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How is it having four? Shall we go for a fourth one?

(35 Posts)
Mum8 Wed 25-Oct-17 17:41:29

I Have three kids age 3, 5 years and a 7 month, I thought this was it for us as I’m also 39 and even gave away baby things to friends. I started feeling though like I could have a forth one too and feeling broody 😳 I had gestational diAbetes with my third one which I successfully managed with diet and my second child’s Labour was not easy although all was good in the end. Also developed diastasis recti with each pregnancy which I managed through physio and without issues afterwards
Did anyone have a fourth child? Late in age as well with about two year or small gaps between little ones. How is it? I will be 40 early next year so if I had a fourth it will not be earlier than at least 41 years... love kids and four will be more balanced but not sure about burden it can bring to the family with another pregnancy and Labour etc...

lljkk Wed 25-Oct-17 22:03:10

2 to 3 was my tough transition. 3 to 4 was ok. I was 40 when I had the baby4... but almost no problems to compare with yours in pregnancy. Past experience no guide to future... equally the next pregnancy could be a 'mare. Friend had 6 kids with only entertaining issues from each, but No.7 was tough pregnancy & turned into the most awkward kid, too.

I couldn't work with 3, never mind 4 DC, before they were all in school. Needing a bigger car is other annoying thing about it.

TheVanguardSix Wed 25-Oct-17 22:08:29

If you love the whole kiddie parade OP then go for it.
I have 3 and I would go to ends of the earth for my brood. Like every mum, I totally love my kids. But I struggle with little ones. Once they reach age 3-4, I feel I can actually breathe a bit easier and enjoy them. And I really do enjoy them to bits but I don't cope well with the first couple of years.

But clearly you've got your 3 under the age of 3 (sort of) and you're really loving it plus you're totally into having a fourth. I SO would have number 4 in your case. If you can afford it and really love the idea, go for it.

LoniceraJaponica Wed 25-Oct-17 22:21:56

Once they reach teenagerhood you will probably have to deal with:

Loads of expense
Teenage angst
Friendship and bullying issues
Relationship issues
God knows what social media
Exam stress (GCSEs x 4 and A levels x 4)

I only have one, and the primary school years were a breeze. I never want to go through the stress of GCSEs, A levels, university applications again. How parents take this in their stride multiple times is beyond me.

Plus there is the drudgery of cooking/washing/cleaning, running children to after school clubs and never getting any me time.

Why do you want another?

Mum8 Wed 25-Oct-17 22:25:32

TheVanguardSix Yes I do love kids too but feel overwhelmed sometimes since arrival of third when middle child 3 puts bus ta tantrums. Think the hardest for me is the first months when little one arrives and then once they are at least six months things brighten up. Was actually very surprised I feel broody again 😳 though 3 was my number as I also have 2 DDs and 1 DS as I always wanted so I’m wondering what’s going on with me. Today I had the nicest day with all kids too but it did help DH was off and spent day with us... Wonder how to decide if this yearning is temporary or something I should act upon ...

TheVanguardSix Wed 25-Oct-17 22:29:30

That is SO true Loni.

My eldest is a teen and no joke, it's all very expensive. There's no way of avoiding the expense of kids. It's all so cute, cuddly, and manageable when their as young as yours OP. I am a huge fan of charity shops and eBay but once they hit 7, it's not cool to buy loads of secondhand stuff. And that's the tip of the iceberg. Our kids attend state school but the lunches, the monthly contributions, the music lessons, the trips (activities week which will set you back between £300-£900 depending on where they travel)... you have 3 kids close in age. You'll take big hits financially as they get older. If you can afford it do it! But do give some thought to finances.

Mum8 Wed 25-Oct-17 22:34:25

LoniceraJaponica Reason I want more is because I love the connection I have with my other three and helping each of them in my own way and watch them learn to love each other and learn to share toys and mark their own identity. Find all 3 of my children different and cute like any mother does and the whole parenthood a miracle and a blessing to go through, mind you I have not gone through teenage years yet. When I see friends expecting esp their first, I secretly wish I had my first child again, I cherish meeting my baby, a new soul I did not meet and bringing them into the world. But if I were to do that again I want to ensure I’m OK physically, take good care of myself and not at the expense and happy childhood of my three children... how could I know that though?

TheVanguardSix Wed 25-Oct-17 22:40:28

It's funny Mum8 I always got terribly broody around the 7th month mark (before even). I think you're just full of maternal bliss! You've got 3 gorgeous little ones and it's a really magical time, undoubtedly! It gets a bit real in the teens! grin But honestly, now, at the stage I'm at, I'd love a 4th. I am so not up to it. I know my limits and age is one of them!
I really struggled with our middle DC. She's fine now but the first couple of years with DC3 we're SO tough for our middle child who just didn't want this interloper around at all. Initially it was funny but two years later, I felt incredibly drained by it all.
That being said, my friends who've had number 4 are all for it! All of them said that they felt their happiest after number 4 AND their kids felt more balanced. Maybe an even number works! grin

Because you're very positive and you really enjoy being a mum (the early years seem to really agree with you), I'd be tempted.

HipToBeSquare Wed 25-Oct-17 22:41:17

Be careful it's not just your hormones talking! I felt like I could go for dc3 up until dc2 was about 1.

Then I'd just have moments of what if..now dc2 is 2 I know I definitely don't want any more and am glad we didn't act on it.

Crumbs1 Wed 25-Oct-17 22:45:09

Adjusting from one to two was hardest step for me. Then ending up with five instead of the planned four was a bit of a shock initially. They were, luckily, very good babies so it was OK.

Santawontbelong Wed 25-Oct-17 22:46:58

4dc =4 adult hands to hold.
No middle child.
2 pairs.
No spares!!
Job done!!

Mum8 Wed 25-Oct-17 23:23:10

TheVanguardSix And HipToBeSquare that is true, it could be the hormones speaking as I started having my periods again recently ... With DS I wanted a third child and knew it from the start and nothing changed about it as time passed. Not even DH could stop me and I persuaded him that was it for us. This time after DC3, it’s a new need since this week and it all started with my mom asking “Are you sure you do not want more?” And all the maternal love and energy to have one more came flooding back, did not need much to persuade me, lol... if I did go for another one though I would not start TTC until DD2 is at least over 1 year old Or ideally 14 months... Guess I could wait it out and see if the need left me by then ...

Mum8 Wed 25-Oct-17 23:24:27

I will be 40.5 years by then and give birth at 41 which I’m not sure it’s good 🤔🙁

MargotLovedTom1 Wed 25-Oct-17 23:28:53

If you had to persuade your DH to have number three, then that would suggest he wouldn't be keen to have a fourth? I have three, that's hard enough and I simply couldn't imagine having four!

TheVanguardSix Wed 25-Oct-17 23:32:58

I was 42 when I had DC3 Mum8.
As far as the pregnancy and delivery went, it was surprisingly smooth. Because of my age and medical history, I was closely monitored and had more visits with the MW than usual. I was handled with kid gloves but fortunately, it all went very well. It was probably the easiest of my pregnancies. So you never know! Also with your own history, I imagine you'll be very closely monitored in your next pregnancy should you decide to go ahead with number 4.

misstiggywinkle21 Wed 25-Oct-17 23:43:34

4’s brilliant but bloody hard work. Biggest pro is seeing the relationship they all have with each other which is just so amazing and rewarding. They all love each other so much. At an early age, I can’t honestly say that having 3 or 4 was that much harder -1-2 was definitely the biggest jump. Downside now a little later is that they all have different interests and hobbies which we are trying to indulge the exact same way as if they were singles which is exhausting from a logistics perspective - and as a previous poster noted, it’s eye-wateringly expensive. Even without anything like private school expenses, the food and activity bill is massive, and once at a certain age, they do want certain clothes and trainers. As for the cost of holidays - uggghhh. Having said that I wouldn’t do anything differently even with hindsight.

Mum8 Wed 25-Oct-17 23:46:59

TheVanguardSix Yes I was also closely monitored with DC3 and it went well but think the MW was relieved this was my last child as I believed at the time. Helpful to hear of a good experience and that it can all go well and age is not necessarily an issue!! MargotLovedTom1 had to persuade DH even for DC1 but I know he loves them to bits and does not regret any of them, he’s a Hands-on dad too and very close with them. He always says he was not feeling that strongly about not having kids and as I was so clear I wanted them, here we are with three DC today... But yes I do need to think how much of a burden 4 are compared to 3 ...

timeisnotaline Wed 25-Oct-17 23:49:00

My mum had 6 and said the shifts to 1 & to 3 were the hardest. Not 4. As long as you are prepared to trade up cars, check bedroom numbers etc. I'd like to but I only have number 2 on the way and the moment. And I'm horrific at pregnancy.

Mum8 Wed 25-Oct-17 23:50:56

misstiggywinkle21 Do you think the love they have for each other is helped by the fact they are four and always have someone to partner with or can that work out with three too? Or does one always feel left out with three?

cheminotte Thu 26-Oct-17 08:00:55

If you've had GD once that you are at increased risk of having it a second time. It's also more likely to turn into real diabetes.

Mum8 Thu 26-Oct-17 10:51:42

Cheminotte really, just by having kids it’s more likely to turn into real one? I was borderline GD managed it through diet only. I know I need to watch out in my diet in general (pregnant or not) because GD is a sign I am at risk of diabetes. But I never heard pregnancies are the cause and can make someone with GD diabetic, is that true?

Santawontbelong Thu 26-Oct-17 11:05:08

Mum 8 I had ds at 43. Easy pregnancy and a delightful toddler now!!
He is my 11dc. .

Orangebird69 Thu 26-Oct-17 11:13:43

Cheminotte is correct. A friend of mine (totally healthy, lean, well eating county runner) developed GD in both her pregnancies and is now a 'full time' diabetic. It's a very real risk.

Mum8 Thu 26-Oct-17 11:23:58

Orangebird69 I know it is a risk but is pregnancy the cause? That is what I am wondering about... I thought the cause was genetics and diet andGD is a sign you may develop it rather than the cause of the issue

Orangebird69 Thu 26-Oct-17 11:37:18

It was the cause for my friend. She has type 1 now. She's as far from a typical candidate for type 2 as you can imagine and was never at risk of developing it before she had her 2 children. But yes, her diabetes is a direct result of GD.

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