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Christmas delimma

(15 Posts)
Motherwell91 Fri 22-Sep-17 15:13:07

My 4 yr old DD has spent every Christmas with me. 2 years father wasn't involved not mine or his choice he has been in constant contact over the last 6 months. He has asked to have her Christmas eve till morning and then bring her home. I have agreed no issue. but DD outright refuses that she wants to sleepover... I have told her she will probably feel different once Christmas is here. But she is having none of it she has said she will go round for a little bit but wants to sleep at home. she wants me to tell him as she doesn't want to make him sad I don't want him to think I have made her not want to go or I'm just saying this. So should I send her anyway or should I respect her wishes ?

InDubiousBattle Fri 22-Sep-17 16:42:19

I think 3 months is ages when you're talking about a 4 year old and an eternity when talking about someone she's only known properly for 6 months. I'd tell her dad what she's said but add the you can both work on making her feel more confident over the next few months. Tell her she doesn't have to make any firm decisions right now.

KatyN Sat 23-Sep-17 08:49:23

Has she had a sleepover there before. Maybe plan one November time so that if it does go wrong st Christmas it’s a less emotive time?
But also a lot can change in 3 months.

FATEdestiny Sat 23-Sep-17 09:24:31

Have a few sleepovers before hand and see how they go.

Motherwell91 Sat 23-Sep-17 14:18:06

He came to take her for breakfast and she turned round and told him she didn't want to sleep at his house. _ we haven't done about it since yesterday midday so was obviously still on her mind_ he turned round and said she has no choice as he wants her to stay... Can't say I'm impressed I don't feel that this was the right response at all.

Motherwell91 Sat 23-Sep-17 14:18:43

Spoke about it *

Motherwell91 Sat 23-Sep-17 14:18:46

Spoke about it *

Motherwell91 Sat 23-Sep-17 14:20:13

No she hasn't had a sleepover she refuses to. She is adamant. I don't feel right to Force her. As it really is a new relationship in a way

imsorryiasked Sat 23-Sep-17 14:30:53

Is she perhaps worrying that she won't be able to come home again. Or that father Christmas won't know where to find her?

Winteriscomingneedmorewood Sat 23-Sep-17 14:32:43

No way would I be chancing ruining her Christmas for him. Sorry but df or not her run up to Christmas Eve is not going to be a nice one. . And I doubt she would forget it either.

wowbutter Sat 23-Sep-17 14:54:49

Your child is telling you quite clearly what they want, listen!!

Christmas, and any day for that matter, contact with parents and family should enhance that child's life and be for the child. She does not want to sleep over, decision made.

uhoh2016 Sat 23-Sep-17 18:07:38

If she doesn't want too that's up too her. How about you suggest she goes Xmas eve and he gets her ready for bed at his bath, new Xmas Pjs, put reindeer dust out, Xmas story etc then he brings her home at bedtime. And if your comfortable with it he comes round with the presents santa left at his house and you both watch her open her presents. Agree this might not be ideal if you have other children or partners

uhoh2016 Sat 23-Sep-17 18:08:16

*on Xmas morning

Motherwell91 Sat 23-Sep-17 21:23:36

Thank you for your responses I'm defintly not going to force her to go I was pretty sure of that. Just wondered if most people would do the same. I've not had to share her for so long I wasn't too sure how these things work.

Motherwell91 Sat 23-Sep-17 21:25:27

Uh oh 2016 I think that seems a great idea and should make everyone happy. I have no issue him coming round and doing that. I think he struggles to understand why she feels the way she does and thinks I'm making her mind up for her.

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