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Husband walked out on me and 2 children

(17 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

nics35 Fri 22-Sep-17 14:36:50

Afternoon,
I'm new to this so bare with me. I've been with my husband for 14 years. We have two children 11 son and 6 daughter. I found an email 4 weeks ago he was arranging to meet another women. In the space of 4 weeks he has moved out and said goodbye to our children. He is moving in with the other woman today. I am lucky I have a lot of family support. I can't get my head round it all and don't seemed to be angry yet? Is that normal. I've been sick sad hurt but not angry. Would love to hear any advice smile

PlasticPatty Fri 22-Sep-17 14:38:38

Advice - keep breathing, try to eat and sleep. You'll be angry in your own time.

PlasticPatty Fri 22-Sep-17 14:39:18

Have this moved to 'Relationships'. I'll report for you.

timingisabastard Fri 22-Sep-17 14:40:21

I have no advice other than take each day as it comes - each hour if need me. Currently going through something similar and it is HARD.

I'm up and down with anger but mainly just devastated. Be kind to yourself in the meantime - it's a truly shitty time but you will get through this flowers

MyBrilliantDisguise Fri 22-Sep-17 14:41:31

When you say he said "goodbye" to your children, do you mean he intended not to see them again?

nics35 Fri 22-Sep-17 14:52:24

It's just the cloud constantly. It's debilitating.
He plans to visit the children once a fortnight
I find it all very confusing how someone could cast their family aside??

LornaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 22-Sep-17 15:02:25

We're sending this over to relationships now, OP.

Of course, this is completely up to you and if you'd like us to move it back to parenting, please just let us know.

flowers

nics35 Fri 22-Sep-17 15:50:49

Sorry your going through a tough time. Timing is a bastard. It's just a case of faking it till we make it wink

nics35 Fri 22-Sep-17 15:52:17

Try kublher Ross on google. I found it helpful to see where I thought I was in the stages of losing someone. I feel like it is a bereavement of hopes and the old relationship

timingisabastard Fri 22-Sep-17 16:19:25

Oh, it's definitely like a bereavement - sending you much love and positive thoughts. I've found writing has helped a little - even just emptying my thoughts out. I'll check that out online ❤️

nics35 Fri 22-Sep-17 16:26:06

Wishing you a happy future. Not easy is it? Have you got children?

AdoraBell Fri 22-Sep-17 16:27:41

OP you will be angry in time. In the meantime, as others have said, just keep taking one day at a time, but get some legal advice. Don't let him dictate things.

So, he plans to 'visit' the children? Not at your home, he will probably expect you to be in the background providing cups of tea, snacks, lunch etc. He can pick the children up and bring them back at a pre-agreed times. This can be arranged by email. Try to see a solicitator before then.

nics35 Fri 22-Sep-17 16:37:59

Oh no we've discussed he takes them out and brings them back as planned. I'm definitely going to get some legal advice soon.

AdoraBell Fri 22-Sep-17 16:39:42

Well done.

nics35 Fri 22-Sep-17 16:40:03

Feel like my brain won't let me really see what he's done. Probably to protect what little energy I have left. He's been gone since Monday. I'm hoping in time I will get stronger and able to deal with the situation and what affects it's had on me so I don't carry it around for the rest of my life

timingisabastard Fri 22-Sep-17 20:47:19

@nics35 yes, and am nearly 32 weeks pregnant now. It's so bloody hard. I wanted to try and work through any issues he thought we had, he thought we would be better apart. He's taken someone else out in the meantime (whole other story).

It's really, really tough and having to be strong for the children is really tough, but you will get through this - I know that because people keep telling me the same and telling me that actually, it worked out for the best and that it was the best thing that happened to them. I'm nowhere near even believing that but I have faith.

All I can advise is make sure you eat and drink, even though you might not feel like it. Listen to the PP who said about making sure he takes the children out - I didn't at first as I thought it would give us a chance to talk but that made things worse.

Just be kind to yourself and take each hour as it comes. Don't worry about feeling emotional or crying or whatever - I've learned the hard way that you have to let yourself process each emotion.

Sending so much love.

Cloud82 Fri 22-Sep-17 21:44:11

Ah thanks for the lovely message.

You must be really feeling it and my heart goes out to you ❤️. It's not a nice feeling when someone throws you away like your nothing. That's how I've felt.

I've just had a good old cry. Knowing he is setting up home with the other one today. Made it all very real and very painful.

I treated myself to a cuppa and a biscuit for letting the emotions out.

I would just like this fog to lift so I can start thinking straight. Do you have that feeling?

Nice to get your point of view smile

I hope that we both heal in time once we are over the shock. You keep yourself healthy and happy.

Sending big hugs

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