Father issues. Should I cut him off ..??(3 Posts)
Okay so this is my situation. Currently going through a divorce. I have 3 y/o and 7 month old. Their dad lives in the US. We have been separated for 2 years, and now (finally) getting a divorce. He moved back to the States a few months after we separated. So he hasn't been a good father during those years. My oldest is pretty attached to him (because we were married & living together when he was born), however my youngest is not, because he hasn't spent any time with him. He doesn't call to see the kids, maybe once in a blue moon. He doesn't financially provide for the boys, and just overall he needs to step up being a father. I visited the states just so the boys could spend time with their father. But he would never come to England to see his kids, and his reason.. 'I hate England' I just don't understand how a father could be so selfish. It is completely beyond me. If he visits he stays for no more than one week. And that's once a year, if that.
SO I'm at a point, where I'm like, do I keep giving him a chance & just let the boys see what type of man he is. OR just cut him out completely out of the boys' lives..? I am not the type of mother that would take away a parent from a child, because of the way I feel towards the father. However I'm so afraid that his failure to be a good father, a father that the boys need, will affect the boys emotionally when they are a little older. Everything starts young right. And as a mother you want the BEST for you children, & will do everything to make sure they have a happy childhood.
I'm so confused! Has anyone else been in this situation? If so please give me some advice! Thanks so much. Xx
I think it's fine to stop chasing him. Otherwise it will be costly for you at least but maybe the boys too. Emotionally, financially, time wise. In some cases no parent is better than a bad parent. Keep anything nice you have of their father (emails, photos etc) so you can tell the boy's information about him but I'd stop chasing him and get on with your lives.
Don't actively block contact between them, just stop contacting him and see if he's tries to keep in touch with his children on his own.
I understand you want what's best for them but he doesn't sound like he is what's best. Eventually they will be old enough to see his lack of interest and will experience the inevitable rejection that follows. You need to focus on building them a life that will soften that pain.
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