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Offended by another parent's comment about DS

(17 Posts)
Catbell82 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:01:39

My 6 year old DS told me tonight that one of his friends (whom he has been close with since reception) doesn't play with him in the mornings anymore (when they're waiting for the school bell to ring) but instead stands & looks at DS with an 'angry look' DS supposedly asked him why & the friend said because his mum told him my DS is rude. This is bothering me a lot more than I know it should. The boys in DS class are quite boisterous anyway & I'm under no illusion that DS is an angel. He's not. But I also know that he is not the worst in the class. We've had this friend over a couple of times & both times I've been close to calling his mum to come & pick him up because his behaviour was so bad. So the thought that she could have called my DS rude has really annoyed me! And made me feel like I don't want to talk to her anymore. I know I should just brush it off & you can't believe everything a 6 year old says although I'm not sure why either of them would make it up. This is just a rant really - needed to get it off my chest!

LilyPondFrog Sun 22-Oct-17 22:04:24

Yep, I think you have to remember OP that this is a third-hand comment from a 6 yo- you don't know whether the mum actually said this.

BenLui Sun 22-Oct-17 22:04:28

Would it not be more effective to calmly ask the friend is she knows what the problem between the boys is?

Maybe your DS said something hurtful (whether intentionally or not). An apology or explanation might be all that’s required.

Raininspain66 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:04:54

I would just ask the mum about it. Why would you not? It's always better to clear the air.

Moussemoose Sun 22-Oct-17 22:05:49

Your son "isn't the worst" is that how high you set your standards? You look at the others and if someone or something is worse you feel OK.?

Her opinion is irrelevant. Does your son behave well? Should you be working to improve his behaviour?

LilyPondFrog Sun 22-Oct-17 22:06:02

Yep, I think you have to remember OP that this is a third-hand comment from a 6 yo- you don't know whether the mum actually said this.

crazyhairdontcare Sun 22-Oct-17 22:06:04

They probably didn't make it up exactly, but I would wager (what with being six and all) that there is probably a bit more to it than that. These things are rarely worth getting upset over though, there could be any imagined number of explanations for it. Don't read between the very wobbly six year old lines. If it's upsetting your son then get the kid over for a playdate so they can move on from it...who knows, maybe you will too!

dazedandconfuse Sun 22-Oct-17 22:10:51

think maybe the child's mother who said your son was rude, it could of just been a passing comment. We've all been there when our child is telling us something about absolutely anything and we just comment something without even a second thought.

It's really hard not to be angry when they've said something about your child though and one of their friends is acting differently because of it. I think it's really sad and would probably be worth bringing up with the other mother in a kind of lighthearted way (if that's possible) just mention the fact your son is sad that her son gives him a nasty glare rather than playing with him because that's actually incredibly rude of him to do

Catbell82 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:19:23

I thought about talking to the other mum but DH thinks it's too confrontational & I should just leave it. I just feel bad for DS as I know he really likes this friend. I may try inviting him over for another play date but the last time I asked, the mum said he couldn't make it & hasn't mentioned it since so now I'm a bit paranoid she just doesn't want them playing together anymore...

Raininspain66 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:20:30

Is your son rude?

Catbell82 Sun 22-Oct-17 22:28:52

No I don't think he is. His teacher has described him as 'kind but easily distracted'. He occasionally makes inconsiderate comments & we explain to him that he needs to think about how his words can make someone else feel & remind him how he feels if someone says something unkind to him. I assume this is normal at this age.

DiggyDiggyHole Sun 22-Oct-17 22:32:14

So the friend’s behaviour was bad on a play date. Perhaps the mother has decided that her child is being badly influenced by yours and doesn’t like it. Many Parents are far more irrational than 6year olds

Raininspain66 Sun 22-Oct-17 23:12:57

I wouldn't let it bother you then. Just tell your ds the boys behaviour is rude grin

tempstamos Sun 22-Oct-17 23:26:17

Had a similar situation with my 8 year old son the other day. He was telling me about his friend getting in trouble for answering the teacher back at school whilst I was doing something, I can’t remember what he had said his friend said but I just replied ‘well that was rude of him, wasn’t it’. My son went to school the next day told his friend I said he was rude, his friend went home and told his mum I had said he was rude and the next day I had a Mum confronting me in the playground over calling her son rude. Misunderstanding that can easily be sorted by adults talking to each other.

BenLui Mon 23-Oct-17 00:04:36

So it is possible that he’s been rude/inconsiderate/hurtful?

Talking to the Mum doesn’t need to be confrontational at all. It’s all about tone.

Just ask politely and calmly if she knows why the boys have fallen out? Ask explicitly if there anything you need to know about?

Is she’s not prepared to say then there’s not much you can do but it’s probably something you can apologise for and easily sort out.

Lucked Mon 23-Oct-17 00:17:16

So friend goes home and describes one playground or classroom incident in which your son played a part, perhaps he wouldn't take turns or ran away with a ball, something any child is probably guilty of at some time. Mum hears story and says " that was rude of catbellDS". Which is a true statement.

I would give it a bit longer to blow over and be forgotten.

corythatwas Mon 23-Oct-17 11:18:46

I think tempstamos and Lucked are probably spot on. Your son will have said some specific thing at some specific time, the other mum will have soothed her son by saying (quite possibly truthfully) that that was rude and in his 6yo mind that has transformed into "mummy thinks Catbellds is a rude boy". You won't get anywhere by trying to gauge how generally rude your ds is compared to other little boys: this will have been about one specific incident.

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