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What would you do?

(13 Posts)
FEJ2016 Mon 03-Jul-17 04:59:12

I've been asked to be a bridesmaid for my sister-in-law (she only has 2) and to plan her hen do. I'm really pleased and excited- we get on really well. The only thing is she has just moved her wedding forward from September next year to January and I'm due to give birth at the end of August. She wants her hen do at the end of November and she wants it to be a long-weekend one somewhere... I just did the maths in my head and my DD will only be 12 weeks old. She's my first baby and I'm planning to breast feed her. I'm really worried that will be too soon for me to leave her for 2 nights. What do I do?! Should I wait until she is born and then maybe tell her I had overestimated what I would be able to do? Could I get my husband (her brother) to stay nearby so that I can go back to my daughter on the evenings? I really don't want to spoil this for her but this is really important to her Im so worried about being a let down. I'm happy to still help plan everything of course. Advice please!

LittleKiwi Mon 03-Jul-17 05:05:41

I'd explain you might not be able to manage a weekend away and ask her what she'd like to do by way of contingency...

emesis Mon 03-Jul-17 05:15:02

If all goes well with the breastfeeding you'll probably need to either express or take the baby with you. It's a bit hard going to and fro to feed such a tiny one. I wouldn't say definitively yet that you can't do a weekend away. You may find when baby is here that BF'ing doesn't work out or that expressing is really easy for you. So it could be better to keep options open.

I would broach the topic carefully and sensitively. If the bride isn't a mother or hasn't been around breastfeeding much she may have a really hard time understanding life with a newborn. I know when I got married I had zero clue about life in the realm of babies and didn't think at all about breastfeeding mothers at my wedding.

On the other hand she might be brilliant about it!

FEJ2016 Mon 03-Jul-17 05:28:21

Thank you! The bride is actually a mother and was in a similar situation at my wedding- her DD was 5 months old. But I didn't have a hen do at all so I have no comparison. Plus all babies are different right? Could I go for just the one night maybe?

user1493413286 Mon 03-Jul-17 05:46:10

As a breastfeeding mum of a 10 week old I wouldn't be ready to leave her even overnight at 12 weeks old. From a practical point of view expressing enough milk and getting her used to the bottle for such a stretch of time is going to be really tricky.
Also whether you breastfeed or not leaving your baby overnight for the first time is such an emotionally charged decision that you need to do it when you feel ready and not feel like you have to do it. You may feel fine to at 12 weeks but be prepared that you also may not
I think you need to talk to her as it probably hasn't occurred to her and see what she would rather you did. You could have your husband stay nearby and you stay with him and baby and just take your baby to appropriate parts of the hen do and you could go to night out parts by yourself. Also consider that you probably won't be drinking loads if you're breastfeeding anyway. I've been on hen dos where people have brought their babies and have stayed in when everyone else had gone on the night out. It depends what the hen do is going to be like for that tho and the bride has to be totally happy for that.

teaandbiscuitsforme Mon 03-Jul-17 07:45:49

I would explain that you can't commit to being there for the weekend but you'd like to plan somewhere where you could join them (probably with baby!) for the day.

If you are BF, 12 weeks is very early to leave your baby. Yes you could do it but you'd have to put yourself under so much pressure to establish your supply, get baby to accept a bottle, get baby to take expressed milk /formula, learn to express (because you'd likely be doing it every 2-3 hours all weekend, all night too). That might all come really easily to you, or it might not, but you have no way of knowing probably until baby is at least 8-10 weeks old.

FWIW, I wouldn't leave my 6mo EBF DS for a weekend now (didn't leave my DD either). Personally, I don't want to express and I don't really want to give a bottle. But if you'd asked me before they were born, I would've said I'd just give a bottle (I was naive and thought it would be an easy thing to do!) but you really won't know how you feel about it until you're well into the swing to things.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

sassylocks Mon 03-Jul-17 07:49:58

I agree with what other posters have said- 12 weeks is rather small to go away even for a night. My DS was unable to feed as he needed an emergency op, this was for 48 hours, however I pumped whilst at the hospital and my supply after that was completely stuffed! It took weeks to get back to normal and even then I sometimes had to supplement with 1 bottle. Unfortunately it really is boob boob boob as much as you can. Good luck with your little one grin x

Eurovision Mon 03-Jul-17 08:06:12

Not to worry you but neither of my breastfed babies took bottles despite trying every tip we could find on Google. Plus missing night feeds would have left me in a lot of pain. It may be easier to take baby with you but you won't know until nearer the time.

user1493413286 Mon 03-Jul-17 08:33:14

Sorry just to add that to keep your supply going and avoid pain you'd need to express as much as you're feeding (2-3 hours including during the night) so you'd need to factor that into the hen do. When I was pregnant I imagined that I'd be able to leave my baby with her dad quite easily but for me the reality is that at 10 weeks I'm still working up to going out for an evening without her. Not trying to scare you but I know I imagined things to be different when I was pregnant to how they actually are.
We started my baby on one bottle a day at 7 weeks old as the last feedbut sometimes she won't settle without a breastfeed as that's her comfort and it would be hard if you were some distance away.

FEJ2016 Mon 03-Jul-17 08:39:42

Thanks ladies this is very helpful to me! I would like to be the best bridesmaid I can be but I'd better have a quick chat with the bride about what I can realistically do on the actual weekend. She's not a bridezilla or anything I'm sure she'll be fine about it. I'll plan it really well and make sure they all have an amazing time though. smile

cafetea Mon 03-Jul-17 08:43:26

I'd say to her that you are so happy to be asked to be a bridesmaid and to go to the hen do but you will have a newborn baby so you will not be able to do this. You will still go to the wedding but not the nights away or do the planning.. Explain that this is because of the date change and your baby will just have been born. She might not understand and so pressure you but stand firm. You will be a new mum and be tired smile and busy.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 05-Jul-17 05:40:11

As a mom of two who breastfed both, I think going away for even one night will be very difficult and much too stressful than it would be worth. I'd just tell the bride you probably won't be able to attend.

Sparklyuggs Wed 05-Jul-17 08:02:02

Similar situation here, I'm a bridesmaid to a very close friend. Wedding is at 12 weeks post c-section and hen do is at 9 weeks. I've explained I can't commit to attending the hen do but have helped to organise it (finding the venue, itinerary, chasing for payment etc) but if things are going well I'll come to what parts I can with my baby (hoping to BF). Could you say similar to her? The bride was fine with this, it was the wedding she got huffy about me bringing the baby to even though other babies are going grin

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