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Not sure what I did wrong. Can you help?

(13 Posts)
fitbit Mon 30-Oct-17 11:55:47

last night I was laid in bed looking at facebook when a message appeared in my newsfeed to say “If anyone knows where XXXX is can you please let me know by PM”
This person is my daughter’s boyfriend so understandably I got up to ask her if she knew where he was.
At seeing her she was crying and in a state on the phone to her boyfriend asking him where he was. I could hear him saying I’m fine but I’m not telling you.
After she hung up – she received a message from his family saying she did know where he was and that she would no longer be welcome at their house for lying.
At this stage she broke down in tears – she is 16 by the way and the person sending this is 18!
I told her to phone her boyfriend’s mum so she could confirm she had spoken to him but he wouldn’t tell her where he was as she knew he would tell them.
On doing this she also was accused of knowing where he was. By this point she was heartbroken. The family she has been a part of for 2 years are accusing her of lying to them.
My other half took the phone and said they were being out of order accusing her and understandably we were all up and now worried/looking for him.

The next thing baffled us. She put the phone down and proceeded to block us from messaging them and defriending on facebook (not sure why as things like that seem silly to me!)

Anyhow, as my partner was now up he phoned the boy to speak to him and find out where he was. It was nearly midnight and freezing last night. Eventually he told him where he was so my partner went to pick him up whilst I messaged his dad to say we had managed to get the boy to tell us where he was and if it would make it easier he could stay on our sofa tonight and sort out with them tomorrow – or they were welcome to come and get him once he got to ours.

From that I received a message back to say we were out of order and we had no idea what he had done to them.
I said - no I don’t have a clue but we were reacting to his mums message that you were out looking for him so presumed you would want him to be safe and know where he is.
If the shoe was on the other foot I would like to know my daughter was safe and at least being looked out for. However, both myself and my partner have received a barrage of insults and nasty comments back calling us all liars and interfering!

I understand they are upset but I don’t think we have done anything wrong.
Please can you advise on what you would have done? Do you think we interfered or were just doing what I would hope someone would do if my child had run away.

The messages this morning are now telling us we should have left him where he was if he was stupid enough to sleep out in the cold.

WipsGlitter Mon 30-Oct-17 11:58:00

They sound like asshats. I’d avoid future contact with them.

Santawontbelong Mon 30-Oct-17 12:00:00

Sounds like they are somewhat envious you have a better relationship with your own dc and indeed theirs than they have. Stupid people should be pleased their ds is safe ..
Bet he won't be spending much time at home from now on.

BenLui Mon 30-Oct-17 12:01:00

I would have done just as you did.

Clearly there’s been some major upset, but the boy’s safety is paramount.

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 30-Oct-17 12:01:29

They sound like an absolute pathetic childish nightmare, blocking you on Facebook? Ffs. You did the right thing.

Seeline Mon 30-Oct-17 12:03:40

Clearly you didn't know what had started it all off in the first place BUT a 16 yo shouldn't be out on the street, and if he felt comfortable telling you where he was and was happy to stay with you, at midnight that is the only thing that should matter. I would have done the same as you.

fitbit Mon 30-Oct-17 12:03:55

Thank you all - I have no animosity to them. I get that the boy has clearly upset them in some way. I just couldn't work out if I had done something inappropriate.
I am a very sensitive person and I must say it has really shook me that trying to do something which I thought would be the right thing has turned into a bit of a nightmare!

Shakey15000 Mon 30-Oct-17 12:16:27

I’d have done the same as you. Don’t doubt yourself. Hopefully it will all calm down

fitbit Mon 30-Oct-17 13:11:52

Thanks for that - unfortunately as its my daughters BF parents its a little difficult to do. they have been together 2 years so odd bday/drinks means we speak.

fitbit Tue 31-Oct-17 12:01:54

So - following on from yesterday.
We got they were upset and angry so left it to calm down but now my 16 year old has now been blocked by the full family and the children have been told by their parents (yes parents) that they cannot speak to her.

OMG - my DC is so gutted that they are treating her like this! She has actually done nothing wrong. She has been part of their family for 2 years now.
She has come out in a rash (which she gets when she is stressed)

I hate confrontation and have no idea why they would behave like that.

How sad :-(

Santawontbelong Tue 31-Oct-17 12:07:08

Be glad she found out exactly what they are like at 16 and not married with dc. ...

Shakey15000 Tue 31-Oct-17 12:10:44

Indeed, she’s probably had a timely, lucky escape. Though, obviously she won’t see it right now.

fitbit Tue 31-Oct-17 12:20:29

she is still with her BF and I would not interfere with that. He is just ignoring his parents request. I don't think he is any way fault free but I said that's not for us to interfere in.
At 16 she is learning relationships are hard but wish it didn't have to be made harder for them.

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