Ex saying the dd's are too young to be left on their own?

[Lovemusic33]

Dh and I separated 2 and a half years ago, he see's them once a week (at the weekend) for 5 hours, never has them over night and no extra in the holidays.

Dd's are now 13 and 11, my youngest has Autism, both dd's get on really well, never argue and when at home they please themselves in their rooms and I hardly see them unless we go out. Eldest is very sensible, has a mobile phone to contact me and knows what to do in an emergency.

I told ex that I was planning to leave them on their own for 3 hours twice a week during the holidays so I can go to work and he went ballistic at me saying they are too young to be left alone. He hasn't offered to help with childcare and I can't find anywhere local that will take dd2 due to her having autism and needing 1;1 when doing activities. I work 5 miles away from my house and can be back home fairly quickly if dd1 calls me, I am friendly with the neighbours and dd1 knows she can go there in an emergency. So is ex being unreasonable or am I?

[Needsomeflapjacks]

Ultimately when the dc are in your care it's your call.
But same for him. . .
Stop telling him your business and he won't be able to criticise you. .

[joannegrady90]

You know your children best and I think they'll be fine.

I have one dd who's 8.5, also autistic and is left for up to an hour. She is very rule orientated and knows what to do etc. Also has a very basic phone with my number in.

I'm assuming your oldest daughter can contact you if needed?

I think your ex is being a bit precious they'll be fine and you can't babysit them forever!

[walkinganhouraday]

I would have said yes given their ages, but the autism does add an extra dimension to consider.
However, if he isn't willing to a) look after them himself or b) help to pay for childcare then unfortunately it's none of his business.
If your neighbours are happy to be a 'back-stop' in case of emergency I think it will be fine.
Alternatively, ask him if he is happy for you to take the time as unpaid leave - not sure whether that's even a possibility for you - and that he reimburses you or you have your maintenance re-calculated to take account of that.
I'm sure many other single parents have to manage in similar circumstances so either he steps up in whatever capacity he can or butts out.

[Lovemusic33]

I only told him as I was hoping he would say he had some time off work and would help out. He does have 2 weeks off but he won't tell me when that is.

Dd1 is very sensible and can contact me easily, I text her every hour to make sure they are both ok. Dd2 is usually in her room with her iPad or drawing pictures (making a mess). My house is very dd2 proof so she's safer at home than anywhere else, dd1 knows exactly how dd2 operates and is probably better with her than I am at times.

[Ohyesiam]

sounds like you know your girls will be fine.

[imip]

I leave my 10 yo and 9 yo (youngest has ASD) alone for anywhere up to half an hour. I'm deliberately doing it to build up their confidence and get them to cooperate. My 10 yo is very sensible and I know at secondary school they'll be expected to be independent, so I want them to start early in small snippets.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. I'd expect to do the same in a couple of years when my dds are your age (disclaimer- I take my 5 and 7 yo with me!).