DH is home he is 50:50 on the childcare. We take a child each for the night wakings.

It seems to work ok as I don't think either of us is hugely more tired than the other and we both sit down at a similar time each evening.

Scotinoz Thu 02-Nov-17 20:57:04

I'm a SAHM with 2 preschool age children and a husband who works full time.

My husband generally baths the kids and gets them to into bed, gets up with kids 50% of the time if they're up during the night, does the majority of house renovation stuff, collects take aways, irons his shirts, pours gins and does 40% of weekend parenting.

I do everything else including making his lunch 🙄

When I go back to work will be interesting...

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