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Baby burden?(5 Posts)
So me and husband have just had our second child, a now 7 week old DS but I'm finding getting DH to help infuriating.
He helps but usually only when I ask him. I feel like he treats our children like a burden at times.
Tonight we've come to bed and it's DH's 'turn' to do the nights which involves changing nappies and maybe heating a bottle of expressed milk or waking me to BF after he's done a nappy change BUT we ended up having a huge row as he refused to sleep on the side of the bed where the cot is and told me to wake him IF DS needs his nappy changing.
My frustration is he will then moan at being woken when I'm up anyway.
I do our DS 5 nights a week minimum as DH works away Monday-Friday. Am I being unreasonable wanting him to sleep beside our son so I can get a good few hours undisturbed sleep? DS is very grizzly and grunts in his sleep which is my husbands excuse for not sleeping next to him 1 night a week.
No you're not being unreasonable, you can't continue on broken sleep without a break. It's reasonable to expect some help on a Friday and/or Saturday night.
I would try discussing it in the daytime rather than at bedtime. Talk about how you can't continue with constant broken sleep and need one or two nights a week where you get a better chance at sleeping. Which means he has to sleep on the cot side, and be responsible for the baby.
Thank you for your reply and for seeing my point.
I agree I probably should try to raise it during the day as opposed to at bed time.
I cannot imagine his response will change, he simply tells me he won't switch sides and that he's just going to move the cot to the bottom of the bed as he WILL NOT sleep next to it. I only don't want to do this as he's a VERY deep sleeper and I know he won't wake up unless he's right next to him.
Definitely chat during the day.
Other possible help-
Could he do a bedtime shift from 7-midnight (awake) and then bring baby to you letting you get a decent 4 hour sleep 8-12 ?
Could he sleep in spare room or in with other child to let you sleep better on the other side of the bed?
Could he get up with baby and child in the morning and give you long lies on Saturdays and Sundays if he just isn’t great at nighttime?
I tend to get DS2 to sleep by 8:30 in his cot and he will have a good sleep until 1 (won't settle at bedtime for OH hence me having that time) it's just after that 1am feed he gets very grizzly/noisy/windy in his sleep whilst is why OH refuses to sleep next to him but unfortunately that is then keeping me wide awake whilst OH snores behind me.
OH won't sleep in the spare room. I have gone into the spare room myself but I find I get a worse sleep as the bed isn't very comfortable/is different.
He will sometimes let me have a lay in but with a 2 year old also it gets very noisy downstairs 😂
I can feel myself getting irritable more and more due to tiredness and am starting to have zero patience with OH as he just will not give in. Given the fact he gets a nice quiet room/bed to himself Monday-Friday I'd have thought he'd be more forthcoming about sharing bedtime routine equally at the weekend.
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