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Poo pants -when will DS poo on toilet?

(24 Posts)
Nutgirl Sat 16-Sep-17 17:44:56

DS2 is 2 years 10 months. Has been successfully potty trained on the wee front for about 3 months. Reliably dry during the day, rarely wets himself and takes himself to potty / loo or tells me he needs to go.

Poo is a whole different story! For the first month or so he just used to poo his pants. Would run off and hide somewhere and before I could get to him he would have done the deed. After 4 weeks of throwing pooey pants away I gave him the option of having a pull up or 'poo pants' to go in. He liked this idea and this is what we moved to. Seemed liked a good interim solution as it put him in control, was easier all round in terms of cleaning him up (just changing a nappy) and everyone relaxed.

Fast forward another two months and he is still asking for poo pants for every poo. Will not entertain the idea of going on the loo or potty despite bribery of the highest order! Gets very upset and distressed if we try to sit him on the loo and it's just really horrible, so I always cave and give him the pull up. Nothing will convince him to do it - he sees his older brother go and his friends at nursery but isn't bothered at all. I ask him why and he just says he doesn't want to. Doesn't mind it being babyish etc. We now say he has to go in the bathroom and stand next to the toilet in his poo pants which he is happy to do - tells us to go and give him some privacy and closes the door grin

It's not the biggest problem in the world cos I know he is still young and at least he is in control and not holding it in. It just seems a dreadful waste, both financially and environmentally, to be pooing in a pull up when there is a perfectly good toilet there! He has 2 or 3 times a day!

Worried we're still going to be in this position months down the line. Anyone ever had this with their DC? If so what helped them to make the transition?

Thanks for reading.

Cakescakescakes Sat 16-Sep-17 17:47:43

We had this for a year. He just grew out of eventually. It was grim.

Writerwannabe83 Sat 16-Sep-17 19:51:29

My DA is 3.5 years and still won't poo on the toilet or in a potty, he will only do it in a nappy. He's otherwise been toilet trained for about 9 months.

It's a total nightmare and causes me frequent stress sad

Dontwaketheneighbours Sat 16-Sep-17 19:58:36

My DS is 3.5 and was like this for a while, for some reason he just wouldn't poo on the toilet. Tried all kinds, including flat out bribery, but one day he just did it. Everyone told me he'd just grow out of it but I didn't believe them and would get stressed about it, but he really did just grow out of it and now he's great and will poop on anyone's toilet grin

holdthewine Sat 16-Sep-17 23:07:49

My DGS was like this. Nursery suggested we run out of nappies. So we all did it the same week, nursery, home and our house (we have him 2 mornings). Luckily, with me, the first time it happened we were busy baking so, as well as saying we had no nappies I said " why don't you just sit on here quickly and we can go on having fun" it worked fine.

Don't let him get anxious and don't fret if this doesn't work. He will just do it in his own time.

FlamingGusset Sat 16-Sep-17 23:29:53

I would suggest step by step. It's good that he'll stand next to the loo, next step is to sit on the loo wearing the pull up. From there you can either try and progress to just taking the pants off to go, or cutting a hole in the pull up first.

Nutgirl Sun 17-Sep-17 08:02:08

Thanks for your replies. He has a supply of pull ups at nursery but never poos there. He waits all day and then as soon as we get home he asks for his poo pants.

I know next step is for him to sit on toilet wearing pull up which I suggest every time but he just refuses point blank to sit on there and if we persisit he gets upset.

I did wonder about running out of nappies but trouble is that he still wears them at night so knows there is a ready supply. So if I ran out of pull ups then there will always be nappies around ifyswim...

rachrach2 Sun 17-Sep-17 08:09:44

My daughter took 3.5 months to stop pooing in her pants once she dry. I bought a small toy she wanted and showed it to her and she knew she got it if she pooed in the toilet, but what eventually worked was being naked. She was naked playing in the garden as it was hot (wasn't part of my potty training plan!) and she needed a poo - something in her didn't want to do it on the grass so she used the potty. We weren't using pull ups though, we just threw away lots of pairs of cheap pants!

Poo goes to pooland is a good story too you can download.

SweepTheHalls Sun 17-Sep-17 08:16:07

In the end I bought nappy liners, the ones that go in reusable nappies, and put in his pants and told him it was to make it easier to clean up accidents. No idea why, but it did the trick after about 6 months of poo pants.

littletwofeet Sun 17-Sep-17 08:28:34

I would back right off. Don't mention it at all. No bribes/rewards, no discussing it even in passing. If you're asking him frequently if he wants to sit on the toilet, etc it's probably putting a lot of pressure on him.
Going to the toilet is one of the very few things children have complete control over.

He will get there, and whether it's in two months or a year, it doesn't really matter.

It sounds like you're managing it really well, using a pull up in the toilet. Just keep saying to him 'good boy asking for a pull up' in a matter of fact way, no mention on next time he can sit on the toilet/his friend johnny is a big boy sitting on the toilet, etc.
He knows he can sit on the toilet if he wants to and will do when he is ready.

Remember, lots of DC end up with chronic constipation from holding poo in due to 'nappies running out' or similar.

Once you stop stressing and completely accept this is just how it is for now and it's not something you have to find a way to change, he will probably pick up on this and end up going himself sooner than if you are trying all different things to get him to go.

kylerichards Sun 17-Sep-17 08:29:55

They hate the pooping side of toilet training . With no shame il tell you we made a chocolate treat tin . Every poop in toilet or potty got a treat 😳

Nutgirl Sun 17-Sep-17 09:07:24

Thanks all. Yep bribes don't work for him, I could promise him his most desired thing in the world and it doesn't persuade him. Tried Poo goes to Pooland, didn't work.

Will try backing off and just be content with pull ups for now. Just conscious how bad they are for the environment.

Nutgirl Sun 17-Sep-17 09:07:34

Thanks all. Yep bribes don't work for him, I could promise him his most desired thing in the world and it doesn't persuade him. Tried Poo goes to Pooland, didn't work.

Will try backing off and just be content with pull ups for now. Just conscious how bad they are for the environment.

holdthewine Sun 17-Sep-17 13:56:23

Littleteofeet. I agree with everything you've said. Especially not making an issue out of it.

We only tried the "we've run out of nappies today" for one day and it just clicked so he was ready, which is the key. We had all agreed just to say it once and if he didn't agree we'd have "found" one. Funnily enough he was poo holding before when he was asking to have a nappy on, maybe it wasn't very comfortable! Anyway it happened that one day and a couple of months on he happily sits on the big loo with a book, singing to himself and tells us all to go away!

beela Sun 17-Sep-17 14:03:13

My ds was like this. It took around 9 months, and it drove me mad. However.... I am now realising that I had it easy, as dd (who has been dry for around 4 months) won't even ask for a nappy. She just comes and tells me there's a poo in her pants.

I would now love to have a child who asked for a nappy every time they needed a poo!

Highlove Mon 18-Sep-17 07:09:42

Took us about a year from being wee trained to pooing in the toilet. About six months of that was in a nappy and about six months in a potty before finally progressing to the toilet. We gradually started sitting her on the potty with the nappy on, made it a bit looser, then eventually just used it to line the potty. Once we'd got her going in the potty, we left it ages before starting to suggest the toilet. She was very resistant so we just let it go, just occasionally suggesting it. Eventually one day we were out and she was desperate and got quite upset. With a lot of bribery (new toy bought then and there) she went on a loo. I don't think that would have happened a few months earlier; she must just have been about ready.

I think going very slow is the key. And don't worry about it, or the environment. It's one of those things and very, very common - I now know of loads of kids who do/did this. If frustrating!

PurpleWithRed Mon 18-Sep-17 07:19:22

24 years on it's comforting to read how many other mums had this problem - I had it with pfb ds and no mumsnet to consult, thought it was just me and I was a useless mum.

After trying the full range of bribery/punishment options I decided to stop making a fuss or talk aboUt his pooing at all, but whenever I was doing a poo I would casually mention it ('I'm just off for a poo' 'use the upstairs loo for a wee dad's having a poo in the downstairs one' etc). Sorted within a month.

SnowWhite33 Mon 18-Sep-17 14:02:35

My DS is exactly the same! We started in July and with pee it was done very quickly in about a week. He does need to be reminded sometimes and likes cto wait till last minute but generally is doing great and can hold it for quite long.
With poop, he would just go upset and distressed and at the end go into his pants during the 1st week. Then we suggested the nappy for poop and he liked the idea.
Now he knows very well when he needs to go, comes up and asks for a "poopy in the nappy", can hold on for quite a bit till i get one and then does it straight away. No accidents since 2nd week of July.
So it is a good interim solution but i do wonder how long will it last. Do we need to do something (bribery doesnt work) or just relax and hope he will grow out.

Highlove Mon 18-Sep-17 18:20:30

I'd say relax and he'll grow out if it. Every so often suggest the potty or loo, but let it go if he's not up for it. He will be, eventually.

Nutgirl Mon 18-Sep-17 21:15:56

Thanks for all your posts, comforting to know this is so normal. We had a breakthrough today. I picked him up from nursery and he came up to tell me that he had done a poo on the toilet! He was very pleased with himself smile. I don't know why he did it - the teacher said a bunch of them were in the loos and she asked if anyone needed a poo and he said yes and got on the loo! So we rewarded him with a much coveted new toy car when he got home and he went to bed feeling very pleased with himself.

Not convinced this is it and it will be bye bye pull ups now as he has done a poo on the loo one time before at home and we did the same with rewards. I thought we had cracked it but next day we were back to pull ups and loo refusal! So who knows if this actually it now...will update in a few days.

Nutgirl Thu 26-Oct-17 07:47:59

Hello all, thought I would give an update. DS is 3 tomorrow and still won’t poo in the toilet, sigh. He just will not entertain the idea despite that one time of going at nursery. He has got himself into the habit of going first thing in the morning in his nappy and there is always a poo waiting for me to change when I go into him in the morning. His poos are always loose and it has often leaked out as he’s done it on to an already full nappy and I have to then change the bedding as well. It’s just so gross. He often goes evening too but will still ask for a pull up. Last night he was in the bath and looked panicked and said he needed a poo, so I lifted him out of the bath and put him on the loo and he totally freaked out, screaming and crying so I caved and let him have a pull up. It is so frustrating!

DH thinks we need to just call his bluff and say there are no pull ups and make him do it on the toilet. He sees it as a battle of wills which we are losing but I’m not sure this will help. All the advice I have read is to not force the issue.

Just really hoped I wouldn’t still be changing nappies anymore, especially as he’s been dry in the day for 5 months now.

luckiestgirl Thu 26-Oct-17 08:05:20

Have a read back through the replies- so many people have said it takes up to a year for it to click. I really wouldn't force it.

SilverLinings2014 Thu 26-Oct-17 08:42:09

I wouldn’t force the issue either, it’s not something you want a battle over or for him to start holding etc. as that can be the start of a lifetime of problems.

My 2 year 10 month old DD is just the same as your DS. Been reliably using the potty/toilet for wees since May, always asks for a pull up for a poo. We talk regularly about people doing poos in the toilet and that she can when she feels ready. However, I do find it frustrating and would love to be done with nappies, esp since I’m pregnant and due soon.

A few months ago I started talking to her about how she needed to start doing her poos in the bathroom/ downstairs toilet rather than roaming the house (still in a nappy) then we progressed to sitting on the toilet with her pull up on to do a poo, usually whilst reading a book (everybody poos is good!) I did cut a flap in the back of a pull up last week and she was so pleased to see her poo in the toilet and flush it away, but the next day was very concerned that there wasn’t a hole in her pull up. So for now I’ve decided to be content with the progress we’ve made and let her decide when she’s comfortable to go without. I would rather her be comfortable and feel safe going for a poo than get into a cycle of holding and constipation.

clarabellski Thu 26-Oct-17 09:22:30

OP if you are concerned about environmental impact and can afford it, there are some eco options out there - we use naty babycare pull ups size 6

I think beaming baby do them in bigger sizes as well, but haven't tried them.

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