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Dads who work shifts - seeing kids

(6 Posts)
Rachie1986 Wed 25-Oct-17 20:17:02

So my DH works shifts. Always days, but the days change (in a pattern, we know his shifts forever more) but it does mean he works weekends, it averages out as half.

My concern is that because of this, he doesn't see our daughter (3) much, because on the days he works he doesn't get in until she's nearly in bed, and when he's off in the week she's at nursery a lot (my working hours).

Has anyone else found this a problem? Or found a way to help? DD is getting very clingy to me, mainly because she's seeing so much more of me, and even when he's off its all of us together, he rarely has her on his own (he did used to do some days with her so that is a change).

Just worried she's getting so dependant on me and it's impacting her relationship with him.

Sorry so long!

Eeeeek2 Wed 25-Oct-17 21:42:11

Can he pick her up early from nursery or not send her when he is home? Obviously you’d still have to pay but why doesn’t he spend more time with her on his days off?

Scrumptiousbears Wed 25-Oct-17 21:48:03

We have this. My DP works 12 hr shifts. Days and nights. DCs are always in bed when he is home and he has two weekkids me off a month. Massively impacts on our 3 year old. Massively impacts on our relationship as well.

Rachie1986 Wed 25-Oct-17 21:56:48

Eeeek good idea. The reason we haven't so far is that she really struggled to settle at nursery (a year ago.. literally 2 terms) and she works best with a good routine so didn't want to upset that.. plus nursery does great stuff with her and she loves it now. But yes, it's a good idea

Rachie1986 Wed 25-Oct-17 21:58:06

scrumptious sorry to hear it's tough for you. I work part time so get to see him a bit during the week but it is tough. Useful to know it's not just us though x

mindutopia Thu 26-Oct-17 12:05:29

I think get him to do more on the days he has off. Certainly it's more important for them to have quality time together than for her to have a set routine. In the long run, she'll settle just fine at nursery, but it gives them time together to bond. Next year she'll be starting school (I assume), so the days will be shorter and then he'll regularly have afternoons with her anyway on the days he's off which makes for a nice way to get quality time together.

It's slightly different, but I worked long days (not shift work, only days) when mine was about that age. I would be away 3 days a week from before she woke up in the morning until she was literally in her pj's and getting in to bed. I did get home most days in time to read her a story and have a cuddle and put her to bed, but my dh did everything else those days. On the other days, I made sure I did everything. I got up with her, I got her dressed, we did things together, etc. So when he does have time, let him take the lead, get her up in the morning, do her bath, put her to bed, get up with her in the night, etc. It was hard sometimes, but we made it work. In the long run, it's not affected our bond at all and we're as close as ever.

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