How long do the baby blues last?

[GinUnicorn]

Hey all. Had a gorgeous little one two weeks ago. Love her to bits but I have been super weepy for the last week. I'm worried this could mean I have pnd. Is this normal? Can anyone reassure me? Thanks

[Lallypopstick]

I think I had at least one weepy moment a day for the first few weeks. It’s a complete shock to the system, and nothing prepares you for it - the responsibility coupled with sleep deprivation is quite the combination.

Keep an eye on things and speak to someone (health visitor) if things don’t improve.

[INeedNewShoes]

I think that if you still feel the same on Monday there'd be no harm giving your health visitor a call.

Be nice to yourself and make sure those around you are being lovely and bringing you tea, cake and oodles of support

[GinUnicorn]

Thank you. Just feel a bit stressed out that all this emotional mess means I am a crap mother :(

I like the cake suggestion x

[INeedNewShoes]

Please don't think you're a crap mother. I think most mums in the early weeks feel like they're not getting things right, not doing enough etc.

I spent the first 4 weeks back and forward for appointments due to worries about DD's weight. The focus on the practical side of getting to multiple appointments a week and doing lots of expressing to boost my milk supply mean that I look back and feel that I just didn't hold my baby enough.

I think we all feel a bit inadequate. Bloody hormones!

If you're feeling down more often than not I'd really encourage you to speak to your HV or GP.

[InDubiousBattle]

I think it was day 21 before I had a day without tears! I would start to sob over the tiniest thing and worried constantly that I was 'doing it all wrong'. It soon passed as my confidence grew. Give yourself a break, you just had a baby!

[GinUnicorn]

Thanks. It's nice to know it isn't just me

[ColdFeetWarmHeart]

Hey gin - I just wanted to double check, is this your first baby??

My DD2 is 2.5 weeks old. Thinking back to when DD1 was small i was a lot more emotional and anxious about getting things right than I am now with DD2. However I'm still having weepy days - lack of sleep on top of hormones is an absolute killer!!

Maybe make a note of how you feel when you're weepy, in case you speak to GP or health visitor about it. As I was fairly weepy with DD1 my health visitor at the time scheduled a couple of extra home visits until she was happy that I didn't have PND. Those sessions were a brilliant opportunity to discuss any little concerns I had without feeling rushed, like I would at GPs or clinic.

Is there anything in particular that's upsetting / worrying you??

[GinUnicorn]

Yes first one. I'm not really sure what makes me feel emotional to be honest. I think I find it all a bit overwhelming. She doesn't sleep much which makes it hard as I am on about 2 hours sleep a night. I think I generally feel a bit isolated and worried I feel like this doesn't come as naturally as I imagined and I just don't know how to settle or comfort her which makes me feel a bit of a failure. Thinking about giving her a bottle of formula at night so I can get a break but it upsets me to give up on exclusively breastfeeding so soon.

[INeedNewShoes]

Honestly, we all feel like this in those early weeks, not knowing what's wrong when baby is crying. Try to remember that not all crying means that baby is terribly upset. A lot of it will be slight grumbling!

Things suddenly seemed easier to me at around 4 weeks and it does just keep getting easier and easier.

You're absolutely not a failure. It's a difficult adjustment to make to not feel completely in control of everything especially if you've always had a good handle on things in life up to this point. However organised, well read, intelligent etc. we are having a baby is completely new and there are lots of things we can't control! I'm always saying that my baby clearly omitted to read the textbooks because she doesn't do things according to the books!

My health visitor was brilliant at talking through things like this. Are you reluctant to give yours a call?

[Mittens92]

Mine lasted a good month Hun. DS also had terrible colic and constantly cried and waking up every hour on the hour so that also made my baby blues even worse but I promise you, it will get better! If you feel like it won't and you feel worse than the "blues", and I mean a lot worse then speak to your HV or the GP asap. Hope you feel better soon (((hugs))) x

[Csd17]

I’m sorry you are suffering. Goodness me, the baby blue hit me like an emotional hammer. I’d never felt so desperate in my life. My baby blues lasted about 3 weeks and gradually improved from there. Do talk to your Hv or dr if concerned.

[Csd17]

Also please remember that you are not a bad mother. It’s the hardest job in the world and nothing can prepare you for the relentless, exhausting drudgery of having a newborn. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture and if you are exclusively breastfeeding, you are giving even more of yourself to your tiny human. Take it minute by minute and day by day. I keep telling myself that this time will pass and that I never have to have another newborn ever again.

[EssentialHummus]

Thinking about giving her a bottle of formula at night so I can get a break but it upsets me to give up on exclusively breastfeeding so soon.

It’s a very personal decision but we introduced a bottle of formula at 2.5 weeks for this reason (I was told it’s the right time to do it, because there is less chance of them rejecting either bottle of the breast). Or you can express for that feed? DH now does a 9/10pm feed, so I can sleep from 8am to 2am ish.

More generally, please be kind to yourself. DD is now four weeks and it’s still hard. Reach out to people around you, be explicit about what you need.

[EssentialHummus]

I wanted to say, introducing that formula feeed was the right thing for us.

[Want2bSupermum]

It's the lack of sleep that sent me loopy. We live 3000 miles from family and had zero help with the first two. With the third we had moved and friends I had made were amazing. They would take my elder two for a few hours. I slept in our bed with the baby in her nook in the middle of the bed. I didn't BF my third in part because I just did not have the capacity. I had to be 'on' with my elder two very quickly. DH travelled 3 weeks after DD2 arrived. I needed as much sleep as possible and with formula she slept for a 5 hour stretch at 3 weeks two nights out of the 5 DH was away.

[Want2bSupermum]

Do speak to your HV or your GP about this. It's important your health is looked after.

[GinUnicorn]

Thanks all. I think I'll try one formula at night soon. Feel reluctant to speak to my hv but I guess I should just get over it

[Want2bSupermum]

If you feel reluctant to speak to your Hc is there a GP you would feel comfortable with talking to? I say this as someone who benefited from the hospital I delivered at having a process in place that meant someone came to see me without me asking. If that conversation hadn't happened I do think I would have had PND.

[INeedNewShoes]

Yep, get over it! It's really not a big deal. To be honest I've found that health visitors are so accustomed to mums struggling in the first few weeks that they raise their eyebrows at anyone who says everything's fine! It's really not something to be ashamed about or to be frightened of talking about.

I was seeing my HV from before baby was born as I thought I might have prenatal depression. My HV was wonderful!

[Dairymilkmuncher]

I was weepy when my partner went back to work around the same age is your little one is now. I didn’t have PND just a bit hormonal and it all settled down in time. Keep an eye and keep honest to the people close to you about your feelings.

Get as much rest as you can but also get out of the house, get fresh air and see people. It makes such a difference to your mood and also take everything as a win like when you get a shower, decent nap, good food. No one finds these early days super easy, it’s important to remember that.

[InDubiousBattle]

Honestly op having a newborn for the first time is very hard. I'm sure there are women who shrug off childbirth and leap confidantly into motherhood breast feeding with ease and blow drying their hair every day......but I don't know any! "Shell shocked", "exhausted", "overwhelmed" are words far more commonly heard. I was sure that it would all come naturally to me because I'd taken care of my sister's dc many, many times. I was wrong. I struggled with just about every aspect for the first 3-4 weeks. Crying at everything, bf was nothing short of a nightmare, exhausted, terrified we'd made a terrible mistake. It gets better, quicker than you can imagine at this stage. Hvs will see this all of the time, so will gps.

Ds was mix fed for various reasons around tongue tie and bf problems. I chose to mix feed dd and we started giving a very small bottle of f at 10-10.30pm every night. She had one ff a day and bf all of the rest of the time.

Are you in any pain? Is bf going well do you think? Plenty of wet/dirty nappies?

[QuilliamCakespeare]

Three weeks with my first because we had feeding issues. About a day with my second! I still cry regularly though. Being a Mum is hard (but wonderful).

[verysleepymum]

I was horribly anxious and down for a month or so after dd was born. It wasn't PND it was exhaustion. You just gave birth, your hormones are crazy and you can't recover or process everything properly on 2 hours of sleep a night. It will get better though! Once my dd started sleeping a little better I felt enormously better! I had a few nights with strange dreams with 3 or 4 hour chunks of sleep and weirdly I felt better after that. I think my brain needed to process everything.

It will get easier I promise, (my dd is two months and the fog is slowly lifting) she is sleeping better, smiling and interacting more!

Parenting doesn't come naturally to anyone, people who seem to have their shit together may well not at 3am and will probably also deal with inconsolable crying (which we are still getting, but I feel a lot calmer about it now)

You are doing well, keep going!

Ps my HV was horrible and patronising and made me cry and feel worse, so hopefully you will have a nice one but if not don't stress if they are mean. Ignore them.

[GinUnicorn]

Thanks all for the support. Today has been the first day since she was born that I haven't cried and I haven't even felt tearful!

It's really reassuring to know I am not the only one it doesn't feel like it all comes naturally to. Hopefully we are on the up. I have now plucked up the courage to join some mother baby group and an app to find other mums. I even left the house today so hopefully I am getting past the worst.

[InDubiousBattle]

Sounds great op! I loved mother and baby groups and made some very good friends. I especially enjoyed the more regular, organised ones (as opposed to drop in type baby grouos)such as baby massage as it was the same group every week so we got to know each other.