Am I expecting too much?

[Screamer1]

Just turned 3 year old (last week), at a register office wedding last weekend. He was told in advance this was a special day and that he needed to be quiet whilst the ceremony was on.

He basically would Not stop asking questions / talking really loudly. I ended up taking him out and really getting angry with him. I felt so disappointed and felt like he knew he should be quiet and be on his best behaviour.

My question is am asking too much? His language is excellent. This is the first time I've really lost my rag with him, but I feel like he should have it in him to sit quietly for 10 minutes.

[EveryoneTalkAboutPopMusic]

Yes you are expecting much too much. He# 3.

What did you take with you to keep him quiet?

[onemorecakeplease]

Mm my 3yo would have sat quietly at that age but her best friend definitely would have done the same as your ds. And then screamed if she was told to be quiet.

So I guess it depends on the temperament of the child!

[Greenleaf54321]

yes, you are expecting far too much, he would have absolutely no understanding of the occasion at that age.

[2014newme]

Expecting too much he does not know what a special occasion or wedding are.

[twodoors]

Took our just 3 year old to a wedding a few weeks ago. She was an angel and sat in silence watching, another 3 year old there crawled around on the floor under the chairs, spoke loudly and had to be taken out. Totally depends on the child.

[Igottastartthinkingbee]

Yes you're expecting to much in my experience. I would've had to take entertainment/snacks to get through the ceremony quietly,

[Igottastartthinkingbee]

To get DD through it I mean!

[DurhamDurham]

My two girls could sit quietly when bribed requested at that age, it all depends on the child. You did the right thing to take him out.

[treaclesoda]

I have two children. If you had asked me this when my eldest was 3 I'd have been saying 'of course a three year old can sit quietly for ten minutes'. But then I had my second and there was no way he could have done the same. They had the same upbringing, the same boundaries, the same discipline. But he just couldn't do it.

So basically, some can and some can't.

[Frusso]

You're expecting too much.

Only way I'd have got my ds through similar at the same age would have been a supply of haribo given one at a time, a cartoon on YouTube on my phone with headphones, and allowing him to sit on the floor.

If it had been dd at the same age I just wouldn't have taken her, as that girl couldn't have been bribed to sit or be quiet.

[Scotinoz]

My almost 4 year is a really easy and well behaved kid, but no way could she have sat quietly through a wedding ceremony! She would however have asked her questions in her best 'whisper' (i.e. Stage whisper).

Sorry, but you're expecting too much of a just three year old in my opinion

[Chosenbyyou]

I had a similar issue - my 2.5 year old at a wedding heard me do a shhhh sound and then continued to do this at the top of her voice until I had to walk her out :(

Shame but I suppose that is an age thing.

[Justgivemesomepeace]

Dd would have been fine. Ds not a chance. He's 4. Depends on the child I suppose.

[trilbydoll]

Dd1 would have understood bribery and sat quietly if she knew there was a treat in it. DD2 is only 2yo and generally pretty quiet and watchful anyway. She wouldn't understand though, it would be pot luck if she behaved or not.

[Screamer1]

Ok this is really helpful thank you so much. I feel bad now, maybe I was too harsh. I feel like I'm generally really patient with him.

Ack, it's so hard to get right.

I really appreciate all your opinions

[Pennywhistle]

The answer is, that it depends.

My twins both sat quietly through a wedding service at two and a half however they were both used to sitting through a weekly church service so they’d had practice and really understood what “quietly” meant.

So while I don’t think it’s “too much to expect” for a three year old, it might be too much to expect from your specific three year old if he’s never done it before.

My twins are now 9 yo, two years ago they sat beautifully through an hour long Christening (they were the only children who stayed for the full service).

They were extremely surprised when various strangers from the congregation kindly approached them to compliment them in their good behaviour. As far as they were concerned they hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that kids can be taught to do lots of things, but it’s unreasonable to expect them to necessarily be able to do it the first time.