Advise on how to make dd age 4 play independently

[RedStripeIassie]

She just cannot play by her self if she's around me. If she's around other family she'll be happy playing along side them, if she's with other children she'll happily go off and play with them. But with me she has to follow me round, get me involved in every game and talk to me contatantly.

I love her so so much but without nursery (starts reception after summer) I'm going to be driven mad!! I don't want the opposite but really just a happy medium where she'll want to chat to me or do craft things together but also that I could leave her watching tv or with her books for an hour or so sometimes.

I know it's my problem and not hers because she completely leaves her dad alone and he has an easy time of it and when other family are looking after her (she's often looked after by lots of my family) they all say she's not like that with them and tell me it's my fault for spoiling her with attention from a young age which is true.

Any books or tips or online courses to help me would be really appreciated. TIA

[user1497480444]

I would just suggest taking her out a lot, parks, libraries, museums, friend's houses, bus rides, even shopping, feed the ducks, go for a walk, just make sure you get out of the house every day.

[RedStripeIassie]

Yeah leaving the house saves your sanity doesn't it .

She's not so demanding of me out and about too expect at the playground where I have to play on everything with her!

[Smellybluecheese]

I can't help but my 2.5 year old is exactly the same & has just dropped her nap so I'm desperate to encourage independent play but no idea how! She just does not leave me alone. Ever.

[seastargirl]

I bought a 15 minute sand timer, I'll set it off for my little boy and he knows he's to leave me alone for that time. It's really helped him to become a little more independent and learn to entertain himself. We only used it for a few months but it made a massive difference.

[RedStripeIassie]

I like the sand timer idea.
I hoped she would have grown out of this phase by now.

[iamUberA]

How about starting a game of Whatever, doll house, drawing, lego etc. Say I will play with you for 15 mins then I have to go do laundry, dishes ect. Hopefully she will get engrossed?

Or do what nursery do and set up a few play "stations" so cutting and sticking at the table, lego in that corner or puzzles over here. Explain what is out to play with and say you will join her in X amount of time?

[imjessie]

My son is like this with me ! Last summer we went cold turkey on the electronic devices and I told him he had to play on his own . He struggled at first but he will play on his own now ! We made a play table with playmobil on it in our open plan area so he can play and still see me which works .

[Rhubarbtart9]

Each time give her a lot of attention initially. When she's concentrating on an activity and engrossed, tell her you're putting kettle on and will be back in a minute. Or just slope off quietly. Then keep popping back and helping engross her in the activity for 10 minutes or praising her for what ever she's up to

[Rhubarbtart9]

Also no screens till late afternoon.

[Mothervulva]

I set stuff up like the happyland or pencils etc and it makes my child (3.10) gravitate towards it. Sometimes I'll sit next to her for a bit until she's got going then leave her to it. Also, I say 'mummy is busy' and didn't play with her some of the time. This approach takes time but eventually works. Not everyone likes it, but I think it's important children play on their own. At first DD wandered around aimlessly, but now she'll go and play. My 2 year old is good at this too. Once they're playing I don't disturb them either.

[RedStripeIassie]

All really good ideas. I'm almost at the stage where I'm thinking an online parenting course or something!