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tell me it gets easier!

(57 Posts)
willothewisp17 Sat 07-Oct-17 19:28:50

tell me that the newborn stage gets easier, tell me that the relentless crying stops and there are good, happy times to come that aren't always filled with stress and anxiety sad

ChoudeBruxelles Sat 07-Oct-17 19:31:20

It does but if you’re feeling stressed and worried by it speak to your midwife or HV

ErrolTheDragon Sat 07-Oct-17 19:34:43

This too shall pass. Yes, it does get better.
But this stage isn't easy - Do you have some real life support?

willothewisp17 Sat 07-Oct-17 19:37:55

I have ample support, but it just doesn't help, I didn't want to need support if you know what I mean, I wanted to just manage on my own and manage well! circumstances have always been stressful since birth as my daughter was 10 weeks prem. I honestly think I coped better under all the stress at the hospital!

Yika Sat 07-Oct-17 19:41:50

Sympathies. Yes it's all phases and stages, some will be easier than others and it sounds as though you're starting out with a real tough phase.

The newborn phase passes very quickly; things also change quite rapidly although stressful days and nights seem so long at the time. I found that the whole of babyhood passed very quickly so I hope you will find some quiet and relaxed times with your baby to enjoy in all the stress.

peanut2017 Sat 07-Oct-17 19:42:53

It will get easier. I'm back loving being on maternity leave and my lo is 5.5 months now. Thought I would find the newborn stage easier as I love babies but after a difficult labour and the baby having colic, silent reflux, constipation and being in hospital twice I found it really difficult at times.

Never forget when my oh came home from work one day and I had a shit day and didn't sleep a wink the night before and was crying my eyes out and kept saying I can't do this because like you when you are in it it feels like there is no way out but there is.

Mind yourself

chipscheeseandgravy Sat 07-Oct-17 19:47:08

Hated the newborn stage. From about 6 months it got easier. He’s now 13 months and I really enjoy it.

Try not to stay in the house all day, get out and go for walks, or try a few groups/coffee mornings etc. I found getting out and about relieved the monotony of nappies, feeds and vomit.

Backhometothenorth Sat 07-Oct-17 19:50:23

Yes it gets easier and evolves all the time. Look after yourself as well as the little one OP flowerscakebrew

C8H10N4O2 Sat 07-Oct-17 19:56:42

Yes it really does get better. I remember being told the first 6 weeks are toughest, then there is another step change at 12 weeks. It seemed like eternity but it did get better (although the wretch was still waking when his first sibling arrived he did settle more).

Friends with prems took a little longer to hit this stages but we all got there and managed to raise them to adulthood without throttling them or ourselves smile

Cut yourself as much slack as possible, accept all the help going - i genuinely believe looking back that a more relaxed parent helps for a more relaxed child.

Cracklesfire Sat 07-Oct-17 19:57:28

It def gets easier - I didn't particularly enjoy my year off on mat leave but DS is 21 months now and is mainly a delight with a few tantrums thrown in. He's a lot of fun to be around.

Mulch Sat 07-Oct-17 19:59:13

Yes it really does! A good night's sleep makes the world of difference. Then strangely enough you miss the newborn stage which flys by so quickly.

demirose87 Sat 07-Oct-17 20:00:04

I have a newborn, he's my fourth and I do still feel anxious at times as he's not feeding well, lost weight and then gaining it very slowly as he has reflux. I'm constantly worrying about him. It does get easier though gradually. For me it's always around the 8 week mark when they seem to find their own routine. Just focus on the fact that it passes really quickly and you will look back and wonder where the time went.

wendz86 Sat 07-Oct-17 20:05:43

It does get easier . Agree with the going out even if just for a walk . Baby groups were my saviour for my first .

MessyBun247 Sat 07-Oct-17 20:10:33

It takes a village to raise a child, we aren't meant to do it alone. Accept offers of help and just do what you need to do to get through this stage. Having people around you to support you is an amazing thing. It seems forever at the time but you will look back and it seems it passed in the blink of an eye.

It's fucking hard. I hated not knowing why they were crying. It gets so much easier and you will enjoy it soon enough.

DaisysStew Sat 07-Oct-17 20:13:01

I hated the newborn stage as well. It just felt so relentless and draining. My DS is nearly 3 now and motherhood is a lot more rewarding. Yes there are tantrums and strops, potty training is turning out to be a nightmare etc but... he's so funny and clever, there really is something amazing about watching their personalities develop. Also you get to a certain point (for me it was about 18mo) where you stop worrying as much and realise that you've made it this far so must be doing ok.

willothewisp17 Sat 07-Oct-17 20:14:43

my daughter has absolutely no routine, she's fourth months and three weeks old, but with being born early she's not like a baby of that age at all, it's like we've been permanently stuck in newborn stage for ages! I take her out for walks to get out of the house, but at times she screams (I don't think she likes to be restricted, and wants her dummy but repeatedly spits it out and then yells for it) and it embarrasses me walking around the streets with a screaming baby! I feel like people are just watching and judging the tired sod pushing a screaming baby around sad so many moments are worth it, the baby smiles and the cuddles, the baby gurgling but at times I just feel like I'm looking down a black hole and I'm going to fall right in. there's no feeling quite like the helplessness and frustration of not being able to help your upset baby!

willothewisp17 Sat 07-Oct-17 20:16:11

not to mention the unbearable guilt and sadness when I do get help and someone else feeds/holds/calms/looks after her

minipie Sat 07-Oct-17 20:16:18

Yes yes yes it gets easier.

I had a prem baby too (6 weeks early so not as early as yours but did weeks of nicu etc). It's a shit start, all that worry and you use up all your energy and emotional reserves during the hospital stay. And then you've only reached term and still have all the newborn stage to go! And prem babies are often harder, they are smaller and more likely to have digestive issues and reflux and sleep issues as a result... The first 5 months of DD's life were the hardest I have ever gone through. You have my enormous sympathy!

BUT it gets so much better. So much. And having had a tough start you will be less unfazed by teething and toddler strops than those who had easy babies. Hang in there flowers

millifiori Sat 07-Oct-17 20:16:45

I promise you it gets easier. We had a very tough time when DC were young as DS2 was prem, v ill, cried non stop, never slept. By age 1 we were all happy. That feels like forever at the newborn stage, but I promise you it flies by and ime, the fact that the early months were hellish makes you extra happy and appreciative of the good times when they come.

minipie Sat 07-Oct-17 20:17:44

Cross posted. I had the pushing a screaming baby round too. please don't worry about what people think. They will just be relieved it isn't them.

willothewisp17 Sat 07-Oct-17 20:19:48

when watching someone else hold her/comfort her, inside I am hysterically panicked that it should be me doing that, what if she forgets me, starts to not wants me, doesn't know who I am! absolutely ridiculous thoughts I know, but I can't stop!

Swirlingasong Sat 07-Oct-17 20:21:19

It does get easier and honestly, when someone is pushing a small screaming baby around, no-one is judging. Many people don't even notice - their cries are far more piercing to us. Those that do will either be trying to give you sympathetic been there done that vibes or just mentally registering with relief that it's not their child crying.

Waytroze Sat 07-Oct-17 20:29:51

It gets easier. I barely left the house for the first 4 months as my son would cry so much and we got stared at. "Is he hungry? Is he tired?" Oh, leave me alone, stranger in supermarket! Baby activities were harrowing events that he would cry through and I couldn't soothe him to peace. Awful. I hated it.

Things slowly started to get better from 4 months. Things were significantly better from age 1. Now he's 2, and spending time with him is a delight. Friends who had easy babies are finding the toddler years hard, but I'm loving it. It's a breeze compared to relentless crying. He likes going out. He can express himself and that makes life so much easier.

Do what you need to do to survive. If you and baby make it to the end of the day and you're both alive, that's a successful day. Get groceries delivered. Use Amazon to bring you things you need. Buy the bags of ready prepared vegetables. Reduce your workload as much as possible because life is hard right now.

But it will be better. Much better. Hang on in there.

Cracklesfire Sat 07-Oct-17 20:32:09

Can you speak to your health visitor or GP about how your feeling? I think most of us can relate to that anxiety at some stage. DS used to act up for me and I convinced myself it was because he hated me when in reality it's because he feels most secure expressing his emotions good or bad with me. When I got my head around that I could accept the days or weeks I got nothing done because he wouldn't let me put him down all day or was really clingy & stroppy.

Nobody will ever be what you are to your DD. Accept as much help as is offered - you'll burn yourself out if you don't and the stress your feeling will make it harder for you to deal with LO yourself.

Waytroze Sat 07-Oct-17 20:33:46

when watching someone else hold her/comfort her, inside I am hysterically panicked that it should be me doing that, what if she forgets me, starts to not wants me, doesn't know who I am! absolutely ridiculous thoughts I know, but I can't stop!

This sounds quite like anxiety.

You have the normal bonds and drives, but they sound amplified to an impractical and harmful level. Is this something you've ever discussed with anyone?

Or have you not mentioned it as you're worried that you're too worried? There's catch 22 situation for you!

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