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Moving away with a 15 year old

(9 Posts)
Mynameisjen Mon 16-Oct-17 14:03:24

Bear with me on this as I have not posted before...

I'm looking for some advice in respect of moving my 15 year old son from York to London, when he finishes his final year of secondary school next year.

This is the scenario... I work for a company where at the moment I work in both York and London (90% York 10% London). 2 years ago, I met someone at work (who lives in London) and for the past two years we have commuted between both- seeing each other at weekends - and would like to move to a situation where we are in the same place.

We had decided that my partner would relocate to York, however there is a possibility my job could be transferred to London anyway (most of my team are there), which would mean a significant loss of earnings as there are no opportunities to do what I am currently doing in York. My partner's job involves working with clients in London, and it would take a long time to rebuild a client base in York. It does seem more feasible at this stage to relocate down there.

My son is 15 -and as I understand is the case with a lot of children these days - he spends the majority of his time (as much as is allowed) playing computer games and talking to his friends online. He has two or three close friends and I would say they do things outside of the house maybe once a month. I have been concerned about his lack of social life for sometime, we have tried karate, scouts, after school clubs etc. He is not interested.

We relocated from Cornwall when he was 6, which was obviously a very different situation, but we have successfully moved before and he quickly made friends and settled in. I do feel like it might be good for him to move out of his comfort zone, that there would be good opportunities for him in terms of education and employment, and that he might move into a new friendship circle where they are more social and active.

We have very briefly discussed the idea of moving to London, he is adamant that he does not want to go. He has visited twice both at Christmas time and both to very busy areas. I would like to gauge the opinions of others on how best to discuss with him, and whether I should overrule his decision as his parent, or if I am being selfish by moving him when he doesn't want to go.

...One idea I had was that I could let him trial it for a year and if he really hates it he could come back.

NB I should mention that my father and brother both live in York, we would not have family in London but would visit regularly.

I'm interested to know people's thoughts! smile

DuckOffAutocorrectYouShiv Mon 16-Oct-17 14:24:36

You'd be moving after he's finished his GCSEs? What's his plan after that?

Baldly, you are the grown up and he has to go along with your decision. However, honestly, I wouldn't move myself and my child for a boyfriend. If your primary reason for moving is your job and you can hand on heart, say you'd stay in London if things didn't work out with your bf (i.e., it is a relatively 'secure' move) then it's worth looking into further. If you are moving to be with the boyf and dragging your son along for the ride, I would advise against it.

DuckOffAutocorrectYouShiv Mon 16-Oct-17 14:25:46

(I have a 15yo girl, so am trying to picture us in that position)

Mynameisjen Mon 16-Oct-17 14:41:10

Hi, thanks for your reply.

The plan post GCSEs would be college/sixth form. The reason we are now considering the move at that point is that there is a natural break in his education.

I'm pretty confident that myself and my partner will be OK, but I am realistic and realise that these things do happen. If we did decide to move and the worst happened, I wouldn't move him again. I realise that it is a big thing for him given his age, and to move him twice within a short period would be hugely unfair.

I do genuinely feel that the move would be good for him, even though from his perspective as it stands, it is the opposite.

DuckOffAutocorrectYouShiv Mon 16-Oct-17 14:46:47

What are the sixth form/FE options like where you plan to move? London varies massively in standards.

Lovemusic33 Mon 16-Oct-17 14:47:03

It's a tough one. I have a 14 year old dd and I would like to move, I have suggested it to dd several times and she gets quite upset and does not want to move. I will reconsider when she finishes gcse. I have also considered leaving her with her dad (lives near by), at the moment that's not an option but it maybe in the future.

FinallyHere Mon 16-Oct-17 14:58:34

I would be inclined to hang on and stay for him to do the years in sixth form in the area he knows (and where he knows people), on the understanding that you will be moving thereafter.

If your job moves meanwhile, that would be that, though.

Mynameisjen Mon 16-Oct-17 15:06:09

@DuckOffAutocorrectYouShiv I haven't really started looking into it yet and I'm a bit lost on how to do it to be honest! I think we will end up North and I do feel it is important he ends up somewhere suitable - he is very innocent! I probably need some guidance on the process really, as at the moment he is starting the process of moving to sixth form where he is and it all seems pretty automated.

@Lovemusic23 Its hard isn't it! If possible I would like him to stay with me, and I am convinced that if/when we do it he will realise it is a good thing

Lellikelly26 Thu 19-Oct-17 22:28:33

I’d be really careful about what area you move to. I grew up in Croydon and people are different to outside london, don’t mean to sound patronising but it’s true
A nice area is expensive but important for him.

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