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Advice please – concern on the misbehaved boy in DS’s reception year class(7 Posts)
DS just started reception year. He seems happy most of the time but would not want to say much about his day in the school to us. He’s a very active boy, funny and lively, but probably less socially mature and not aware if some kids are mean or to be stayed away from.
So there’s this other boy in his class who’s already got a small reputation for misbehaving. He had kicked the other little boy quite badly earlier on last term. I was told by DS’s best friend’s mum that the same boy has said very mean things to DS. But when questioned, DS seems almost defending that boy denying it. But this morning, DS told DH that the same boy “got angry” at him yesterday and he told the teacher and “it happened before” and “he has had told the teacher last time too”. But he would not want to reveal what exactly happened. That reminded me two days ago, he casually told me that boy had led a group of other boys chasing him, but he made it down to “they were just playing” and he “had fun”. I wonder if that chase was truly playful or actually threatening.
The worry is also compounded with his behaviour during half term. As he stayed with the childminder during the holiday all week, he had hit/hurt the other little 3 years old boy (they used to be good buddies) two days in a row. The childminder thought that’s really out of his character.
DH asks me to talk with the teacher. I know I should. But honestly, things like this makes me nervous, as I don’t know which approach I shall take, how much I shall say and what the end goal I shall set… Don’t want to make it a big deal, but truly worries us that DS just can’t handle it with his maturity. Plus in school these days, the teachers tend to dismiss any non-major complaints as they don’t have the resource/just care very little?
Begin the conversation by saying "Can I ask how DS is getting on socially? Is he playing well with the others?"
If the teacher has any concerns, she may say so then.
However it does sound as if you're worrying about nothing. Your DS hasn't said much to bother about at all.
Children of his age often play up or act out of character at this age due to the changes and pressures of school.
If he comes home crying or worried about anything, then you should be concerned.
All ds has told you is that this boy 'got angry' twice. Everything else is hearsay. Your ds may be tired after a first half term at school or have seen other children behaving badly.
I wouldn't say anything yet unless your ds is actually complaining to you.
Talk to the teacher then let the school deal with it, you never really know what's going on and it's easy for a child to be labelled as misbehaving. If this child is a bit disruptive you can be assured that the TA and teacher are already on it and he'll be on a programme of some sort - sticker rewards and/or losing playtime etc. - they will also get the school mentor involved if necessary and will have a 'den' or other time out area for small grp work or cooling down for a disruptive kid.
They are so little it can be tricky to know when it's play and when it's something more so let the adults who see them together work it out.
And as for your child's out of character behaviour, he's likely to be very tired from school which will make him less patient with other kids, and maybe emotionally tired and a bit overwhelmed by it all. You really can't go blaming his behaviour on another child. Talk to him about not hitting etc. I'd be really surprised if this one kid with the 'reputation' is the only boisterous one in the class or the year - they're be a whole load of them.
Thanks to you all... I know down to evidence, we nearly have nothing and sort of thought it's too early to judge. But DH has pushed me quite hard just now to address with the teacher. I myself only not sure if the teacher would take disciplining so many kids seriously.
Thanks for the advice and insights shared. I will tune it down while I talk with the teacher (will still have to ask, as DH was really pushy!).
Why can't DH ask if he's the one bothered?
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