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Complete failure

(8 Posts)
laura6032 Sun 22-Oct-17 13:33:46

My ds just turned 4 has phases where he will not listen to a thing I say. And it gets to the point where I end up shouting, then go gets mad and hits out.
But now I am in a rut of shouting at him, every little thing, I shout, he shouts back its a nightmare, I feel like I am completely failing, and don't know how to reign it back in.
Any advice appreciated please, x

corythatwas Sun 22-Oct-17 14:08:17

Try not to make every situation into one where he has to listen and actively do something to comply. If he is playing with something he shouldn't you can just quietly take it from him, if he is refusing to get going you can take him by the hand and lead him. There will still be plenty of situations where you have to make him do something, but cutting down will help.

Then try not to react by shouting, but by lowering your voice and making it deeper. Think of a really good headmistress- that is the persona you are aiming at. Shouting sounds like you're panicking, a low voice sounds more in control.

Sometimes a little humour can deflect the situation. Again, this has the result of making it seem like you are in control and he can't shake you.

If he does lash out, catch his hand straigthaway, hold it so he can't hit again and repeat calmly and firmly "no, we do not hit".

And hang in there- this too shall pass!

laura6032 Sun 22-Oct-17 17:07:51

Thank you I know the key to this is remaining calm, I know shouting doesn't help, I'll definitely take advice on board xx

MamaDuckling Sun 22-Oct-17 17:38:49

Oh you're not a failure. You care enough to post here, and want to shout less, which is all we can do sometimes!

I shout at my nearly 4yo daily. He is stubborn, rude, disobedient etc etc. he is of course also lovely and sweet and funny. I often only think this once he's snuggled up in bed and the day is over.

I've recently made a huge effort to curb my shouting and aggressive tone with him. It helps no one, and that's my mantra when we're in the moment. Now we do naughty step, where I'll sit with home for the first minute and firmly tell him what he is there for, without shouting. Then he gets 3-8 mins depending on how naughty he has been. Followed by a chat on the step about his bad behaviour and his apology etc. it's working quite well. Even if we do it daily, it brings down the situation and gives me a few minutes of quiet breathing space to calm myself down.

Either way, you are not a failure. Parenting young kids is fucking hard, they are blimmin horrible at times and it is so SO draining. You are doing great. As I tell my 4yo, tomorrow is a new day and you can do better. Take it day by day. Xxwinecake

TropicPlunder Sun 22-Oct-17 17:54:48

I'm having a similar phase with my daughter, same age. Like somebody suggested above, I've managed to stop getting cross/shouting so often by just taking the thing away or going to get her when she doesn't listen the first couple of times. She tends to go along with this, whereas sometimes ignoring me while I get cross becomes a game for her! It is tiring though

TropicPlunder Sun 22-Oct-17 17:54:48

I'm having a similar phase with my daughter, same age. Like somebody suggested above, I've managed to stop getting cross/shouting so often by just taking the thing away or going to get her when she doesn't listen the first couple of times. She tends to go along with this, whereas sometimes ignoring me while I get cross becomes a game for her! It is tiring though

TropicPlunder Sun 22-Oct-17 17:54:49

I'm having a similar phase with my daughter, same age. Like somebody suggested above, I've managed to stop getting cross/shouting so often by just taking the thing away or going to get her when she doesn't listen the first couple of times. She tends to go along with this, whereas sometimes ignoring me while I get cross becomes a game for her! It is tiring though

laura6032 Sun 22-Oct-17 19:47:06

It's so frustrating, as a pp said you, he's such a great lovely boy most of the time, I think we've got trapped in this rut. Every little thing I overreact and shout, now he's doing the same shouting at me.
I need to try harder, be zen, lol, thanks guys xx

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