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Is pre-school necessary?

50 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 21/06/2017 15:26

I have a son who is 3 years and 3 months and he currently goes to a childminder two days a week and has done since I returned to work when he was 10 months old.

He had a 6 month spate at a nursery about 9 months ago but it got closed down so he went back to a childminder.

He is due to start school next year so I said to my DH I would like to transfer DS into pre-school now so he can be there for 12 months before starting school to get used to the settings and also so he will be mixing with the children he will be going to school with as opposed to going straight from a childminder to a school classroom.

Our local pre-school has no spaces so we have applied for him to start at another one, still pretty local, within the next few months. The only downside is that the start times will cause problems with DH getting to work on time but we've been looking at possible solutions.

However, yesterday I was informed that although the pre-school will take DS he will most likely not get a place at their adjoining infants school because they are not our 'local' school and we are on the very edge of their catchment area.

This is fine, I understand how it works and it just means that when we apply for school places we will put out first choice down as our local Infant school and not the one attached to the pre-school he'll be attending. However, that of course defeats the purpose of sending him to pre-school in order to let him get to know the children he'll be going to school with.....because he won't be going to school with these children.

So now my dilemma is, if that reasoning behind pre-school is no longer viable should I just keep him at his childminders house? Do I really want to take him out his current setting, put him in pre-school and him have to deal with that change for him then to be taken out of that familiar environment and put in a classroom in a school where he has to start from scratch again in terms of getting to know people?

My DH said we just leave him with the childminder until he starts school (especially as it fits around our life better) but then I don't know if that's the best option either?

Really interested in other people's opinions and what their children did in the lead up to school....

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KatyN · 21/06/2017 19:36

Mine go to nursery that isn't linked to the school. Only one of our local schools has a preschool.
My mum used to be a primary school teacher and said not to worry about it.. if he's used to not being with you then I reckon that's fine. K

c737 · 22/06/2017 08:12

I think some of it depends on what kind of child he is - do you think he will find it hard to settle in to a school setting with the structure, larger groups etc or is he pretty laid back anyway?

If he might find it hard I would be of a mind to get him in to the pre school to get him used to formality and structure. I see what you mean about the other children not being the ones he goes to school with, but there's no guarantee even if he is in the local pre school that all the children in there would go straight in to the feeder school anyway. You may find that the children he ends up going to school with are a mix of the ones he is with at pre school as some of the other parents may have been in the same position as you.

I'm not sure he needs a whole year of it - perhaps at the start of next year as he gets closer to 4 and a little more robust about change I might introduce one or two sessions then in the build up to school and start to explain about the transition for him in to 'big school' very soon and how the pre school is to help him get ready for all the big boy activities he will be doing.

Firenight · 22/06/2017 08:15

My kids have gone to a private nursery and not known anyone when starting school. It does make that first year harder I think as kids' friendships are all based on pre existing parent cliques but in the long term it's fine. As as you can't get into the local preschool anyway this is a moot point. Is the childminder local so your son will see his peer group at children's centre and other neighbourhood activities anyway?

Alanna1 · 22/06/2017 08:20

It's also about your son adjusting to a larger classroom, within a school. I'd go for a preschool somewhere even if it's not the one you eventually go too.

LIZS · 22/06/2017 08:22

It isn't necessary but equally I wouldn't worry about moving him for Reception tbh, there will be others who will be new to each school or you may meet through other local activities.

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 22/06/2017 08:28

My DD will be 4 in September and has been with a CM since she was 6 months old. I don't know which school she will go to, and in any case school nursery hours would be a massive pain in the bum with our working hours. She is going to a private nursery in September, so that she can get used to the bigger group of children and hopefully make some friends. She is an only and we don't have many friends with similar age children, so she needs the best opportunity we can give her to practise social skills as she doesn't get the chance at home. The majority of her year group will go to one or other of the schools that she's likely to go to, and the nursery manager said that they try to encourage friendships between children who will be moving on together. Could that work for you?

Writerwannabe83 · 22/06/2017 08:43

Where his CM lives is totally out of our catchment area so when DS does start school we will have to remove him from her care anyway and find a much more local CM to take him to and fro school.

DS is extremely sociable. When we went to visit the pre-school a few weeks ago he clung to me for about 30 seconds and then ran off with a group of children to the sand pit.

When he had his 6 month stint in nursery he loved it.

We go to three toddler groups a week, the smallest group contains about 15 children and the larger group consists of about 50 children. He quite happily just plays with most children he comes across.

I have numerous friends with children his age and we spend a lot of time with them too so overall he has a lot of stimulation through playing with other children.

With regards his pre-school application they've basically said that their places are full by September and it's very, very rare they get spaces become available during that year as obviously most children that are there will be there for the whole 12 months prior to starting school. So it's kind of it we don't accept a place for this September then he don't get one at all.

Leaving him with the CM would be much easier for lots of reasons, including how flexible she is, but something is telling me that Pre-school is the better choice.

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InDubiousBattle · 22/06/2017 22:09

A couple of my friends whose kids are with a cm are going to send them to pre school on their non working days- just a morning or two a week. It eats into their time with their dc but they think it's worth it for them to get some experience in a larger setting.

I'm a SAHM and my ds is 3.5, he's been at pre school since he turned 2 and loves it there. I think it has been valuable for little things like sorting his own book bag, getting used to registration, joining in and generallycooperating with the other children. We've chosen to keep him there rather than the nursery attached to his probable primary school as they are more flexible.

Nordicwannabe · 25/06/2017 09:33

Preschool is really good - especially one linked to a school, with teachers creating a fab environment to learn.

But its main purpose is to get an early start helping those children haven't quite got the social skills, or struggle with the 'sitting still' and 'being part of a class' skills, so that they are ready to join Reception.

Just to give you context, my DD (4) finds making friends with new children difficult: rejects friendly overtures other children in the playground, struggles to take her place in a group (complains that 'they won't let me have a turn' when she hadn't gone anywhere near them and hadn't asked!)... and then gets sad about children not playing Sad. She's really benefited from a year at preschool to learn and practice those skills.

But from what you've said, it sounds like your DS already has very strong social skills, and will manage really well when he starts Reception! In particular, you said he loved nursery when he did it before, and he quickly ran off to play with other (unknown) children when you visited the preschool. My DD would not do that! And you do lots of groups, and he plays lots with friends his age. Sounds perfect!

Yes, preschool is great. But in your son's case it probably isn't worth making logistics difficult for your family.

Nordicwannabe · 25/06/2017 09:43

Do check with the preschool whether there's a school breakfast club which is open to nursery. Ours does and it makes logistics much easier!

MsPassepartout · 25/06/2017 09:56

There's no guarantees that he'd end up in the same primary school as children he makes friends with at nursery, whichever school nursery he was at.

The main consideration for me would be whether you think a year of being in a nursery setting with lots of children would be more beneficial than being at a childminder. They're learning about the expected behaviours and social skills that they need to become part of a Reception class. Things that some children may find easier than others.

BoraThirch · 25/06/2017 10:02

Most children enjoy preschool. Can your cm not take him and pick him up so he could go for a couple of mornings?

My oldest went to a different preschool to most of the children in his reception class and it didn't make any difference to him when he started school.

FiveYearPlan · 25/06/2017 10:13

Could you not do a mix? Eg cm 3 days a week and preschool 2days? I do think it's beneficial to them to get used to more structured settings in preparation for school

BayLeaves · 25/06/2017 10:19

I agree, it's not about getting to know a specific group of children or the school itself, I think it's more about getting used to being in a school environment and in a larger group of kids.

My 3 year old is very sociable and confident but I still think he will benefit from going to pre school 3 afternoons a week, starting in September. He needs to learn how other children play, taking turns, how to deal with conflict etc. I also think it'll be good for him to do all sorts of activities I wouldn't necessarily be doing with him at home - messy play, crafts etc.

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 10:21

Most children enjoy preschool. Can your cm not take him and pick him up so he could go for a couple of mornings?

She offered to do that but it means we'd have to pay her for the hours he's not in her car. I.e even if he's at nursery between 9-1 we'd still have to pay her 4 hours childcare even though he's not with her and we aren't happy with that.

I understand the reasoning but we can't use up his funded hours in the pre-school and then pay the CM too.

He either stays 30 hours with the CM or does 30 hours with the pre-school.

We are still veering towards the pre-school option and we'll just have to find a way to manage the later drop-offs than we're used to.

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LetsSplashMummy · 25/06/2017 10:30

In my daughters class there is a large group who know each other from private nursery and a few small groups of 2 or 3 from other school preschools (our school doesn't have one). The preschool kids have adapted to school so much better than the large friendship group, so I think knowing people is a very small part of the reason to go. The preschool children all learnt to sit and listen, a little bit more structure and to follow rules about kindness etc. I would try it out and see how he gets on.

ShoeJunkie · 25/06/2017 10:39

DS1 never went to nursery/pre school. He went to his cm for the three days I work. His cm is fab, she worked hard getting him school ready e.g. Doing PE sessions where the mindees got changed into t shirt and shorts then did some activities then changed back. She also runs a cm group where several local childminders get together so DS1 had the opportunity to learn to function in a bigger group and sit and listen to focussed activities.
He's almost finished year R and has settled into school fantastically well.

DarkLikeVader · 25/06/2017 10:51

Hm, I think if your child already attends a childminder and playgroups there might not be any benefit to preschool. I sent de and tbd her social skills have improved which was mostly why I sent her (I'm a sahm) but in terms of behaviour and knowledge she's gone massively backwards since preschool. Before she went she could write letters and do basic addition and count to 100+. I went to look at her learning journal this week and they said she could count to 10! And she's forgotten how to add up now and her letter forming has gone to pot! After one year. And this is an ofsted outstanding rated preschool... when they go to school they will get how to behave in larger groups and reception is largely play based anyway.

Iamastonished · 25/06/2017 10:54

"But its main purpose is to get an early start helping those children haven't quite got the social skills, or struggle with the 'sitting still' and 'being part of a class' skills, so that they are ready to join Reception."

This ^^

A primary school teacher I knew once told me that it was very obvious which children hadn't been to pre-school. It took them a lot longer to settle in at school.

Troika · 25/06/2017 11:22

Will your ds follow group instructions or will he wait until he is personally addressed? Eg if the teacher says 'go and get your coats and line up at the door' to the whole group.

Is your ds able to sit as part of a group and listen for the duration of an activity? Even if others are messing about.

Is your ds able to concentrate on an adult led task whilst other children around him are engaged in free play?

Is your ds able to resolve conflicts with other children without aggression and without adult intervention.

Just a couple of the skills that preschool teaches. He may learn some of these at the childminders, it just depends on how the cm operates and how many children they have.

BoraThirch · 25/06/2017 19:14

Gosh, it sounds really petty to me to say you resent paying your childminder while your child is at preschool Confused. Isn't it more important that your child gets the best of both worlds eg staying with a carer he is settled with plus experiencing a couple of mornings of preschool?

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 19:53

Gosh, it sounds really petty to me to say you resent paying your childminder while your child is at preschool

We are not in a financial position that allows to pay for both childminders and pre-school at the same time. All we can manage is his funded hours which is why they either need to be fully used at the CMs or fully used at the pre-school.

We can't for example use up six hours of funded childcare in a pre-school and then have to pay the CM for those same six hours too.

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InDubiousBattle · 25/06/2017 19:58

If it's absolutely either cm or nursery/pre school how will you manage holidays? Pre schools only run term time so unless one of you is a teacher you might struggle. Could you not do cm 3 days but one of those days he goes to pre school (and you pay twice so to speak)then he goes to pre school one session on the days you have him? So he can remain settled with his cm, she can still do holidays, you still get a day and a half together and ds gets two sessions a week at pre school?

Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 20:18

My husband is a teacher but the pre-school we've applied to is open 50 weeks a year anyway.

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Writerwannabe83 · 25/06/2017 20:35

We had considered splitting it so he spends one whole day with CM and two whole days with pre-school (rather than half and half days) but we didn't know if there was actually any benefit to doing this as opposed to him just being in one setting. I also thought it might be unfair to reduce the hours with the CM by two thirds in case she found it difficult to replace his lost hours with another child who only required a few days care.

I didn't want to have him with the CM two days a week and then pre-school for one day as I didn't think just doing one session a week would make a huge difference to him in terms of learning about and adapting to those settings.

If just always made sense to us to have either the CM or the pre-school as sole childcare.

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