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Why do people think homophobia is ok when it comes to kids?

(23 Posts)
OnlyParentsAreReal Fri 20-Oct-17 20:49:52

I constantly her things like "It's important for a child to have a father" or "they need a father in their life". They keep coming out with these statistics of "fatherless homes" making it sound as if this is a tragedy. With boys you get asked "who's going to teach them to be a man" like a mother couldn't possibly. There are politicians talking about how children who don't have fathers are becoming criminals which is entirely untrue. Some people choose to have a child on their own and sometimes two women do. We are all supposed to have equality so why is this kind of discrimination so widely accepted?

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 20-Oct-17 20:51:02

Because people are idiots and we live in a toxic patriarchy, unfortunately.

It is bollocks.

Aprildaisie Fri 20-Oct-17 20:53:00

I do agree that homophobia can be disguised under these sort of sentiments, but I also think many people do believe this to be the case and are not necessarily homophobic.

Rheged Fri 20-Oct-17 20:55:56

Unless you’re thinking of a perticular same sex couple, this kind of talk is not necessarily homophobia.

Just old fashioned misogyny.

OnlyParentsAreReal Fri 20-Oct-17 21:02:34

They might not be homophobic in themselves but it doesn't make it any less of a homophobic thing to say. No children don't need a father just 1 or more parents

Beansonapost Fri 20-Oct-17 21:08:02

The statements aren’t nice , but homophonic. As someone said old fashion misogyny.

But as someone who had no father... children do need their fathers girl/boy. I can see areas in my life where having a father in my life would have made a difference.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Fri 20-Oct-17 21:08:58

Of course it's not homophobic hmm

IfyouseeRitaMoreno Fri 20-Oct-17 21:09:07

It’s a mixture of homophobia and patriarchy feeling a bit jittery that the top man as head of the house might not be quite so necessary anymore.

Uptheduffy Fri 20-Oct-17 21:12:37

I suspect all children do want to have a (nice) father and mother. Even if they are raised by two mothers or two fathers I think they are likely to want there to be an opposite sex parent somewhere. It is generally accepted that children need positive role models from both sexes in their lives - I would accept that doesn’t need to be their biological mother or father but they still need role models.

Sarahh2014 Fri 20-Oct-17 21:14:13

Def not homophobic how ridiculous

Uptheduffy Fri 20-Oct-17 21:14:18

Actually I’m not sure who you are around who is “constantly” saying such things?

Aprildaisie Fri 20-Oct-17 21:14:27

I think they only need role models if we think being male is inherently different to being female, and in that instance, what is it that cannot be taught by an opposite sex parent?

Aprildaisie Fri 20-Oct-17 21:15:04

Oh come on Up, it is hardly a remarkable statement. I've heard it on numerous occasions.

Vitalogy Fri 20-Oct-17 21:21:15

Do you think they are just making the statistics up then?

StinkPickle Fri 20-Oct-17 21:22:49

Errr right but the statistics are pretty damning so....

Aprildaisie Fri 20-Oct-17 21:22:59

The statistics are actually not applicable to same sex couples raising a child, or, interestingly, to lone parent families where the mother has a degree.

The indication is that it is poverty rather than penises that adversely affect children's life chances.

OnlyParentsAreReal Fri 20-Oct-17 22:11:16

April Thank You! Exactly my point, people going around thinking children simply without fathers are statistically worse off when its just not the case.

CalmanOnSpeeddial Fri 20-Oct-17 22:16:03

It’s easy to hear ominous statistics about the outcomes for children from families with no fathers and ignore the fact that these are dominated by heterosexual couples where the father has fucked off, leaving the mother in dire financial straits, and not necessarily applicable to other fatherless models.

Tigger001 Sat 21-Oct-17 17:28:27

I would not say that is homophobic, as you can get single straight women who have children and feel they don't need a man.
But I think this may be a generational thing that they believe all children need a mum and dad, times have chAnged but the older generation may not keep up but I don't think it is always meant to be offensive. But everyone is entitled to their own views as long as they are held or voiced in the correct way

CatWithKittens Sun 22-Oct-17 11:29:17

I don't think this is necessarily homophobic. I feel blessed that I had both a female mother and a male father, happy together, when I was a child and suspect that many of those who had a similar experience would find it difficult to say they did not benefit from it and that it is not the ideal circumstance in which a child can be brought up. That is not to say that children cannot be brought up well by a single parent or by same sex parents but I certainly think that they will miss some of the influences and lessons which a parent of the opposite gender can offer. That continued as we got into adolescence and remains so in adulthood. I still love the different approaches to life and experiences of it that my parents bring. I cannot, to take a trivial example, see my mother going off to the pub or a cricket match with my brother and enjoying it as he and my father do - nor my father and I enjoying the girly days out which my mother and I have. I was lucky and sometimes wonder if much of the dismissal of the traditional family as a "good thing" comes from those who did not have my good fortune and cannot speak of its benefits from personal experience.

Fekko Sun 22-Oct-17 11:34:02

When I studied psychology there were plenty of studies that said that boys brought up with no father/father figure were statistically less likely to do well at at school and more likely get into trouble - but there was more to it than that, many other factors at play. I don't remember there being anything about gay couples bringing up kids but it was quite a while ago.

OnlyParentsAreReal Sun 22-Oct-17 20:26:47

I'm honestly shocked and disappointed at how many people hold these homophobic views on MN

CatWithKittens Mon 23-Oct-17 12:50:33

I do not see how it is homophobic to believe that men and women offer different things when bringing up children and that the special contribution of each should be recognised. Is it not at least equally arguable that it is misogynist to argue that women do not have something special to offer or sexist to argue that men do not?

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