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Finding the 9 month old stage harder than anything that's been before. Am I just crap?

(16 Posts)
singingpinkmonkey Sun 29-Oct-17 09:41:30

I always knew that having a baby would be hard but now my son is 9 months old, I'm really struggling.

I don't think I'm a maternal person and although I do love my son, I don't think our bond has come naturally.

I've gone back to work and my son has been going to nursery. Since he started 3 weeks ago he has been ill constantly.

Both myself and DH have also contracted illnesses from him and this weekend has been horrendous. I'm struggling to see how it's going to get any better and just feel sad all the time.

His sleep is all over the place and although I try and get him.into a routine, no two days are the same. I'm just really struggling

Has anyone else experienced a difficult phase at the 9 month mark?

Babydreaming Sun 29-Oct-17 09:59:16

Eeeeek we’ve just arranged for a pub lunch with some quite boozy friends...think I might have to retest today with a FRER?

Babydreaming Sun 29-Oct-17 10:00:46

Sorry I posted that on wrong thread! Have reported it x

2014newme Sun 29-Oct-17 10:05:00

Illness always makes things harder it will e more manageable when you're all well.

bairnsangs Sun 29-Oct-17 10:05:42

I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a hard time and feeling a bit hopeless and stuck. Please remember that one thing we are guaranteed in life (and in parenting) is change. This is a phase and it will pass.

The starting nursery stage is really hard, this will be a tough winter for bugs and colds BUT you're immune system will be stronger for it and it will pass.

Try to get any respite you can and try to think positive, even if only to take a breath and remember you're not alone, you're not a bad mum and your baby will be fine. Best of luck ❤️

Prusik Sun 29-Oct-17 10:13:34

Need to respond to you later!! Sorry to dash xx

hlr1987 Sun 29-Oct-17 10:20:39

I went back at a year but was really down for 2 months after, we were all ill over and over and over (work/nursery germs) and it was really hard to juggle everything when all I wanted to do was cry that I couldn't nap after a rubbish night. It gets better, but it's rough! I wouldn't assume it was a 9 months thing, more life changes plus hormones all over the place. You really need a partner who gets immediately that you need more help or it becomes a struggle to keep everything going, and it's natural to feel some resentment/ panic/ depression.

OfDragonsDeep Sun 29-Oct-17 10:21:23

I felt like you when my DS started nursery at 11 months, we were also all ill for a few months, I won't lie, it was awful & I felt sad all the time too.

It's 6 months later now and it has got better, but I find this time of year hard, so I'm not expecting the next few months to be easy. I changed my working hours too, so I only do 3 days. At least I feel like I have a break now which helps too.

hlr1987 Sun 29-Oct-17 10:22:47

It gets better, and worse, and better, you just have to stick with it (sorry, rubbish answer but that's what I found!)

FlooOOOooomplet Sun 29-Oct-17 10:25:18

The first winter, when they’re building up their immune system and catching all the bugs at nursery, is just the pits. It’s relentless and exhausting so cut yourself some slack! Just remember he’s as miserable about being ill as you are and illness always sends sleep patterns to hell in a hand basket in this house. You’re doing great. Look after yourself brewflowers

singingpinkmonkey Sun 29-Oct-17 10:26:16

Thanks for all your replies. I know I sound pathetic but that's how I feel at the moment.

I so wanted to enjoy motherhood but just feel useless most of the time.

It's nice to read your replies though and they do make me feel better. Xx

tinymeteor Mon 30-Oct-17 13:43:38

I found 9 months a big struggle for exactly the same reasons: setting into childcare, returning to work, winter bugs, awful sleep. Plus teething, plus weaning, etc etc... it's a hell of a time.

It does get better. Don't judge your bond or your parenting based on weeks when they have a cold or a bug, that's just survival mode for everyone. Hang in there, the good times will come.

singingpinkmonkey Mon 30-Oct-17 18:45:55

Thanks @tinymeteor. It's kind if you to reply.
Deep down I know you are right. It's a difficult time and I've just got to try and stay positive.
We've all been so poorly that I think it's addled my brain.
I'm hoping for good health and some respite soon.

X

fucksakefay Mon 30-Oct-17 18:49:21

Yeah it's not a good age
Wanting to be on the move messing up their sleep
Actually being on the move
Faff of weaning
Back to work and bugs
Sleep regressions

It gets better around 3-4 IME
Crawling to talking is my least favourite age (3 kids later)

GreenTulips Mon 30-Oct-17 18:51:08

I so wanted to enjoy motherhood but just feel useless most of the time

I have 3 teens get used to it!!

I think the best thing you can do is go easy on yourself, pick you child up and take them home to play, no rushing to get tea on, sit down with a cuppa and chill, and then bath and bed, get DH to share the tea/washing up and let some things slip for a while and just enjoy his company. It gets better. Then they become teenagers.

BubbleAndSquark Mon 30-Oct-17 18:55:52

I don't particularly 'enjoy' parenting until they're around 2, it does get better!

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