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can't settle 4 week old for love nor money(18 Posts)
I just can't settle my 4 week old at all during the day.
Am mainly breast feeding with a bottle of formula last thing at night which makes her sleep for a good 4-5 hrs which I'm really grateful for.
but during the day is another matter.
I'm feeding on demand but it's constant - she'll feed herself to sleep and when I try to put her down she wakes up.
I can hardly move, it took till 12.30 today for me to be able to get dressed, even then I just had to put her down and let her cry. the house is a state, I'm skipping meals just because I only have one hand free which as I'm being told will make my milk poor quality, and being self employed I have to at least try and get some work done (but is the last thing I'm managing). Surely on demand doesn't mean constantly on demand?
I've tried letting her cry for a bit but even when I hold her she just keeps going, we've just been for a 45 min walk for which slept a good half the way and as soon as we got home sprung awake, tried rocking and singing, soothing toys things that resemble wombs, rocking chairs etc but nothing works.
I'm at my wits end and am finding it really hard to cope and not enjoying being a mum at all. I don't have help until my husband is home at 7pm and even then I'm the one with the boobs!
Any constructive advice very gratefully received
Hi OP I've been where you are and it is tough. DD is still so very young so please don't put pressure on yourself right now. My DS was like this too. Wanting to feed constantly. But he soon got better and while it may seem like forever it won't last long. She will get there soon enough don't worry. Try drinking fennel tea, that's good for breast milk and have water before each feed. Maybe try using a sling and have her sleep on you while you work. She's probably just wanting comfort at the moment. X
Also try expressing so DH can do the feeds when he gets home. X
Hiya did not want to read and run.
OK so being a new mum is seriously hard work. Lower expectations about housework - if anyone offers help ask them to do it.
If your breastfeeding I don't know much about that but I do have experience with a windy baby. It might be wind? If they don't nt to be put down. Have you tried a dummy?
Feeding constantly is normal for most 4 week old babies.
Have you tried a sling?
But I also agree with pp to delegate as much as you can. Newborns are demanding but once that phase is over and you find your feet, things will seem better and easier. X
I think you possibly need to lower your expectations a bit, sorry.
Barely being able to get showered/dressed is often the case with a lot of babies this age, never mind being able to work!
Feeding all the time can be due to a growth spurt/wanting to be close to you which is completely normal or it can be due to a milk transfer issue such as tounge tie so it may be worth getting that ruled out.
Not being able to put down is normal, have a read about the 4th trimester.
A sling is good-you can feed in the sling and can at least make lunch, etc.
Can your DH make your lunch the night before/before he goes to work then you can just microwave.
Make sure you've got loads of drinks and ready made snacks in so you are always able to get something to eat (you get used to carrying baby on boob to kitchen and back!) or get them ready on the couch before.
Depending on what time DH leaves for work, get showered/dressed before he goes so at least one thing out the way.
Get a bath when he comes in from work when he's holding DD.
Make sure DH is doing all the cooking,cleaning,nappy changes, etc when he's there.
Often that age is just about survival, you'll soon find your own little ways that work to make things easier.
Try to enjoy sitting and feeding (get comfy on the couch with the remote) or have a rest in bed (feed lying down). I know it probably doesn't feel like it now but it goes so fast and in a few months you'll be missing having a little sleepy baby on you.
This little stage doesn't last forever.
Stealth boast about how much sleep your getting at night. Come back in 12 months time when dc is still not sleeping through and your toddler has started waking again from all the noise.
Give dc a dummy in the daytime. Worked wonders for my ds2 who just wanted to comfort suck like his brother.
Definitely forget about your house for a bit. I know it doesn't feel like it now but it really will go so quick I would try to enjoy it as much as you can. DS2 was a constant feeder. I watched box sets, never sat down without a bottle of water and snacks within reach. Make sandwiches/snacks that you can eat with one hand while your DH is there and put them in fridge ready for the next day. I used to pack the same lunch as if I was going to work. As soon as my DP came in I would have a shower as I did start to feel a bit down if I felt grubby. Some days I didn't get dressed at all. If I'd managed to brush my teeth I was happy. DS2 is almost 2 now and it would be so lovely to just have some of that time again.
Have you invested in a sling? Victoriaslinglady slings are amazing value for money and brilliant for being able to do things.
Can you express at all?
In the morning I would get a tray prepared of food and drink before dh left for work.. remote.. phone and charger... then Netflix and feed. That's all you have to do. House work can wait. It isn't forever.. it will pass!
Gosh, 4 weeks is tiny and that does sound totally normal.... sorry.
It's probably a growth spurt, but do get checked for tongue tie. And I echo what others have said, don't expect to get anything done for the first few weeks.
Forget the house work, you can do that at the weekends. If you manage to dress yourself in clean clothes and brush your teeth consider it a success! Babies are so needy at this age but it soon passes, everything you've said is totally normal.
When your partner gets home try and have 10 mins to yourself while he takes over. I try and do this every day and I swear it's madd a difference. Try and get a break, even a small one x
Agree with pp. Netflix and feed is the way to go! I watched at least 20 seasons of various shows with my bubba in the first few months. It was bloody wonderful.
This was me.
It's not what you want to hear but you just have to ride this out as best you can. Mine practically lived in a sling the baby carrier for the first 6 months (it may not be as long for you!) as he was awful during the day, really miserable and never slept.
Swapping to formula after 6 months of BF resulted in a dramatic improvement. He slept during the day and had a far more sunny disposition!
He is now 2.5 and is lovely (most of the time).
It does get better, the first year is just really bloody hard. Get as much help as you can when it's available, even if it's a friend or relative who can come round and hold the baby whilst you have a shower, go to the loo, eat etc.
Definitely investigate slings OP. I was loaned a ring sling when DS was 6 weeks old and it made such a difference, I felt like I got my life back and he was much happier because all he wanted was to be close, especially when teething etc kicked in!
Oh yes, and get a good, well-fitting, sling so you can walk (or just potter about) and feed when you aren't Netflixing
My DS is now 10m old and I still feed him to sleep in the sling when we are out and about, he will snooze in there for hours.
Any chance you can see a really good lactation consultant or bf counsellor just to rule out any feeding or latch issues? Your dd sounds like mine, turns out she had tongue tie and was managing to feed but very windy and hungry a lot of the time so sleeping badly (and then got overtired so slept even worse)
Assuming no feeding issues, my advice is, sleep begets sleep at this age, and you may be in an overtiredness vicious cycle, so spend a few days doing whatever it takes to make her sleep more (car drives, buggy walks, stay motionless after feeds, whatever works!) and you may find sleep is better (less pinging awake, longer sleeps) after that.
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