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How can I discourage 8yo DD Friendship

(3 Posts)
planking Sat 01-Jul-17 18:04:38

My 8yo is very easily lead and has a friend that she has had since nursery who is turning into a right brat!
I see my DD being heavily influenced and when I spoke to teacher recently- she brought it up to me- saying friend not good for DD- that DD is in awe of her, almost obsessed and is affecting her concentration. I was uneasy with this girl for a while, but totally convinced now teacher brought up to me.
How do I either help my DD to be more assertive and self assured and totally break up the friendship- without being so blunt to tell her that. She may tell the girl - and I don't want to upset her- or DD may rebel against it and it turn into a big thing
Problem is DD doesn't really click with anyone else in her class- they are all very different personalities and this unsuitable friend is very "cool"
Streetwise, and popular as she is very mature for her age- my DD is naturally foolhardy and acts like a 8yo should climbing trees and playing about- friend discusses boys and stuff that can wait a few years!!!

NuffSaidSam Sun 02-Jul-17 14:47:28

Tricky one! You could try:

1. Helping her to make other friends. Invite other girls back to play or take DD out for the day and get her to invite a friend (not the bratty one). Friendship is a lot to do with shared experiences, if she goes to school having had a fun Saturday with child X she's more likely to play with child X at school.

2. Talk to DD about peer pressure and standing up for herself. It usually works best if you raise it as an issue effecting someone else. not her. So seek out books with this theme, create a hypothetical situation and ask her what she'd do, make up a story about Susan from work's daughter who was in X situation and did Y, what does DD think? How would she act? What advice would she give? It's often easier to understand the right thing to do when it's someone else's situation.

3. Make sure that you/other family members allow her to be assertive at home. If you are unintentionally domineering, she is much more likely to allow herself to be dominated in other relationships. Let her have a say, listen to her, let her make choices (even if you disagree with them). Build up her confidence in herself.

4. Don't fall into the trap of blaming any negative behaviour on this other child. She is only 8, the same age as your DD. If your DD isn't concentrating she needs to take responsibility for that. It can't all be blamed on another child.

4. Don't worry too much. They're only 8 after all and this girl might not be ideal, but....they're 8! A lot of 8 year olds are bratty and then grow up a bit.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Sun 02-Jul-17 14:53:54

I would ask teacher whether there are any children she thinks dd would get on with and try to have them over a few times in the holidays. You could also look into more extra curriculum activities such as Beavers. You might need to play the long game on this one. Over time 'cool' friend will be seeking 'cool' friends. If you can keep her a little bit 'uncool' then time might sort it out.

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