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3 year old has no interest in baby brother

(22 Posts)
Jules7311 Mon 17-Jul-17 21:07:57

So my 3.5 year old doesn't have much interest in his 7 month old brother. He's not unkind to him, just ignores him 90% of the time. It breaks my heart as my little one just adores his brother and gazes at him all day. Occasionally when they are left alone I catch my older one interacting with his brother but he doesn't do it in front of us weirdly!
I try to give them both loads of time and do all the usual things but I guess im just worried he'll never bond with his little brother 😢 It makes me sad and worried.
Has anyone else been in the same situation?

DearMrDilkington Mon 17-Jul-17 21:11:44

It sounds normal to me.

Give them a few more years and they'll love playing together.

Orangepear Mon 17-Jul-17 21:13:23

We have the same age gap and a book called Zaza's Baby Brother helped - it's about feeling left out when all the attention is on the new baby, but then playing with the baby and finding out it is fun. Little babies are not very exciting for busy preschoolers, I think things get better when the baby starts to do more.

Lottapianos Mon 17-Jul-17 21:13:49

My friend has two girls aged 5 and 2. 5 year old ignores the 2 year old most of the time and rarely plays with her or engages with her at all. Sometimes gets furious with her and starts shouting about how she wishes she didn't have a sister etc. No idea if their relationship will develop over time but you can't really force these things.

AUsernameThatNooneHas Mon 17-Jul-17 21:15:32

Totally normal. I know this sounds harsh but it really isn't. In you 3yo eyes your baby is pretty similar to a toy. He will play with him occasionally and then ignore him for the rest of the time.
Don't worry about it - when they're older and fighting you'll be wondering how to separate them! wink

Ohyesiam Mon 17-Jul-17 21:16:38

I think that's just how it is in many families. There's probably nothing you can do to speed it up, but it will improve with time.
Relax op, don't let your great break over it.
I was an adoring little sister to an indifferent eldest, and we are so close in adulthood. I thought m my big sister was the last word in glamour, beauty, and other -worldliness. She thought I was a dull chatterbox. I still adored her.

KERALA1 Mon 17-Jul-17 21:17:05

I think you're expecting abit much of your 3 year old!

ineedamoreadultieradult Mon 17-Jul-17 21:18:22

He will be interested in him when he can play with him properly until then he isn't that interesting to a 3 year old.

Anditstartsagain Mon 17-Jul-17 21:18:34

I have a 4.5 year gap and ds1 pretty much ignored ds2 for about 8/9 months then in the last 6 weeks they have suddenly started to play together more. I think now that ds2 can understand games like rolling the ball, chases and can get around ds1 has found some common ground before he didn't know how to play with someone who didn't give much back. They are getting closer week by week.

Neolara Mon 17-Jul-17 21:22:02

I think babies get more interesting for older siblings when they can do stuff like walk and talk. My kids all pretty much ignored their younger siblings until they got to about 12 months. They are all now huge friends and like nothing better than to spend time with each other.

DelphiniumBlue Mon 17-Jul-17 21:25:14

What Orangepear said - small babies are not very exciting to a walking, talking 3 year old.
I found this when both DS2 and DS3 were babies, the older ones were quite nice to them, as in didn't hit them, but it was at about 6 months that they actually started to find them interesting, around the time when the baby could start responding to silly faces and games. A laughing, reacting baby got a lot more attention from older brothers than a sleeping, feeding blob. I found it quite upsetting to start with that the baby was so ignored, but it improved quite quickly, and they are great friends now ( teen and adults).

Muddlingalongalone Mon 17-Jul-17 21:28:34

Mine are starting to play together increasingly now at 6 & 2.8 when not competing for who can be first, but DD1 definitely ignored Dd2 most of the time for the first 6 months or so -when she wasn't jumping over her or equally dangerous things!

Bubbinsmakesthree Mon 17-Jul-17 21:52:42

Try to see him ignoring him as a good thing - at this age you could be dealing with a lot of jealousy and resentment so if your 3yo is getting on with his life unruffled by his younger sibling, that is a positive!

With my 3yo and 3mo I try to use the baby as a way to praise and give attention to the eldest - "oh DS2, look how clever DS1 is, one day he will be able to show you how to build a tower like that!" etc. We also talk a lot about when DS1 was a baby and do baby role play (holding him like a baby, baby voices etc), and talk about how DS2 will get bigger and learn new things just like he did. Mostly this is to try to nip any jealousy in the bud, but hopefully will help him feel closer to his brother too.

Jules7311 Mon 17-Jul-17 22:05:41

Thanks everyone for the replies, it's put my mind at rest. All my friends kids seemed to adore they're siblings when they came along so that's all I've had to go on!

NotCitrus Mon 17-Jul-17 22:21:54

That's normal!
To a 3yo, a baby is mildly interesting every now and then, otherwise a bit boring. Pushing him to 'care' more is likely to lead to resentment, but showing him how to play with the baby eg tickling, singing? And explain that soon baby will be on the move and not understand his toys and try chewing and throwing them, so he'll have to put important ones away and devide what he's happy to share.
From the time dd could toddle and interact, she and 3.5y older ds have got on very well - mostly!

BarbarianMum Tue 18-Jul-17 00:03:42

Normal. They will likely get on worse for a period when ds2 becomes mobile and starts interfering with ds1's toys (and starts developing a will of his own) and then it just gets better and better.

chips4teaplease Tue 18-Jul-17 00:05:34

Fair enough, I'd have said. If your DP brings a new wife into the house, will you want to be her friend?

BarbarianMum Tue 18-Jul-17 00:27:05

It's not quite the same thing though, is it chips? I dont think the OP broke any vows of fidelity by having a second child.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 18-Jul-17 04:16:26

A 3 year old child is just about the most narcissistic creature on earth. A 7 month old doesn't pose much interest to them. This is totally normal.

chips4teaplease Tue 18-Jul-17 08:57:52

Of course it's the same thing. As an only child, you think you are everything to your parents. And then they bring along another one and you have to take the back seat because you're older. It's not fun. Have some empathy with the child.

Cranb0rne Tue 18-Jul-17 17:29:43

Mine are 4 and 18 months and fight constantly. Enjoy the ignoring (and relative quiet) while it lasts!

Greylilypad Wed 19-Jul-17 19:32:31

I have a 3 year gap. They are now just turned 6 and just turned 3. For first year and half or possibly nearly two, older one tolerated/ignored the younger.
They now play together for hours, the older makes up all sorts of imaginary games and the younger plays along, they fight as well, but play together a lot. Just give it time

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