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How to get playdates for DS

(19 Posts)
MillRdMummy Sun 18-Jun-17 07:48:10

Hello! My son is in year one and had never had any playdates with school friends. As a preschooler he played with my friends' children all the time but we got allocated a school quite far away, in reception where we knew nobody. As it wasn't a good school we have now got him into a different school but this one is even further away, and again we know nobody. We're in the process of moving nearer this school, but in the meantime can't invite anyone back as it's a 20 min drive a away. However, my son hasn't ever been invited to anyone else's house, so has never had a playdate In his 2 years at school. Any advice on how I can go about getting one? Add he's never had a school age playdate I don't even know how people organise these. Do the kids normally organise it or the parents? I don't know any parents as the kids are mostly dropped off by child minders, and the parents I do see are in cliquey groups... practical advice please!!

Kidssendingmenuts Sun 18-Jun-17 07:59:31

When we started school we have a Facebook group for those mums and dads in that year and would post asking if anyone was interested in going to a soft play for the morning) only does afternoons at the min) and we've got a right little lovely circle of friends now. It's lovely watching the kids play and get to know each other and the mums have a natter.
Even though your a 20 min drive away just still offer someone to come for tea but ask your child who they want for tea and then either go out for tea after school then you can drop them off after or offer to take them home after if you go to yours.
It's well worth it seeing your child play with a new friend in a new situation. Xx

Katmeifyoucan Sun 18-Jun-17 08:03:12

It wouldn't bother me having to drive 20 minutes to collect my child. Start inviting people back to yours. They will soon reciprocate. You could always offer to drop home too.

MillRdMummy Sun 18-Jun-17 08:21:28

Hi kidssendingmenuts, I'm really jealous of your 'lovely circle of friends', that's what I'd love! There is a year 1 Facebook group, but its barely used, I think because they are already in established groups from reception or before, so just contact each other in their own groups. Did you establish your group in reception? Do you have any advice on how a new person to the school might be able to join without sounding pushy??? Unfortunately I can't invite people back as I have a baby too so there wouldn't be any room in the car for another car seat, the mum would have to drive over too, and I can't see that happening!! Can you explain how playdates are normally arrange d at this age, do the children instigate it and the parents confirm, or do the parents contact each other to begin with?

MillRdMummy Sun 18-Jun-17 08:24:24

Katmeifyoucan, how do I go about inviting people back? It would feel a bit odd putting a shout out on the barely used Facebook group, and they'd have to be pretty committed to want to drive their kid over...

PourquoiPas Sun 18-Jun-17 08:38:55

Can you not put your DS in the front of the car as a one off? I would go on a charm offensive and get 4 or 5 booked in over the next few weeks before they break up or you are going to be missing out on play dates over the summer too.

Near us, if you never invite anyone on a play date you are much less likely to be invited, I know you shouldn't invite to get return invites but that's how it works unfortunately. The host parent collects both children from school and the invitee parent picks them up after tea.

MillRdMummy Sun 18-Jun-17 08:47:44

Pourquoipas yes that's what I'm afraid of. I guess I could put him.in the front... would that be safe?? There is a short stretch of motor way...

Katmeifyoucan Sun 18-Jun-17 08:50:53

Can you get a small booster for the middle of your car or some one to watch the baby while you collect them. Is there a class list? Ask your son who he would like to invite and go from there. Just text the Mum or Dad saying your son would like to invite X for a play on whatever day.

Katmeifyoucan Sun 18-Jun-17 08:51:46

If you put him in the front make sure your airbag is turned off.

BikeRunSki Sun 18-Jun-17 08:52:11

Ask people to tea. A 20 min drive wouldn't bother me at all. Or use the front seat!

Say to the parent of the child you want to invite "Hi, are you X's mum? I'm Y, Z's mum. Z talks about X a lot, could he come for tea?".

When my dc have friends over, I pick them up, walk home, have a snack. Then they play til 5 (younger ones need a bit of hell, older ones just disappear into the Lego shrine that is DS's role), I give them their tea, then tger's a bit of time for playing out or maybe a bit of TV if they're tired until 6, when they get picked up.

MillRdMummy Sun 18-Jun-17 09:07:51

Thanks for all your help ladies! I think I'll get another booster seat, then, and try putting DS in the front (there's no-one to watch the baby so she has to come with me, poor mite!) I never see the other mums, but I could try contacting then via the (barely used) Facebook group, and hopefully someone will respond! Here's hoping x

LynetteScavo Sun 18-Jun-17 16:39:07

Can't you just FB message the other parents?

Invite a friend to go swimming/farm/soft play with you one Sunday afternoon?

Have a birthday party, invite the whole class and get all the parents phone numbers.

There must be some parents who collect...I think you need to be smiley and invite them to tea one day. A decent booster is fine in the front as long as the airbag is turned off.

Kidssendingmenuts Sun 18-Jun-17 16:40:55

To be fair ours were established since nursery so yes getting into the groups can be a bit daunting and it shouldn't be! Just strike up a random conversation with some of the other mums, with the play dates at your house just ask say can so and so come for tea tomorrow. I always ask for their car seat too at drop off.
With play dates at soft play just put the feelers out, stick something on the Facebook group you may be quite surprised just say anyone fancy coming to softplay on night after school etc.
When my son started school I was really anxious and didn't think my son would make friends, but just ended up talking to the other mums and then started the whole softplay thing and now it's fab! My son now has a "girlfriend" (she is only 4 but I'm keeping an eye on her grin and always talks about his friends.
Birthday parties are a good one too, don't turn down invites, you get to know the parents and your child will make lots of friends xx

Kidssendingmenuts Sun 18-Jun-17 16:42:09

Don't put on the Facebook about someone coming for tea just the softplay or something after school. Ask your child who he wants to come for tea and then approach mum/dad and ask them Hun. It's not as daunting once you have done it once. Xx

mahadams2 Sun 18-Jun-17 16:46:25

The instigates it in a sense of telling you, who he likes etc. My ds would tell me i really like playing with so & so and then i would ready out to that childs parent. Usually, their child has said the same & you go from there. I personally, wouldnt invite any child that my child hasnt confirmed is liked! Last you thing you want is to invite a child your child does not like, this can be very awkward for everyone. It takes time, i hadnt made any parent friends until my ds was at the end of reception but realised if i want to make a playdate, i had to be brave & have had to approach parents & just see how it goes. Hope this helps xx

mahadams2 Sun 18-Jun-17 16:47:32

The child* instigates

mahadams2 Sun 18-Jun-17 16:48:19

Reach out** not ready lol sorry my phone is crap lol

Lowdoorinthewal1 Sun 18-Jun-17 18:29:26

Could you ask your DS who he would like to invite, then get him to write an invite. Put your phone number on it and ask the teacher to put it in the other child's book bag?

Lowdoorinthewal1 Sun 18-Jun-17 18:30:01

*write an invitation

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